The Art Of Sledging…Giro Numero Nove…(Round 9)…

SLEDGE

Following on from the round of Sledging last week, Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV have put their slant on the sledging issue:

Something must be horribly wrong while you are watching a football match with your family members including friends, out of nowhere the tension on the playing field has reached at boiling point.

The Murphy-Carlisle exchange included a comment about drug use additionally a comment about Marc “Il Capitano” Murphy’s wife Jessie.

In the end, after St Kilda admitted its shortcomings, the football club was criticized for its lack of a sincere apology.

Perhaps the Saints should have made Carlisle apologize, but, no, instead Carlisle did one better, he got on to social media, something he ought to avoid and tweeted in which he called Murphy a whinger.

Jake “Coward” Carlisle has to tread carefully, he’s at his second club and just nine games into his new career, no doubt he has already brought wide condemnation on the club.

That tweet which came after between his club and Murphy’s club would have to be the dumbest act a football player has committed on social media.

 

As for the AFL, they also took a hammering.

The AFL sets the rules. But the players themselves, through their AFLPA have the opportunity to set their own code of workplace etiquette and standards.

The AFL, their silence this week, after one of the nastiest verbal attacks in recent history, was deafening.

 

Clearly, the saying stick and stones is no longer applicable in any area of society.

 

Here is some classic sledging in the seasons that has gone by.

 

“Do we get four points for this win or do we just get two?” – Geelong – Andrew Mackie asked this to his team mates during a big win against North Melbourne, alluding to the fact that it might have been too easy to warrant getting the full four points.

 

“Get me a footy record, I want to find out who this kid is.” – North Melbourne – Wayne Carey would often ask trainers this question in front of any new player he would come up against.

 

“Who are you? Stop playing mate, you’re no good.” – Collingwood – Dane Swan has been known to use this on his opponents.

 

“It’s because I’ve been carrying you guys for five years – Carlton – Chris Judd said this in response to former Eagle Brett Jones having a go at Judd’s excessive shoulder tape in his first game against his old club.

 

“If you’re still on me at half time I’ll give you $100 – Carlton – Brendan Fevola to Essendon’s Michael Hurley.

“I’ve got more premierships than you’ve played games.” – Geelong – Steve Johnson to GWS player in the club’s first season in the League.

 

“Mate are you old enough to have pubes yet?” – Shitney’s – Big bad Barry Hall to Brisbane’s Jack Redden.

 

“Are you going to use the same bowl you use when you get your hair cut?” – Essendon’s – Mark McVeigh said this to Brisbane legend Jonathan Brown in response to Brown telling him he was going to eat him.

 

“They both sleep with the light on and in bunk beds.” – Brisbane – Martin Pike about the Wakelin twins.

 

Finally the best of the rest belongs to the one and only…

 

Drumroll…

 

“Try that again, and you won’t see the sun go down!” St Kilda colossus Tony “Plugga” Lockett to Adelaide defender Nigel Smart after getting some close attention. This was almost a threat as much as a sledge.

 

We are please to confirm that Smart didn’t try it again, and he got to see the sun go down that night.

 

A trip to memory lane, anyone recalls this infamous stoush on AFL Grand Final Day in 2004?

 

 

https://youtu.be/NAJBqyyrgm4

 

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Hitchhikers’ Guide To Shanghai…Giro Numero Otto …(Round 8)…

Shanghai

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are taking us on a Hitch hikers guide to Shangai…

An historic event will take place this weekend for Australian Rules football.

Specifically this is the AFL’s Chinese expedition in their hope to capture a slice of China’s lucrative sports market.

Port Adelaide and the Gold Coast Bums will clash this Sunday at “Jiangwan” Sports Stadium in Shanghai.

Sporting media have reported that both teams have already started their preparations, while more than 5,000 fans have descended on Shanghai ahead of the clash between Port Adelaide and the Gold Coast Bums with the stadium’s 10,000 seats already sold out, those lucky enough to witness this consequential if not momentous event.

On Sunday Port Adelaide will reveal their new sponsor, as part of their windfall Chinese-linked sponsorship deals that the club says has been a two-year negotiating process in the making.

AFL executive Travis “Trav” Auld announced that the game would be broadcast live on China’s state media channel CCTV.

This gives the game the potential to be the most watched game in the history of this code.

 

This is the match that we all seem to be talking about.

 

Interestingly enough, these senior club coaches were not short of their own opinions about the journey across the sea.

 

Here are some of their thoughts.

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson envious of this missed opportunity grumbling: “Adventure, yeah, I guess that’s what you call when you come back alive.”

 

Making the sign of the cross, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge vowed: “He who travels happy must travel light.”

 

Hawthorn

 

Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson was defiant: “The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.”

 

Annoyed, Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan instructed: “Stop worrying about the potholes on the road and enjoy the journey.”

 

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton joked to his Blue boys: “What travels around the world but stay in one corner? A stamp.”

 

Self-satisfied, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson barked: “How about a stamp on your forehead to destination nowhere!”

 

GWS (Geez!…Which State?)

 

Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron cautioned: “Life is not a fairytale boys, if you lose your shoes at midnight, you’re drunk!”

 

Beaten and exhausted, Nathan “Sure As Hell I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley confessed: “If you are going through hell, keep going.”

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scotty did not want to jeopardized his Cats with potential breathing difficulties: “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”

 

John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold warned: “Be advised, there is no parking in Shanghai.”

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke had some concerns, questioning: “How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to anyone?”

 

Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin adding: “The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”

 

Fremantle

 

Resentful Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon griped: “Never trust anything you read in a travel magazine.”

 

Navigating a possible trip to who knows where, Damien “Hardly” Hardwick was en-route:

“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list!”

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley had it all mapped out: “We are all time travelers at the speed of 60 minutes per hour.”

 

Rodney “Rocket!” Eade has already had a gutful stating: “It’s easier to find a traveling companion than get rid of one!”

 

North Melbourne

 

Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott had a theory: There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane. Either you have diarrhea or you are anxious to meet people who do.”

 

“Bradley, your seats have been secured at the back of a bus to an unspecified place, that is how you will be feeling when this game is over.” Laughed John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire.

 

 

Remember folks, travel safely, and don’t leave home without them!

 

 

https://youtu.be/haG3TQclggo

 

 

 

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Can’t Touch This!…Giro Numero Sette…(Round 7)…

eddy

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are wondering if anyone in the AFL are untouchable…You can’t touch this…

The seventh round itch has appeared imposingly, unwillingly brewing uncertainty in all of us.

Just when you think you have got this game let alone this season figured out, complaints begin to emerge, collectively protesting about the littlest of things.

The decline in a sporting relationship is unexpectedly irritating and incredibly itchy, just like the mites living under your skin that are increasingly difficult to get rid of.

Dangerously, this is where the anti-social behaviour creeps in, the flying accusations, blame game, denunciation and finally isolation.

It’s only round seven of the AFL season; already a number of teams are facing season defining matches.

The last eight on the almighty AFL ladder are now finding their forms, whereas the top eight have somehow lost theirs.

Notable senior sporting coaches and administrators retains this absurd ideology that they are beyond reach, invincible and indestructible.

 

Exemption is no longer an exception.

 

As the AFL weeks breeze by, the willingness to endure and withstand hardship will no doubt ultimately have an expiry date.

 

GWS (Geez!…Which State?)

 

Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron was explicit to Alan and his Saints: “In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.”

Unaffected, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson established: “Even a fool knows you can’t touch the stars, but it won’t keep the wise from trying.”

 

Adelaide

 

“You or your boys can’t touch anything without destroying it!” Don “Is Don…Is Good.” Pyke was in no mood for Brad or his Kangaroos.

“Being a dick; won’t make yours any bigger Donald!” Abused Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott.

 

Carlton

 

Placing a sympathetic arm around Nathan’s shoulder, Brendon “Thor!” Bolton was intent in dismantling Collingmaguirewood’s 125th anniversary celebrations this weekend.

Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Bolts asserted the following: “Hey Bucks, might as well flick that second bird from off your club’s 125th anniversary emblem mate!”

Angrily shoving Brendon against the wall, Nathan “Sure As Hell I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley screamed: “Don’t touch me you peasant!”

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was convinced home territory is a definite victory for his Ports instructing Adam: “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions”.

Expressing his usual tenderness, Adam “Go West!” Simpson” educated: “Oh sure Kenneth, you’re Street smart, Sesame Street smart.”

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott apathy towards the Bum’s home ground Metricon “Intergalactic Stadium Of Planet Has Beens” Stadium stating the obvious: “Listen up Rodney, let’s agree to disagree because this place, your Bums including yourself are too stupid to even understand me.”

Gutsy Rodney “Rocket” Eade the well-versed veteran wasn’t even bothered delivered:

“It doesn’t matter how big my hammer is Christopher, because I can’t even knock common sense in to stupid people like yourself and your kittens.

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Admiring his cherished Bulldogs during their training session, fighting back tears, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge pledged: “My dear followers, we’ve got to pray just to make it through today. Just remember boys, faith does not make things easy, it makes them possible.”

Damien “Hardly” Hardwick wasn’t buying it: “Your words mean nothing when your actions are the complete opposite. Can’t touch this! “ Damo pointing out to his charlatans.

 

Brisbane Lions

 

Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan added more anguish to Longmire’s trouble vexing: “Hey Johnny! We should call this match the Chris and Lions show. What sort of chair do you think I should have?”

“One we can plug in!” Snapped John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire.

 

Melbourne

 

Talking to his Demons, Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was on a roll: “We need a rapid interface in the chin-wag department. I understand Alistair is…sacked!”

“He told you?” Brett “Rats” Ratten was clearly devastated.

“Nah! I read the graffiti in the lift” Laughed Goodwin.

 

Essendon

 

John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold mathematically calculated this match to his baffled Bombers: “Not everything counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted, counts.”

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon subtracted: “John, if you can’t explain it simply to your Bombers, then you don’t understand this game at all.”

 

 

Nobody is sacred.

 

Everyone within the football fraternity is imperiled, can’t touch this?

 

Just wait and see.

 

 

https://youtu.be/otCpCn0l4Wo

 

 

 

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Chewy on your boot Joe Daniher.

joe daniher

Pic: facebook

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Hit the road Jack

HIT THE ROAD JACK

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are wondering who is going to Hit The Road Jack.,,

Ever notice how quitting is vilified as the worst thing you can possibly do, the mark of failure, shame or even worse a sign of weakness?

The reality is deciding whether to leave your sport is always going to be burdensome if not troublesome.

As we all have witnessed so far, the verifiable truth is that there will always be losses, monumental mistakes on and off the field, senior administrators, coaches and players’ no longer seeing eye to eye.

It happens quite a lot in this game.

The sooner you can acknowledge, accept any responsibility in removing that albatross wrapped around your neck, then the honourable thing to do is to put your hands up and just simply walk away from it all.

Learn something from all of the condemnation, concede that you and your playing team will be much better off and that this is just part of the ongoing process in the world of competitive sports.

Is it really that simple?

Not likely.

Some of the senior AFL coaches including well known star players, there are quite a few already as the AFL football world knows it, have passed their use by date, nevertheless are still stubbornly hanging on.

What for? Legendary status?

Play it safe, quit with dignity, otherwise you will be brought into all our critical minds as the disgraceful, incompetent shameful sporting professional.

We all know how the sporting media can be incredibly merciless and very unforgiving.

Mud sticks right?

Capaciously in this social media world of ours, the horrible truth is that concrete definitely sets and it is virtually unbreakable!

Certain individuals have unwillingly processed mentally that now is the time to vanish into mental blankness, nothing but a distant memory.

 

The burning question is who?…

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge was unyielding, devotional in his pilgrimage that his devout Bulldogs were last year’s premiership winners: “I’ve come a long way, I can’t quit now!”

Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron typically displaying his blatant disrespect and rudeness towards Luke barked: “Well Luke, my boys and I have no words to describe how we feel about all this. We do however have a ton of obscene gestures to show you.”

 

 

 

 

St Kilda

 

Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson had no words of comfort for Alistair, walking inside the change rooms at the University Of Tasmania Stadium – Launceston, Richardson was emotionless: “The time you quit learning is the time you quit playing.”

Ignoring his insult, staring at a mirror inside the change rooms of the University Of Tasmania Stadium, distressed by this shocking discovery as opposed to his fallen Hawks, Alistair’s “Angry Little Man” Clarkson concluded: “Finally I figured out the reason why I look so bad in pictures. It’s my face!”

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton was confident that this win could be highly likely, given that Bolts and his Blue boys have already been plunged into the bottomless pit of the AFL ladder cautioning: “Everything happens for a reason Jonno. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you continually keep making bad decisions.”

Overcome and beaten, John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire could barely only articulate: “My luck is so bad at the moment, If I bought a cemetery, people will stop dying.”

 

Port Adelaide

 

“Have you ever listened to someone for a while and wondered…who ties your shoe laces for you?” Ken “Kinky” Hinkley fastened Chris’ game strategy.

Clutching his right hand into a tight fist, Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan bitterly bit back: “When Karma comes back to punch you Kenneth, I wanna be there…just in case it needs help.”

 

Gold Coast Bums

 

Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott was defiant, his theory will not even hold water:

“We haven’t loss any games Rodney, we just ran out of time.”

“If you can accept your kangaroos losing every week, with that attitude you can’t possibly win any games.” Rodney “Rocket” Eade’s experience and well-informed knowledge shot Bradley back to the realism of a potential dismissal that keeps looming on his professional head.

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Adam, “Go West!” Simpson made it quite clear that Ross is now no longer the boss, ridiculing: “Hey Ross, no body wants to follow a losing team, time’s up old man!”

“The real problem is that you have really fantastic bad ideas with your Eagles.

“Better watch your back junior!” Cursed Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon.

 

Essendon

 

John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold has strict standard guidelines before each game:

“This sporting code has two rules:

1 – Never Quit.

2 – Always remember rule number 1.”

“Once you learn to quit John, it becomes a habit, your ground rule is not really a true indicator of your Bomber’s game and ground plans. Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin validated.

 

Geelong

 

Exposing Nathan’s hardship with his deflated Magpies, taunting him even further, Brad “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott relished: “It’s not whether you get knocked down, It’s whether you and your Pies will ever get up!”

Agitated by another prospect of another feasible loss, Nathan “Definitely I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley debated: “Winning means unafraid to lose, you and your conceited kitty Cats should try it some time Bradley!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke gave a stark reminder as to who has flown and landed on top of the AFL ladder: “Actually we are all too fit too quit!”

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick was contemptuous: “You’re love makes me strong, your hate makes me unstoppable Donald.”

 

After the sixth round, somebody’s bags are packed, and the final pay cheque has been issued.

 

Time hit the road Jack…..

And don’t you come back no more, no more, no more, no more!

 

 

https://youtu.be/Q8Tiz6INF7I

 

 

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Blame it on the Boogie

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are wondering who to blame for the errors, losses and misfortunes in our great game. Should we blame it on the Boogie?

Boogie

It really commences with the initial match every Friday evening, the opening game for the round.

Friday night football at the MCG.

Cosing up in front of the telly in your jim jams, with a bottle of Carlton Draught, not forgetting some good ol’ take away – Fish n’ Chips from your local Chippery.

The first goal for the evening is accurately kicked, the blame game suddenly begins.

Out of frustration you spill your beer and your bottle smashes on to the floor into millions of pieces.

What is the first thing that comes out of our mouths without hesitation?…

The worst possible abuse, blasphemy and insult humanly imaginable.

Just as well it is in the comfort of your own living room, no need to worry about being apprehended by the officials, the prospect of being seized by members of your own family is highly likely.

Into the know of the competitive world of AFL footy, the resolution is not a quick fix by mopping up some beer and eating your prized soggy Fish n’ Chips, the repercussions are a lot more serious.

Reputations will be destroyed, instant dismissals, humiliation including the downward spiral of that crevasse of the AFL ladder with the pale rider happily waving that bloody wooden spoon.

 

Blame it on the coach? Blame it on their players’ kicking skills? Blame it on the rain? Blame it on Zeus the Apollo and Adonis?

 

Or is it the senior coaches’ including their players’ that just can’t seem to control their feet?

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton was in no mood for any inspirational pep talks with his Blue boys prior to this game, just some cold hard facts: “Sometimes, not saying anything is the best answer”.

“Correct me when I’m wrong Bolts, but don’t correct me when you are!” Ken “Kinky” Hinkley intervened, irritating Bolton even further.

 

Western Bulldogs

 

“Boys, if you don’t do your part, don’t blame God!” Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge evangelized to his beloved Bulldogs.

Tuning in on “St. Luke’s” sermon, Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan snorted in disgust: “You’re opinion is not my reality”.

 

Adelaide

 

“Listen Rodney, you can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue in their own actions.” Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke lectured, convinced that this match was going to be an easy victory.

“I’m only responsible for what I say not what you understand!” barked Rodney “Rocket” Eade.

 

GWS (Geez!…Which State?)

 

“Stop looking for someone to blame and bloody well fix it!” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron disgraced Johnno, relishing the fact that his defeated Swans are still languishing beneath the crypt of the AFL ladder

“Maybe so Leo, you seem to be only clever at shifting the blame from your own shoulders to those of others.” John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire shielded, clutching at every feasible hope longing for that miraculous win.

 

Fremantle

 

“Stop pointing fingers and placing blame on others, only your game and preparation plans can change to the degree that you accept full responsibility for it.” Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon disciplined.

“You’re right, but we cannot sit and stare at our wounds forever.” Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott sulked, pouting his lower lip, shedding a tear.

 

Geelong

 

“Do it now or forever wish you had”. Insisted Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott to his unstoppable Cats.

Obviously peeved by their triumphant formula, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson rudely scolded: “Oh I’m sorry Christopher, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?”

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson was remorseless with this reality: “Don’t play the victim to circumstances you have created”.

“It’s always my fault isn’t it?” Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson wailed, tugging at his hair.

 

Richmond

 

“It’s always the ones with the filthy hands pointing the fingers”. Damien “Hardly” Hardwick was incredibly smug, for how much longer, only time will certainly tell.

Certifying that Damo needed therapy in behaviourism issues, Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was transparent with his thank-you note: “Cancel my subscriptions because I am done with your issues”.

 

Essendon

 

John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold knew Bucks was wired for an all out total war, attacking his Bombers’, Worsfold went in for the kill: “I didn’t say it was your fault I said I was going to blame you for everything!”

“My attitude is as a result of your actions! If you don’t like my attitude, blame yourselves! Nathan “Sure As Hell I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley stormed off in his customarily charismatic nature.

 

 

Actually we know who is really to blame for this entire flurry and ruffle…

 

Blame it on the Boogie.

 

 

https://youtu.be/mkBS4zUjJZo

 

 

 

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What do Hawthorn and my mobile number have in common?

0-4

Pics from FACEBOOK

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