Monthly Archives: April 2009

Annual ANZAC DAY monotonous whinge



The poor ol’ other footy clubs are bleating again about their selfish “poor ol’ me” in the annual ANZAC DAY monotonous whinge. The grissling has become an annual event to be expected, synonymous with the great ANZAC DAY and commemorating football match itself.

Their selfish, childish complaints are the opposite of what the ANZAC DAY legacy represents. I’m sure the men and women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for all of us and our country would never have considered selfish complaints and whinging over a football match.

Every year the complaints fly as Essendon and Collingwood near fill the country’s biggest capacity stadium, the MCG on the brilliantly organized ANZAC DAY clash. A match that was designed, marketed and organized by the two participating clubs 15 seasons ago. The success of the ANZAC DAY clash makes most other clubs, (usually the pathetic, pennyless clubs) cry to the mountain with the “What about me” routine.

This year, ANZAC DAY fell on the Saturday which provided a perfect opportunity for some of these other clubs to get together and organize their own special day for the occasion. Who knows, a successful North Melbourne v Richmond night match may have prompted the AFL to investigate holding a second commemorative yearly match on ANZAC night at Docklands Stadium.

But these two pathetic clubs missed the boat.

Let’s look at the numbers. Etihad (Docklands) Stadium has a crowd capacity of 53,359 people, yet only 29,224 bothered to turn up to the North Melbourne v Richmond clash. That is 24,135 empty seats. Just over half full under the roof of the Docklands Stadium.

What a disgrace – and proof that these whinging clubs should shut up about stealing the Essendon v Collingwood ANZAC DAY match. They have no idea how to run their own organization – let alone have the foresight to get together with their opponent to capitalize on a perfect opportunity to promote their own identity, capture the night ANZAC clash and make a buck in the process.

Essendon v Collingwood attracted 84,829 people to the second biggest football day of the year. This is on a day where this season neither side has set the world on fire with their on field performances and a day where the weather forecast was extremely bleak.

Let’s look at the other matches held on ANZAC DAY around the country.

FREMANTLE v SYDNEY at SUBIACO 32,885 – CAPACITY 43,500 – not bad for an interstate battle.

HAWTHORN v WEST COAST at AURORA STADIUM 17,460 – CAPACITY 22,000. Again not a bad effort for interstate rivals and a match played in Tasmania.

Richmond and North Melbourne should both lick their wounds and ponder over what might have been, had they promoted the match properly. Instead, North Melbourne president, James Brayshaw stood on his usual soap box on his Sunday TV footy show and cried about why North can’t play in the ANZAC DAY clash. He even organized a phone in poll to count the ‘Who thinks Essendon and Collingwood should have exclusive rights to the ANZAC DAY match’.

The results came in at 54% no and 46% yes.

Not a surprising result considering the biased and very persuasive editorial Brayshaw gave before the phone in. Never once did anyone mention how North Melbourne actually had their own opportunity for the day and stuffed it up.

For the record, the 2009 Essendon v Collingwood ANZAC DAY was as always a great success, and that success has nothing to do with the result of the match. Congratulations to the administrations of both Essendon and Collingwood for staging a great event and it is surely no coincidence that both clubs are highly successful on and off the field.

These other whinging clubs’ administrations would be better served to take notice of how Essendon and Collingwood manage their clubs. They should be more proactive in their own back yard rather than crying about their miserable missed opportunities.



Filed under Collingwood, editorials, Essendon, kangaroos, Rants, Richmond

Port Adelaide win the bad guernsey award.




I think the Wee and Pooers need to be congratulated for their effort over the weekend. For the first time in that clubs history, they played in a game where their jumper was not the worst one on the ground…what in the hell are those knuckleheads at Port Adelaide thinking…it’s not as if they need to wear a clash jumper…how many other teams have a jumper that looks like a toilet bowl after an incontinent, diarrhoea infested person has just vacated it…congratulations and a big hurrah to the Wee & Pooers…the Mighty Mayblooms, they just may have lost the title of worst jumper in VFL/AFL history award…


Filed under port adelaide, Rants, Wee & Poo



Today’s winner of the ‘RIDICULOUS COMMENTS FROM POOR OL’ FOOTSCRAY SUPPORTERS’ goes to DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, SYMO for this bubonic bumble when he submitted his tips for round Fore.

FORE – that is how many wins the Dogs will have after the weekends footy


Filed under competitions, footscray, SYMO

Carlton Facts

cfc u-y1

Carlton facts – sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, Kathryn Gray from team “THE UNIT”

Q. What’s the difference between a trampoline and a Carlton supporter?

A. You take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline

Q. Did you hear about the Post Office wanting to Recall the Carlton postage stamps?
A. People couldn’t figure out which side to spit on!

You are locked in a room with Tim Lane, Jack Elliott and Robert Walls, and a gun with only two bullets. Who do you shoot?
A. Yourself – twice.

Q. What do you call a carlton supporter in a suit?
A. The defendant

Q. Why did the carlton supporter cross the road?
A. To start a fight for no absolute reason

Q. What do you call a female Carlton supporter in a white track suit?

A. The bride

A Collingwood and Carlton fan collide in a huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
“This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends” says the Collingwood fan “I agree” replies the
Carlton fan
The Collingwood fan then returns to the wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
“Look” he says to the Carlton fan, “this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival”
He hands the bottle over to the Carlton fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Collingwood fan, who then puts the top back on & returns the bottle to his car.
“Aren’t you having any?” asks the Carlton fan. “No” replied the Collingwood fan, “I think I’ll wait until the Police get here.”

Three old football fans are in a church, praying for their teams.The first one asks, “Oh Lord when will Collingwood next win the Premiership?”
God Replies, “In the next five years.”

“But I’ll be dead by then,” says the man.
The second one asks, “Oh Lord, when will Melbourne Victory next win the A-League?”
The Good Lord – answers, “In the next five years.”
“But I’ll be dead by then,” says the man.
The third one asks, “Oh Lord when will Carlton win a game?”.
God answers, “I’ll be dead by then!”
Q. What is the difference between a dead dog on the road and a dead Carlton supporter on the road?
A. There are skid marks in front of the dog

Q. Two Carlton supporters jump of a cliff. Who wins?
A. Society

Q. What does a carlton supporter use as a contraceptive?
A. His personality

Q. What do you call a 30 year old carlton supporter?
A. Granny

Q. Whats the first question during a carlton supporters quiz night?
A. ‘Watchya lookin at mate?!’

Did you hear the new road laws
that police are going to bring into effect?

First offence is a Carlton season ticket.
Second offence is you have to use it
Third offence is you have so sit next to Barb!

Q. What is the difference betwen Carlton and a massive pile of dog dung?
A. Absolutely nothing!

Q. How many carlton supporters does it take to stop a moving bus at high speed?
A. There are never enough!

Q. What is the difference between a Carlton Fan and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a
Carlton fan.

A one eyed Blue bagger went into the carlton social club on a Saturday afternoon to drown his sorrows
Bagger..Pot of
Carlton thanks
Barman..Sorry mate you can have a VB
Bagger..Nah pot of Killkenny thanks
Barman..Sorry mate how about a pot of
Bagger..Well what about a pot of Guiness
Barman..Sorry mate
Bagger..How come i cant get a pot of
Carlton ,Killkenny or Guiness yet i can get a VB or Melbourne?
Barman..We’ve got no Draught choices mate but you can still get Bitter.

These three friends all die at the same time and end up at the Pearly Gates where Albert Einstein is waiting for them, The first chap arrives and and Alby ask’s him whats your IQ mate?
The chap repiles ‘250’
‘Ah excellent’ says Alby  we can articulate in the meaningful discussions with my mates Plato anmd Newton about the theory of relativity, Chaos, Theory, Astrophysics and the theory of everything, We will have much to can now enter the pearly gates.
The second fella arrives and Alby ask’s the same question ‘Whats you IQ champ?
150 cries out the second fella
Ah good repiles Alby we can discuss History, Economics and Sociology, We have much to discuss you may enter the pearly gates.
The Third bloke gets to the gates and replies sheepishly to Alby’s IQ request ’50’
Alby replies “how about those mighty blues mate”

Q. Two blokes were walking through a cemetry and stumble across a tombstone that read ‘Here lies John Falkner Good Man and a Carlton fan’
A. So one of them asked the other ‘ When did they start burying two people together?’

Four Surgeons are taking a coffee break ‘ First one says accountants are easy to operate on because everything is numbered, Nah says the second one  Librarians are the best because everything is in Alphabetical order, Nah humbug says the third one Electricians are easily the best to operate on because everything is colour coded, The fourth one says nah i prefer Carlton Players  because they’re Heartless, Gutless and Spineless and they’re heads and backsides are interchangable.

Q. What do Carlton fans and Sperm have in common?
A. One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a Human Being.

Q. What’s the thinnest book in the world?
A. Carlton Champions of the new Millenium.

Q. What does a 30 year old Carlton supporter take to the football?
A. Her three kids!

Q. Why do people spew in Gutters?
A. To give
Carlton supporters breakfast in bed!

Q. What do you do for a drowning Carlscum player?
A. Nothing you could drag him to the top but he’s choke anyhow.

Technical support to Carlscum supporter..
‘Do you have any windows open’ ?

Carlton supporter replies
“Are you crazy it’s freezing cold outside’.

How you know when your at a Carlton supporters house?
Their’s a pair of undies drying in the oven.
Their’s an esky where the fridge was.
Front yard resembles a car wreckers yard.
The toilet seat is lost and later recovered on the roof.
Their’s five beds in every bedroom.

Some guy with stubby in hand with Fag hanging out mouth is squirting the hose at clothes hanging on the later learn he was just doing the club’s washing.
Their’s a bloke resisiting arrest on the front lawn.
Theirs a half eaten pastie on the couch you later discover it’s one of the players dates for Brownlow medal night.

Q. Why dont you allow Carlscum fans a coffee break at work
A. Because it takes to long to re-train them.

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Filed under carlton, Humour

‘Black Saturday’


I came across this poem on the wall of the Kinglake National Park Hotel. It touched me, firstly because of the author’s poetic way of introducing us to the WA/VIC rivalry in footy, but also because of the way Australians forgot all of our interstate prejudices and bonded together for the victims of the bushfires.

Unfortunately the author of the poem is unknown.

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Filed under Uncategorized



Introducing LACHLAN CLARKE –


Lachlan is seen here dressed for his first game at Docklands last week against Freo.

Mum Karen and Dad Stewart were very proud of their newest Bomber member.

Uncle Col met up with Lachlan at the footy that night and I’d like to commend him on his bone crushing Clarke family trait handshake and his almighty high five.

Lachlan is aspiring to be a future DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster.


Filed under Essendon

Essendon in 2009? NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!


Da da-da da-da
Da da-da da-da
Da da-da da-da da-da da-da
Da da da
We won the wooden spoon
We won the auld, dark wooden spoon
We’re the team that always lets you down
We’re the only team from dago town

You know we’re Carlton
Because our banner
Is in Italian
And they will know that we were coming
Until we met the Mighty Dons!

As for the Bombers in 2009…NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!


Filed under carlton, Essendon