ROUND 2 predictions from our Italian Correspondents and DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP Tipstresses BYRD & CONTESSA MANSKI.
On Sunday the 30th of March 2014 James (Not So Pretty Boy Hirdy) Hird was asked to remove himself from his place of residence, the request came from his wife – Tanya (Mania) Hird. With his gargantuan ego and compulsive nature in everything in life, deep down, Jimbo knew she was right, but he also knew that some day he would hope to return to her.
Like a bum on the streets, with nowhere to go, Jimbo appeared unannounced at his holiday home of his life long mentor and friend Kevin (I’m Really Sorry Now!) Sheedy, much to the condemnation of Kevin Sheedy’s family.
In desperation, Sheedy phones his loyal Bomber pals Matthew (Lurch) Lloyd and Tim (Big Mouth Strikes Again!) Watson. Kev pleads with them to stay for an evening, hoping to avoid in having direct contact with Hirdy as much as possible.
Can these two men live together in harmony without driving each other crazy?…
Trying to ease the intolerable and unbearable tension already in the house, Hirdy was reminiscing about the good old days in Bomber land under big Kev’s leadership.
Breaking him off in mid sentence, out of the blue, Sheedy spits out:
“Don’t come to me with your petty problems. You boys hear him whining for only one stinkin’ night, I’m now cooped up with “Mary Poppins” 24 hours a day!”
In company with Matthew and Tim over for quite a few beers and a not so friendly game of poker, the game is suddenly stopped short.
Lloyd: “What are you, crazy, letting him go to the toilet alone?”
Watson: “Suppose he tries to kill himself?”
Sheedy: “How’s he gonna kill himself in the loo?”
Lloyd: “Whaddaya mean, how? Razor blades poison anything that’s in there.”
Sheedy: “Nah, that’s the kid’s bathroom. The worst he could do in there is brush his teeth to death.”
Lloyd “He could jump!”
Watson: “That’s right! Isn’t there a window in there?”
Sheedy: “Yeah, but its only six inches wide.”
Lloyd: “Yeah, well he could break the glass – he could cut his wrists!”
Sheedy: “He could also flush himself into the Yarra River. I’m telling you he’s not going to do anything.”
Watson: “Sh! Sh! Listen!…Listen!”
Sheedy and Watson follow Lloyd to the bathroom door; Jimbo is heard crying.
Lloyd: “He’s crying. You hear that? Hirdy is crying!”
Watson: “Isn’t that terrible? For God sakes Kev, do something, say something!”
Sheedy: “What?…What do you want me to bloody say to a bloke who’s crying in your bathroom?”
“Alright mate?” Enquired Lloyd, as Hirdy finally stepping out of the bathroom.
“Ah…you “assumed” Mate!” Snapped Hirdy. “You should never “assume”. You see when you “assume” continuing, smiling villainously “You make an “ass” …out of you…and “me”, arrogantly walking off in to another room.
“For Christ Sakes. Look at you. You’re the only man in the world with clenched hair!” Laughed Tim as Hirdy was staring at himself in the hallway mirror, adjusting his greasy mane.
Resuming their delay game of poker, concerned about Hirdy’s state of mind, Watson whispered to Lloyd the following:
“What if Hirdy is laying on the gutter face down somewhere? Who would know who he is?”
“He’s got 92 credit cards in his wallet. The minute something happens to him, Australia bloody lights up.” Barked Sheedy, sitting himself at the poker table, shuffling the cards irritably
(Sniffs) “What’s the smell? Disinfectant?”
(Sheedy smells his cards)
“It’s the cards. He’s washed bloody the cards.” Fumed Watson and Lloyd.
(Both gets up from the poker table)
“I’m getting out of here. I can’t stand it anymore. I’ve been sitting here, breathing cleaning fluid and ammonia for three bloody hours!” Screamed Sheedy, angrily banging his fists on the edge of the table, knuckles beginning to slightly bleed.
“What are you doing?” A confused Watson asked.
“Sterilizing the wound.” Fumed Sheedy.
“With beer?” Lloyd questioned, bewildered, shacking his head.
“It’s got alcohol in it.” Sheedy retorted.
Opening up the moldy smelly fridge that was almost completely empty, Hirdy decided to bring a snack over to Sheedy to calm him down. Risking a fist in his face, Hirdy gently asks: “You want brown rice or green juice?”
“What’s the bloody difference?” Raged Sheedy.
Hirdy examining the contents of the food, nervously responded “Three weeks.”
North Melbourne (God! I hate them)
“You can’t spend the rest of your life crying, it annoys people on the telly!”
Confirmed Sheedy trying to restore some much-needed harmony in this hellish environment. Less than four hours ago Sheedy’s holiday home was his only sanctuary away from the constant scrutiny from the media until Tarzan (Hirdy) came swinging over uninvited.
“Don’t point that finger to me! Unless you intend to use it!” Seethed Hirdy.
“I’m a neurotic and senile old fart, but you’re bonkers!” Sheedy storming off to his bedroom, slamming the door firmly shut!
In this highly emotional volcanic scenario, Mount Sheedy was just about to erupt; Watson and Lloyd finally came to their senses that they both have outstayed their welcome.
In an Essendon minute, Watson and Lloyd rapidly decided to make themselves scarce. Typically, without a care in the world, Jimbo walked over to Sheedy’s bedroom, sarcastically grinning and bid him: “Goodnight.”
Sheedy hurling his empty beer bottle to the bedroom door roared: “Goodbye!”