What Becomes of the BrokenHearted An ode to all Collingmaguirevomitshitwood world

As I walked the MCG of broken dreams,
I have visions of my losing team
Magpies happiness is just an illusion
Filled with anger and confusion
What becomes of the brokenhearted
Now Malty has just departed
Magpies have got to find, some kind of piece of mind, baby. (wail out loud to "Bogans" Geelong fans)
What becomes of the fainthearted
Who have thought that Magpies faltered
Cats have already found
Winning has made them jolly proud, baby {No need for Bogan's here folks!)
The roots of hatred keeps growing all round
But for Magpies they come crashing down
Every day Malty heads pounds a even stronger (always stronger)
I can't stand the Cats reign any longer
Magpies supporters walk in shadows looking for a fight
Cold and alone, no Cats supporters to fight
Hoping and praying that Malty/Bucks cares
Always moving and getting nowhere
What becomes of the brokenhearted
Now that Bucks has just only started
We have got to really find
Some body's head to surely grind, baby (Cats supporters all together now "Bogans")
Malty/Bucks have not conceded
For some answers are quickly needed
Oh the Cats they are bloody grinning
All now that is really left is that unhappy ending and no beginning.
Now what becomes of the Magpies heart ache
We have lost and Malty has really departed
Maguire has surely got to find
Some players to kick and grind
For his Magpies fans piece of mind
Eddie's searching everywhere
Just to find a player to square
He'll be looking every day
Miles, kilometers away
Nothing is going to stop him now
Eddie/Malty/Bucks will find a way some how, baby (Geelong city sing! "sore losers!" ) Oooohhhhh......

Pisser!

Not sure who to credit the photo to, some dickhead sent it to me…

bruce”joffa”clarke

Photo from http://joffasfrontpage.com/2.html

Should DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster Bruce Clarke from team PEAR consider donning the Joffa jacket as he spruiks about the Storm coming from behind to trounce Parramatta in the Rugger? Pear’s brother Legend certainly thinks so:

dear tipmaster,
it has come to my attention that a certain fellow tipster has stooped to the lowest form of sledging that one can only describe as” JOFFERING”.
i refer to a text message that i received last night regarding the result of the parramatta v storm game
as you might be aware i’m am a long time supporter of the mighty eels who unfortunately gave up an 18-0 lead at half time to go down 18-22.
it was after the game was won that i received the message of STICK THAT UP YOUR ARSE PARRA!!!!
My problem is why didn’t i receive any messages before or during the game when storm were well behind,this my friend is a bad case of “JOFFERING”
made famous by that idiot gold jacket wearing peanut collingwood dick,who never ever dons the jacket until the game is safely in the bag!!!
The sender of this message is the first bloke in the crowd to show his discontent with any opposition supporter who is very quiet during a game but chirps up as the final siren blows.
i say shame this person publicly.
SHOW US YOUR MEDALS YOU CHEATING BASTARDS

Scoreboard Pressure

I’d like to introduce you to a site I have found fascinating and entertaining.

Scoreboard Pressure is a site that shows and discusses the vast variety of football scoreboards across Australia.

Vin Maskell of Scoreboard Pressure contacted me after he discovered our post “The Worst Scoreboard I have ever seen” – a DGES FOOTY TALK article about the scoreboard at the Newcomb Football Ground and he has since added the Newcomb Scoreboard to his site ‘Scoreboard Pressure’ along with a mention of DGES FOOTY TALK and a link to our own site.

Scoreboard Pressure is incredibly well researched, informative, entertaining  and humerous.

I fully recommend a visit to Scoreboard Pressure.

http://scoreboardpressure.com/

Port Adelaide vs The Bye

We all know that South Australian Football is in disarray. Neither Adelaide or Port can win a game, neither have any good players and Adelaide coach Neil Craig today jumped off the sinking Adelaide  ship before being made to walk the plank by the same Crows football department who recently assured his wobbly job was safe.

Perhaps though the most damning report of the rotting South Australians at Moron Park has been lovingly sent to us from DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP TIPSTER Bruce Clarke from team ‘PEAR’.

This You Tube link shows how Port Adelaide faired in their round 18 battle against the bye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXatqcigUFw

Reasons to be cheerful

A rant from our Italian Correspondant:
Nadia Suric from team Cellino...errr, I mean BYRD...

Maestro Colino Griggio, (that is Gray in Italiano)

Oh Deary me it seems that the mighty Bombers are grappling
 with the thought of even winning....Hmmm.....they let me
 down last round with six winners in total but for some
strange reason I still feel incredibly robbed!!
Who to trust?,,,.. I dunno!.....Who to tip?.....I dunno!.....
tipping is really doing my head in.....I need therapy....
No! I need to see a Psychic!!! that should do the trick!
Reasons to be cheerful Maestro Colino, my Blue boys
thrashed Port last week although I was literally
swearing my mouth off in front of the telly, I really
thought we were going to lose at some point..Phew!!
Alas! Maestro if there is any reason why you should be
smiling, the Sainters are 11th on the almighty AFL ladder,
considering those twats were Preliminary finalists last year,
It's not looking too good for them I'm afraid.

St Kilda  Given their track record with this mob against
poor ol' Footscray, the Sainters will probably win this,
the Doggies are looking physically and mentally exhausted,
I suppose with the outcome of this game, the Doggies can
kiss September goodbye.
Reasons to be cheerful: Dixon is suing the AFLPA 2 million
bucks! WHOA!!!!!!!!!!

West Coast Just because the Crows are playing on home
soil does not necessarily mean they will win the Eagles,
the Crows performance of late has been shocking, actually
It's no wonder their fans have lost respect for them....
I would too!
Reasons to be Cheerful: The Coach (Crows) will be given
the flick.....watch this space Maestro!! 

North Melbourne God I hate them!
Reasons to be cheerful: Gold Coast Bums have hit rock
bottom....so much for Gary "10 Million Dollar Man" Ablett
who's sorry now eh?

Geelong There is no stopping this lot they are undefeated
and will win this despite both teams playing strategically well.
Reasons to be cheerful: Geelong won Collingmaguirevomitshitwood.
Enuff said!

Carlton My Blue boys played with an impressive vengeance
last week against Port Powerless, my Blue boys are cruising
along very nicely thank you very much. I'll just kick back
on Sunday with a few glasses of Martini's....Oh Yeah! with
two olives thanks just like ol' blue eyes (Mr Frank Sinatra RIP)
Reasons to be cheerful: Number 3 Marc Murphy has just put pen to
paper for another three years with Carlton! Go Blues!!!

Shitney The kids are doing alright and well I guess this will
be an easy victory. I have just discovered something Maestro,
whenever a team is on a bye they lose!!!...Interesting!!!
Reasons to be cheerful: N.P.R

Essendon No doubt about it Maestro you will win this game
Freo are struggling to win on home territory.
Reasons to be cheerful: Freo are plagued with injuries!!!

Melbourne I know I'm going against all odds here but last
year the Demons and ...Ahem!...them! drew and the year before
last it was sooo close in the dying seconds.
Her Majesty has cast a Royal spell over those Bogan's so you
know what?.....Demons by one point!!
Reasons to be cheerful: Dane Swan and Dale Thomas are out!
There is a God!!

All the best Maestro!
Keep snuggs
The one and only

Byrd

Collingwood & the Pendlebury Controversy

There’s only one thing better than Collingwood losing by less than a goal…

…and that’s when they lose by less than a goal controversially!

Suffer in ya jocks sooky, sooky Collingwood.

The Frog and Golf

The Frog and Golf

A man takes the day off work and
Decides to go out golfing.

He is on the second hole when he
Notices a frog sitting next to the green.

He thinks nothing of it and is
About to shoot when he Hears,

Ribbit 9 Iron.’

The man looks around and doesn’t
See anyone.

Again, he hears, ‘Ribbit 9 Iron.’

He looks at the frog and decides to
Prove the frog wrong, puts the
Club away, and grabs a 9 iron.

Boom!
He hits it 10 inches from the cup.

He is shocked.

He says to the frog,
‘Wow that’s amazing.
You must be a lucky frog, eh?

The frog replies,
‘Ribbit Lucky frog.’

The man decides to take the frog
with him to the next hole.

‘What do you think frog?’
The man asks.

‘Ribbit 3 wood.’

The guy takes out a 3 wood and,
Boom! Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn’t know
What to say.

By the end of the day, the man golfed the
Best game of golf in his life and
asks the frog,

‘OK where to next?’

The frog replies,

‘Ribbit Crown Casino..

They go to the Casino

and the guy says,
‘OK frog, now What?’

The frog says, ‘Ribbit Roulette.’

Upon approaching the roulette table,

The man asks,
‘What do you think I should Bet?’

The frog replies,
‘Ribbit $3000, black 6.’

Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but
after the golf game the man
Figures what the heck.

Boom!

Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.

The man takes his winnings and
buys the best room in the Hotel.

He sits the frog down and Says,
‘Frog, I don’t know how to repay you.
You’ve won me all this money and
I am forever grateful.’

The frog replies,
‘Ribbit KissMe.’

He figures why not,
Since after all the frog did for Him,
He deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a
young 17-year-old girl.

‘And that,

your honor, is how the girl
ended up in my room.

So help me God,
Or my name is not Ricky Nixon.’

Correction from your tipsmaster.

Dear DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters.
 
It has been brought to my attention that an error has occured in round 6 of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP. Even more alarming is that your tipsmaster is the culprit of the mistake…
 
Hard to believe, I know but maybe it is sheer evidence that I am only a little more superior than you cretins, rather than a lot more superior.

You see, I’m struggling to come to terms with the format of fixturing in this 2011 season. Some rounds have 8 games, others have only 7.
 
I am guilty of assuming that the winner of the jackpot for selecting 8 winners should be the tipster who picks 8 winners.
 
Alas – as you will all now be aware, round 6 contained only 7 matches and no less than 6 tipsters pick all 7 games correct. SOUPIE, PADDO, STIVA, POMMIE, LEGEND, and OUR MITZ
 
I can appreciate that you have all been behaving yourselves of late so I am going to reward those tipsters who select all matches correctly each round, regardless of if there are 5,6,7 or 8 matches for that round. Such is the kind heartedness of your tipsmaster
 
A round of applause for your tipsmaster please…
 
The six tipsters who selected the 7 winners correctly shall all share in the $15.00 that was on offer for round 6 meaning that you are all now the proud owners of $2.50 each. Let me know how you would like to claim your booty, or I can make a note of it on file and let the winnings accumulate until the end of the season. Alternatively, for those of you who are that way inclined, you can have a sip of my beer in lieu of payment if you so desire (please brush your teeth first).
 
This means that the jackpot for round 7 is now back to $5.00
 
I regret the error and inconvenience this has caused but not enough to say sorry.
 
Carry on…

Sex in the shower – a true Collingwood joke.

Sex in the Shower

In a recent survey, people who are Collingwood supporters have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

In the survey, carried out for leading toiletries firm ‘Brut’, a huge 86% of Collingwood supporters said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn’t been to prison. 

Lovingly sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipstress Jude from team ‘JUDESTER’ who has finally realised that it is more fun to laugh at Collingwood than to love them,