Monthly Archives: May 2012

Poor ol’ Footscray v GWS Theme Songs

Some of the biggest tools in the world ring radio stations and today was no exception.

I was listening to the 3AW sports program with Gerard Healy and Dwayne Russell when an irate Poor ol’ Footscray supporter phoned in to complain about the new GWS club song. This fella was trying to make the point that GWS have stolen the Poor ol’ Footscray theme song.

Fair dinkum – what is he on? This idiot has been hanging around too much with the bloke who reckons ‘Kookaburra sits in the old gum tree’ sounds like ‘Down Under’…but that’s another story…

These two club songs are nothing alike. The GWS song is an inspirational  belter, straight out of the classic Cossacks’ movie ‘TARUS BULBA’ whereas the Poor Ol’s song is like their footy history, a kiddies story straight out of ‘GRIMMS FAIRY TALES’

The GWS song is a cracker and I can’t wait to hear it again – (unless it is against Essendon).

On the other hand The Poor ol’ Footscray song is a dead set dud.

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: I reckon this irate Talkback radio caller is like the rest of us, he has simply never heard the Poor ols’ song often enough because it is very, very rarely sung!

Here’s a sample of both songs. You will probably be unfamiliar with both because we have rarely heard either of them But here goes.


Sons of disgrace.

Red, White and Blue

We’ll come out smiling

When we win or lose (we’ll lose…)

Bulldogs fart and bulldogs snore

We’re nowhere near the rest

But you can’t beat the boys of the Bulldogs team

With an empty trophy chest!


Well there’s a big big sound
From the West of the town
It’s the sound of the mighty GIANTS

You feel the ground A-SHAKING
The other teams are quaking
In their boots before the GIANTS

We take the longest strides
And the highest leap
We’re stronger than the rest

We’re the Greater Western Sydney GIANTS
We’re the biggest and the best

And we will never surrender
We’ll fight until the end
We’re greater than the rest

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: fairdinkum I could belt out the GWS song all day long while guzzling vodka and playing chess.




Filed under GWS, Poor ol' Footscray

Mooseboy has footy team confusion

I love this.

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, Glenn Clarke from team MOOSEBOY used to barrack for Richmond but in a sensitive moment one day, he gathered his family together and told them he had something to confess.

Of course the family thought there was something fishy and he was going to come out of the closet and finally admit to what they had all suspected, but no. Mooseboy didn’t gather the family to tell them he was gay but he confessed that he was changing teams from Richmond to Essendon.

Mooseboy has always had a bit of an identity crisis since he changed sashes, often mistakingly slipping up with a ‘Go Tiges’ instead ‘Go Bombers’. He has also been known to frequent the Richmond Social Club.

Well. Mooseboy’s latest identity blunder has been shared with us by his brother Pear in this copy of a transcript conversation.

A special mention to my brother, Mooseboy, who rang me from a pub in Richmond after the game.
PEAR: How was the game?
MOOSEBOY: Dunno, it was a sell out so I had to go to a pub and watch on TV.
PEAR: But you’re an EFC member with reserved seats.
MOOSEBOY: it wasn’t our home game.
PEAR: oh yes it was!
MOOSEBOY: (pause) f@ck! —

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: Could it be possible that Mooseboy for a fleeting moment thought he was a Richmond supporter again?


Filed under Mooseboy, Pear, Richmond

NRL insults our National Anthem

I tuned in to watch the NRL State of Origin match between QLD and NSW on Wednesday night. As is tradition with these events they had a performer sing the National Anthem before the game. This years’ singer was Caitlin Marks, the star of the Musical Stage Production ‘ANNIE’.

I was disappointed and amazed to find that Caitlin performed the song in character, wearing the costume and wig she wears for the stage show. This is a very distinctive costume which would be immediately identified as relating to the show ANNIE and was clearly an advertisement for the show which is currently playing in Melbourne.

I have always believed in the national anthem and the patriotism it represents. I believe that we should stand with our hats off when it is played at an event. I always proudly stand and sing along and I am always disappointed when sportsmen and sportswomen don’t sing along.

The NRL deny any knowledge prior to the event of Caitlin performing in character but I think someone should have been responsible and stepped in and over ruled to make her change her outfit before she went out to sing. We live in a world inundated with advertising and I don’t believe it was an accident. My suspicious mind suspects there may have been a deal done as a clear advertisement for the show.

Call me a prude but our national anthem should not be used as an advertising platform, either directly or indirectly for any organisation or product.



Filed under editorials, NRL

The Mighty Avondale Heights change their song.

Never have I been so shattered and disappointed with what I heard the other day tipsters.

Allow me to tell you the story.

I grew up playing my Junior footy for the Mighty Heights. The Avondale Heights Football Club. Avondale always had the best club song in the EDFL. And how we used to belt it out – arms linked with your mates after a win full of gusto and spirit, wow the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up now just remembering the good old days at the Doyle St and later Canning St Club Rooms.





















The song was not a copy of an AFL song. It was just a great club song written by Frank Monk back in 1967.

Well last Saturday tipsters, I happened to be at Raeburn Reserve to watch Pascoe Vale host Avondale Heights in the Round 6 senior A-Grade clash in the EDFL.

Avondale came from behind in a fantastic contest and beat Pascoe Vale by 8 points.

I decided to stand outside the rooms after the game to hear the Mighty Heights belt out the song but what did I hear coming from the rooms?

To the tune of the Carlscum theme song:

Da da-da da-da

Da da-da da-da

Da da-da da-da da-da da-da..da-da da

We are the Mighty Heights

We are the old dark Mighty Heights etc etc etc – it is too depressing for me to continue.

At the end of the Carlscum version they tacked on the original song We’re the Heights, we’re the Heights etc but by then the damage had been done.

I can’t believe my club has sold out to that monotonous old durge of the chant of the Carlscum Blues. What’s next? ‘We know we’re Avondale because our banner is in Italian?’

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster Barnsey didn’t play for Avondale. He played for the arch enemy Strathmore but even he was shattered with the news:

BARNSEY quote: Mate I’m gutted, I know that song, it haunts me at night in the dark and in my dreams

“Whether they’re big or whether they’re small, we don’t care we go right throught ’em all”

Mummy…mummy, where’s my mummy?

You have to find the President and give him a spray. You can’t change your song or your name.

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster and former East Keilor/Keilor Park player PEAR wants to know if there was a vote. Pugs would be rolling in his grave

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: Pugs is a club stalwart and long time member – he is however still alive I believe!

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster and former East Keilor player LEGEND was a little harsher in his critisism

LEGEND quote: Da da-da da-da Avondale Poofs, should all wear number 1…

The DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP is such a world wide phenomenon tipsters – the beating of the jungle drums spread world wide very rapidly on this story. I was impressed to learn that Legend found out the news from a contact in Spain only two hours after the game had finished!

Now that is class! (far more classy than the da da-da da-da Carlscum theme song…)


Filed under Avondale Heights, Barnsey, carlton, EDFL, Legend, Pear, Uncategorized


DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipstress and our very own Italian Correspondent Nadia Suric from team BYRD has taken round 8 right back to the eighties. So much so that her round 8 tips suggest an eighties song to be sung for each winning team.

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: I hope these songs bring back as many great memories for you as they did for me…

What’s-a matter you? Hey! Gotta no respect.
What-a you t’ink you do? Why you look-a so sad?
It’s-a not so bad, it’s-a nice-a place.

Ah, shaddap-a you face!


The only reason I am going with the mighty Cats is my absolute and sheer disgust in tipping in preference for you know who….

I know this match can go either way, but this will be a close one, I’m worried as Geelong are beginning to slip, not another post trauma of winning the Grand Final 2011?

God help us! 

Song to sing and learn: “I’m an individual” – Jacko

North Melbourne (God I hate them!) Port Powerless I really don’t give a damn about this game both team bore me to tears.

I would rather spend the afternoon clipping my toenails and spread the clippings on my neighbours’ veggie patch.

Song to sing and learn: “Who can it be now?” Men at Work

Hawthorn The Dockers will suffer the atmospheric conditions in Tassie. The travelling will take its toll, Hawthorn are surpassing everyone’s lack of faith and may win this comfortably.

Buddy “Monomaniac, sexist, egotistical pig” Franklin, still love your T-shirts eh?….

The Cartlon Crew (ladies) is still watching you.

Song to learn and sing: “Centerfold ”- J.Geils Band

Shitney Maestro you have to make an executive decision and start introducing the N.P.M. rule. There is not even a glimmer of hope that this will be a winner, I feel so sorry for the Dees.

God! Imagine barracking for them? I rather spend the rest of the football season in Siberia or worse still Timbuktu.

Song to learn and sing: “ I Only Want what’s Mine” – Warrick “Crapper” Capper. 

Western Bulldogs Gold Coast Bums have been giving nothing but reoccurring nightmares and sleepless nights, for the love of God, go back to where you to came from “Planet Ork” Nanu Nanu

Song to learn and sing: “Another one bites the dust!” – Queen 

Essendon Confidentially, without a doubt, I will screech, bellow; yell if Richmond win this, after all this is the demented, insane, mental, and unpredictable world of footy.

Song to learn and sing: “Eye of the Tiger” – Survivor

Brisbane Lions Seeing that GWS (God! What Slobs) have lost their football virginity by winning for the very first time, definitely a phenomenal miracle.

Never ever to be seen again.

Song to learn and Sing: “Like A Virgin” – Madonna

Carlton My boys lost every opportunity in grabbing the top spot on the almighty AFL ladder by doing the unthinkable, playing dumb footy, the LCD screen was covered in spit, beer, wine, popcorn, and chips.

My poor and very expensive telly will be smashed in to smithereens if my Blue boys lose to Adelaide.

Song to learn and sing; “Shaddap you Face” – Joe Dolce 

West Coast Eagles Eternal thanks to your boys for finally breaking the spell of their winning streak.

Matey you can wipe the grin off your face; I’m still incredibly cheesed off with what your lot did to my boys in round 4.

This is retribution for the Saints being smart arses.

Song to learn and sing: “Don’t worry, Be Happy” – Bobby McFerrin

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: Uccello molto stimolante! Ora ho intenzione di andare a far crescere una triglia!

(Very inspiring indeed BYRD! I’m now going to go and grow a mullet!)


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Filed under Byrd, TIPS

FOOTY POETRY – episode 7

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, Glenn Beer from team HOOTER has sent us his round 8 tips of verse in episode 7 of FOOTY POETRY

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: I can’t believe you found a word to rhyme with dildo! Nice work Hooter!

Geelong…when I was young, I was taught…never pick team Voldemoort…

North Melbourne…what the fark is a shinboner…there was once a ranger who was a loner…

Hawthorn…on Fremantle the hawks will do, a mighty load of wee & poo…

South Melbourne…how could anyone tip the Dees, the swans will bring them to their knees…

Footscray…the aim of the game is to kick more goals, so my tip today is the Poor Ols…

Essendon…Richmond’s wounds, they will lick ‘em….like a festering scabby wound, you just never ever pick ‘em

Brisbane Bears…against the GWS it is the Bears, my granddaddy always says, ”Son, who farken cares…”…

Carlton…to shove it up the Crows bum, I hate to say I tip Carlscum…

West Coast…the eagles will ream out St. Kildo with a bloody great ginormous dildo…

Great work Hoot – let’s see WHOOOO can match that!

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Filed under hooter, Poetry


Winners are grinners!

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters Trish Fearn from team MAGPIE TRISH and Ian Jones from team IS IT SEPTEMBER YET? are enjoying life and celebrity as they celebrate being our two jackpot winners so far after 7 rounds of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP.

This has been an incredibly difficult season for tipstering so our jackpot winners are extra worthy of their cash prizes. Keep up your good work tipsters and you too may be celebrating a life of prestige and privelidge as a DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP JACKPOT WINNER!

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Filed under jackpots, Jonesy, Magpie Trish, TIPS