IF I WAS A GEELONG SUPPPORTER, I’D FIND THIS FUNNY…

Lovingly sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, LEGEND

All Associated with The Geelong Football Club would like to thank and acknowledge all participants of the AFL and associated affiliations for their contribution towards the 2009 AFL Season for without this the season just would not have been such a wonderful one. Most notably THANKYOU:
Thankyou St Kilda
** For being so wise to play “Muppets” R Clarke, McQuallter and Zac Dawson. Would not get a game for Deniliquin 4ths in Old Ammo’s. Anymore “specials” for 2010??
** For forgetting Steve Milne has a heart the size of a pea and only looks good against Port, Freo and Melb. Love a choker in big games.
** Unable to understand difference between a good player and a champion. NOTE Nick Reiwoldt is a Good Player – not a champion. A champion:
- Kicks goals after siren to win games ( Stk v Ess ).
- Plays well on the BIG STAGE – Harry Taylor smashed him.
- Wins a Brownlow in a GF winning year.
** Rod Butters for negotiating the Ethiad deal for StK in 2003 as we like StKilda playing 12 games year under a closed roof – nice and warm, flat firm grassy ground, no rain to get the hair wet or ruin the fake tan. Note – BIG FINALS are played in open with wind / breeze, rain, sun – it is called the MCG.
Thankyou Collingwood
** Supporters for saying all August ” Can not wait to get Geelong in Finals as they are soft…”
** For thinking they are better than they really are – very average football team.
** For providing a great entree to 2009 when they lost the Night GF as part of a Geelong Feb training drill.
** Having faith in Medhurst, Anthony, Rocca, Davis and Didak – Shannon Byrnes had more stats in 09 finals series than these five tragics combined.
** For not taking “Stevie J” with a second round draft pick in 2006 – THANKYOU.
** Providing great TV for all watching Eddie and family sink into their seats during second half Prel smashing they received. BEETROOT HEADED BUFFOON.
Thankyou Bulldogs
** Scott Clayton – imagine if you had selected Buddy at #3 and not the cry baby Ryan Griffen ???? You would now have your full forward and who knows ??? Thankyou Scott.
Thankyou Adelaide
** Allowing Coll to beat you by 2 points in final at G as it merely elevated their internal self opinion prior to meeting Cats in Prelim final.
Thankyou Brisbane
** Thankyou for allowing Carlton to get 30 points up in last quarter on an otherwise dreary Sat night, only to them go bang, bang, bang and leave them stranded as LOSERS. One of the best Sat night movies have watched in years.
Thankyou Carlton
** “They know We are Coming” …still waiting.
** One player does not make a team – keep playing Cloke, Fev, Bentick and Stevens – puts a smile on all our faces.
** Thinking playing Fev will get you a flag. More chance with Barb from the cheer squad.
Thankyou Essendon
** For putting Haw in their rightful place – out of the eight in R22. Memories of “Sooky Jeff Kennett” in the stand with hands on head will linger for many years to come.
** Providing a memorable Anzac Day for those enjoying a day of relax – beating Coll feral in last minute – thankyou.
** For not imposing too much pressure on Adel in final One. This meant Adel were fresh to play Coll and stretch them so they were spent before Prelim final.
Thankyou Hawthorn
** For being the most arrogant, self centred, rude, self indulgent Premiership Team the AFL has ever witnessed.
** Jeff Kennett for having the audacity to question Geelong’s “Mental Fragility” in March 2009 – not bad for a team who can not even make the eight as defending premier.
** For having the nastiest and most aggressive little “runt” of a coach – wonder why Todd Viney and Hardwick left with more to follow.
** For thinking Buddy and Roughead would take too glory again – understand two players do not make a team.
** For playing fat / overweight / unfit “Porky Pig” – Stu “give me a tub of pasta and ice-cream” Dew. Really Clarko…
** For being so gracious and accepting of Buddy suspension for smashing of Cousins in R21 – karma boys re Ess game one week later.
** For the continuous squealing re injuries – Geelong were lucky they had no injuries in 2009 !!!!!
Thankyou North Melbourne
** Leigh Colbert…draft picks resulting in Corey Enright and Cam Mooney. Sometimes it pays to be loyal hey Leigh ???? Cam may send you a photo of the Cup if you’re lucky. If not – join the queue.
Thankyou Richmond
** Thankyou for Brad Ottens and the annual 8 premiership points.
Thankyou Melbourne
** For giving StKilda a nice “feel” round 22 of the MCG.
** For giving Geelong pick 8 for Brent Maloney in 2006 – resulted in Brad Ottens arrival to Cattery.
** Clint Bizzell for pick 17 – James Kelly to Cattery.
Thankyou Freo, West Cost, Syd and Port
** Thankyou for the frequent flier points – will come in handy end of season trips.

SPECIAL MENTIONS
** Grant ” I am not jealous” Thomas – every Monday Night 10pm Footy Classifieds you built up St Kilda all year – teamwork, determination, spirit, skill….always said you could never coach you overrated whale.
** Jeff Kennett – where is your poofy Brown and Yellow jacket now ????
** Shayne Crawford – for each week on Footy Show just continually reminding us all what a real dickhead you are always are and were – weak for not playing 2010.
** Joffa – did not see you much in finals – oh forgot…Coll have to win a final for you to wear the Gold Jacket.
** Carlton, Melbourne, North, Essendon, Port, Freo – for letting Joel Selwwod slip through to pick #7 2006 draft.

Bad Cricket Cards – episode 1

Michael Bevan.

Get a load of the terrible shot Michael Bevan is playing in this 1st episode of DGES FOOTY TALK’s ‘Bad Cricket Cards’

Foot not to the pitch of the ball, head nowhere near the pitch of the ball, face of the bat pointing towards gully, bottom hand off the bat…

There is only one place the ball is going in this shot, right down the throat of the fieldsman at cover.

Bevan out!

Michael Bevan also qualifies for the 1 in 3 Bult rule.

Results of The Big Canberra Flower Show

Congratulations to DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, STIVA and his father in law, DES for winning the best flower arrangement at the BIG CANBERRA FLOWER SHOW.

Des galloped home with 79 votes, 4 ahead of his nearest rival.

Well done to  those of you DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters who took the time to submit your votes for Des and helped get his posie over the line. You should all be very proud of yourselves.

(Looking forward to voting for STIVA’s next project, the doily and crocheted rug competition…)

An important task for the tipsters of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP.

Please help DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, STIV in his plea to get his father in law over the line in the flower competition at the Big Canberra Flower Show.

STIV: On a Mission to rig a internet voting compition, The father in law has entered a flower comp at a big canberra flower show. Below is the plea from the wonderful VB on behalf of her Dad. All that is needed is lots of votes and I am sure the wonderful people from the DGES World famous tipping comp would love to help out. If you could email the link and whack it on the website to the world famous tipstars that would be grouse. Voting closes 12pm Thursday so I have given you stuff all time!!!!!!!!!

The link below should take you directly to DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, STIV’s Dad in law’s flower arrangement.
http://www.lindemansearlyharvest.com.au/events-competitions_garden-challenge.aspx?week=4&page=7 This one is labelled “Des” when you hover over it. It can be found in the second row, second last column.

If you can vote before 12noon Thursday October 8th then we might get enough votes for Dad to win.

Dad would be thrilled to win an internet voting competition.

TIPSMASTER’s note: Who can refuse a fellow tipster in need? I have been to the site and have discovered what a fine floral arrangement STIV’s F.I.L has produced. Regardless of STIV’s personal plea, I found Des’ arrangement to be the best one there so I gladly and unashamedly submitted my vote to Des’ posie.

Join me in our ditch effort to get Des’ stunning flower arrangement over the line.

Remember, you only have until midday Thursday to submit your vote.

( The Big Canberra Flower Show – Just another fine attraction in the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP)

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, SMOOKS has sent us the task to share our thoughts on what could happen to Fev during trade week.

SMOOKS: It is with pleasure that I note that the AFL’s Greatest Knucklehead Brendan Fevola is being traded by those tanking Blues.

Word is that his Brownlow night shenanigans are too shocking to mention and as a consequence, the parties are heading their own direction.   

In my opinion, he must have done something as shocking as waking up next to Caroline Wilson in the morning. Uurrgghhhh 

Anyhow, it would be great to hear anyone else’s thoughts as to how pissed he really was.

Please share your thoughts on ‘The Fate of FEV’

(pic: Nicole Coutts)

FEV

The jokes are out on Bredan Fevola. (lovingly sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, KING CAREY).

Carlton recruits a 6′10″ African for 2010. He is very athletic but has no 
football experience. They decide to put him in the forward line. At the 
first training session Ratten gets all the forwards together to go through 
the game-plan. He speaks very slowly:
 
‘Carlton man get ball in midfield. When you see, you run toward Carlton 
man. Carlton man kick ball to you. You catch ball..’ The African pipes up: 
‘Mr Ratten, I can speak perfect English Sir.’
 Ratten replies ‘Yes I know. I was talking to Fev.’
 
***********************************
 A man, on his way home from work was stuck in traffic which was much worse  than usual. Noticing a policeman walking among the stalled cars, he asked,  “Officer, what’s the holdup?”
 
The policeman says: “Brendan Fevola is so depressed about his behaviour at 
the Brownlow that he’s stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself 
in petrol and set himself on fire. He says everyone hates him. His wife is 
leaving him and taking everything and he’s going to lose his $750,000 
contract at Carlton. I’m walking around taking up a collection for him.”
 
“Oh, really?” the man says. “How much have you collected so far?”
 
“So far only 18 litres, but a lot of people are still siphoning.
 
********************************
 Q: What do Fev and a bottle of beer have in common?
 A: They’re both empty from the neck up.
 
********************************
 Fev is staggering home after Brownlow night when he’s stopped by a 
policeman, who asks him “Have you any ID?” Fev replies “Bout What?”
 
***********************************
 Fev leaves the Brownlow after-party and decides he needs another drink. He  staggers through the front door of a bar. Obviously drunk, he lurches up to  the bar, seats himself on a stool and, with a belch, asks the bartender for 
a beer.
 
The bartender politely informs Fev that it appears that he has already had 
plenty to drink. He would not be served additional liquor at this bar, but 
could get a cab called for him.
 
Fev is annoyed, grumbles, climbs down off the bar stool, and staggers out 
the front door.
 
A few minutes later, Fev stumbles in through the side door of the bar.
 He wobbles up to the bar and hollers for a beer. The bartender comes over 
and still politely, but more firmly, refuses to serve him due to his 
inebriation. Again, the bartender offers to call a cab for him.
 
Fev looks at the bartender for a moment angrily, curses, and shows himself 
out the side door, all the while grumbling and shaking his head.
 
A few minutes later, Fev returns, bursts in through the back door of the 
bar. He plops himself up on a bar stool, gathers his wits, and belligerently 
orders a beer.
 
The bartender comes over and emphatically reminds him that he is clearly 
drunk, will not be served a drink and either a cab or the police will be 
called immediately.
 
Fev looks at the bartender and yells at him in a rage, “Man! How many bars 
do you work at?”

DGES FOOTY TALK rumour.

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, Kathryn Gray from team THE UNIT had her rehearsals yesterday for her Grand Final pre-match entertainment gig.

Kathryn had a quick chat to fellow entertainer, Jim E Barnes which is a claim to fame for her, but she also thinks she saw the boys from the Giant Rock Band ‘Green Day’ standing off to the side at rehearsals.

Could GREEN DAY be making a surprise appearance?

Another strong rumour is that maybe, just maybe John E Farnham could be singing a couple of numbers at the GF entertainment.

If it all happens, just remember you heard it here first on DGES FOOTY TALK.

For the hearing impared amongst us, you would have had a laugh last night while watching THE FOOTY SHOW on channel 9.

Mike Brady sang his classic song, UP THERE CAZALY on the show

It has been brought to my attention that the subtitles on the screen for the benefit of those hearing impared people came up with a blooper.

I presume these subtitles are computer generated or the person on the typewriter has never heard the UP THERE CAZALY song before because the subtitles came up as UP THERE KAZAKHSTAN!

It could become the new Kazakhstan national anthem.

Check out the link for Adolf Hitler’s rant on the 2009 All Australian Team.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1X4R_IDP4aA

Lovingly sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters Pear, Pommie and Smooks

Ridiculous comments from sooky, sooky Collingwood supporters.

I had an idiot Collingwood supporter come in to work the other day.

He gave me the monotonous run down of how brilliant Collingwood are and how they are going to win the flag etc etc etc.

He then told me how fantastic it was that Collingwood beat Adelaide last week while its’ mosquito fleet didn’t even fire a shot.

This idiot then told me that Collingwood’s mosquito fleet consisted of Alan Didak, Leon Davis and Paul Medhurst. All ‘out and out champions…’

‘OUT AND OUT CHAMPIONS!’ Said I. What a ridiculous sooky, sooky comment. Since when were Didak, Davis and Medhurst ‘out and out champions’?

I read with interest that Collingwood’s ‘out and out champion’, Medhurst has been dropped this week!