For those of you considering breaking the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP’s N.P.R (Never Pick Richmond) rule, be prepared for a ride on the Richmond Bandwagon…
Lovingly sent to us by Leanne Draper from team Leanne Draper.
Lovingly sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP (and our Italian Correspondents) BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV
What an erratic, unreliable tempestuous round of footy!
Now is the right time for an extraordinary kind of law enforcer to establish regulation in to the football community, to fight the underworld in the island state of Docklands City.
A special state police unit answering only to the Governor (The Guv) – Mike “Fitzy” Fitzpatrick.
Led by Andrew “Gaddafi” Demetriou (Steve McGarrett) his mission is to stamp out organized sporting crime such as money laundering, tip offs amonhttps://dgesfootytalk.files.wordpress.com/2014/04/hfo.png?w=300gst other players, degrading, discrediting, dishonoring the football code, elicit and illegal behavior and finally worst of all….
Really bad footy.
The names of the special police unit (Hawaii Five-O) on assignment are:
Inspector Steve McGarrett (Andrew “Gaddafi” Demetriou)
Detective Daniel “Danno” Williams (Gilllon “McMoron” McLachlan)
Detective Chin Ho (Tony “Geek” Peek)
Detective Kono Kalakaua (Andrew “Dill” Dillon)
Upon meeting a disheveled, sloppy, unclean and unshaven Danny (McLachlan), McGarrett (Demetriou) had already mapped out his plan.
McGarrett (Demetriou): ”The Guv (Fitzy) said you were transferred in from St Vincent’s De Paul, you’re still raw”.
McGarrett pinching his nose as the stench from Danny was unbearable.
Danny (McLachlan): “Yeah but It’s only been five weeks, you know.”
Wiping the grime off his soiled face.
McGarrett (Demetriou): “Fold out bed, no ring on your finger, you obviously moved here to be close to your daughter. Which means in between visits, all you’ve got is your job.”
Danny (McLachlan): “Yeah, but you know what? Its guys like you who think you know how to do everything better and that only makes my job harder.”
McGarrett (Demetriou): “You have no choice detective, the Guv (Fitzy) gave me jurisdiction. I’m making you my partner. We’re gonna get along great.”
Detectives McGarrett – (Demetriou) Danny – (McLachlan) Chin Ho – (Peek) and Kono – (Dillon) headed off unannounced to the Gabba. All four Detectives interrogating Coach Justin Leppitch with the following:
“A team that has played 20 quarters of football and won just one of those quarters. Our math’s suggests the Lions are tracking to win four quarters, in total by the end of this season.” Snorted McGarrett (Demetriou) as the other Detectives looked on laughing hysterically.
In defense, Justin Leppitsch spat back: “Why don’t you four go forth and multipy!”
Leppitsch speedily bolts towards his parked car opposite the Gabba. Danny apprehends Leppitsch, forcing him to the ground.
McGarrett (Demetriou): “Book ‘im Danno!”
Danny (McLachlan): “Really? Is this gonna be your thing?”
North Melbourne (God! I Hate Them)
At Olympic Park, Chin Ho (Peek) and Kono (Dillon) the Detectives approach the grounds.
Instead of a routine pre-game training session at the Gabba; all of the Kangaroos and Collingmaguirevomitshitwood players were throwing fists with one another.
Invasion of a Bogan kind.
Andrew Swallow (Shallow) is gripped in a tight headlock by Travis Cloake (Joke).
Consumed with outrage, both Captains were ready for warfare, a melee.
“Has anyone seen Travis Cloake?…Can you tell Bucks where he is?” Sniggered Chin Ho (Peek) to Cloake. Lame brained Kono (Dillon) foolishly pokes Travis Cloake hard on his right shoulder.
Cloake instantly releases Swallow from his strangulating grip.
Both Captains charge through the smarmy Detectives, tackling them face down on to the ground.
Chin Ho (Peek) sees Kono (Dillon) bent over: “What are you doing?”
Kono (Dillon): “Buying a car. What’s it look like I’m bloody doing?”
Chin Ho: “It looks like you’re doing the downward dog, but I know you don’t do yoga.”
Kono: “I’m stretching because my back hurts. Do you know why my back hurts?”
Chin Ho: “No. Why does your back hurt?”
Kono: ”No thanks to those blockheads tackling us on to the ground the other day.”
Chin Ho: “Ah. Where I come from that’s called good exercise.”
Kono: “Where is that, Planet Krypton? Listen mate, where I come from, that’s called worker’s comp settlement.”
The Guv (Fitzy) demands that McGarrett (Demetriou) and Danny (McLachaln) pay a friendly visit to Adam (Go West!) Simpson, cautioning the new kid on the block who’s the boss. McGarrett and Danny visit Adam inside the coach box – Paterson Stadium.
McGarrett: “ You gonna open the door?”
Adam “Go West!” Simpson: “Not a chance.”
McGarrett: “I’ll be back.”
Danny: “I’ll be back? (To Adam “Go West!” Simpson) He’s done a lot better, trust me.
(To McGarrett) That’s all you can up with is “I’ll be back?”
McGarrett: “ I’ve got something. I’ve got something good. (Goes outside)
Danny To Adam “Go West!” Simpson): “You see what you did? I don’t know what he’s gonna do. But if I were you, I’d run out the back, side, roof… Go!” (McGarrett returns with a grenade)
“A grenade? He has a grenade. Why do you have a grenade? He’s got a grenade. You see this? He’s not bluffing? He will pull the pin and blow everybody up. Will you trust me please?”
Adam “Go West!” Simpson scoffs: “That thing’s not even real.”
McGarrett: “You gonna open the door?”
Adam: “No Way!”
McGarrett: “Okay.” (McGarrett and Danny run outside as the grenade goes off.)
Danny: “What is wrong with you? You need help? I’ll pay for it!”
A vengeful McGarrett (Demetriou) confronting an unrepentant James “The Fugitive” Hirdy at “The Locker Room Club Bar Level 1 – Etihad Stadium.
(To Hirdy while he was waiting for Mark “Bomber” Thompson): “What makes you think I won’t kill you right here in this restaurant?”
Hirdy self-righteously states: “The man who strikes first admits that his ideas have given out. Old Chinese proverb.”
McGarrett (Has a gun aimed at Jimbo under the table): “Say hello to my little friend.
Old Aussie proverb.”
Arriving at Adelaide Oval, the Hawaii Five-O police unit observes Adelaide and GWS (God! What Slobs) doing their stretching exercises smoking, drinking beer, eating kebabs. Chin Ho (Peek) confesses to his colleagues: “Growing up in poverty and making something of yourself used to be considered a virtue in this country.”
Kono (Dillon) is stunned: “Is that Capone? (To McGarrett and Danny) “Did he just quote Capone?”
Paul (Lose) Roos was angry as hell as he watched the Detectives barged inside the MCG cafeteria.
Innocently, Paul was standing by the vending machine, demanded: “I want to talk your boss!”
McGarrett (Demetriou): “I only answer to God and the Guv (Fitzy), neither of them is going to help you right now. Take a seat!”
Mick (The Wise one) Malthouse was clearly unimpressed with the Detectives uninvited visit at VISY Park, angrily Mick lectured: “Don’t bother with me; I’m by the book. Unlike you lot. Which book? The Patriot Act for Dummies? How to Nuke your enemies? War and Peace? Minus the peace part! Now Bugga Off!”
Suspicious Chris (Beam me up Scotty) Scott digs in his heels with the Hawaii Five-O police unit with this comeback: “I don’t want your friendships over a beer, then it’s dinner, outing with the wives and the kiddies and the next thing you know, it’s over!”
“You need to talk to someone professionally” Chuckled McGarrett (Demetriou)
Chris: “I do. You! And now the session is over!”
The following afternoon, during a press conference outside AFL Headquarters, The Guv (Fitzy) dictates proudly: “Three days ago, the Five-O task force have successfully orchestrated an efficient and coordinated clean up of all the clubs, the island state of Docklands City is now a safer place. I have sent a strong and clear message to you all:
“No wins! You’re all skinned!”
ROund 4 selections from our DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters and our ITALIAN CORRESPONDENTS, BYRD, MANKSI & UNCLE EV (The real Three Amigos?)
In April 2014, the notorious bandit El Guapo Andrew “Gaddafi” Demetriou and his gang of AFL thugs, Ghillon “McMoron” McLachlan, Tony “Geek” Peeks and Andrew “Dill” Dillon are collecting protection money from the not so fortunate AFL clubs in the small village of Santo CarlColMelb.
Meanwhile Lucky Day – Mick “Nearly Departed” Malthouse, Dusty Bottoms – Nathan “Braggadocio” Buckley and Ned Nederlander – Paul “Lose” Roos are part-time B-grade actors (when they are away from their coaching field) who portray the heroic Amigos on the screen. When they demand a salary increase, the studio boss fires them and evicts them from their studio-owned housing in the Docklands.
After breaking in to the studio to retrieve their signature costumes, the Amigos head for the “Chihuahua Bar” South Wharf – Docklands.
The next morning when four of El Gaupo (Demetriou) AFL thugs come to raid the small town of Santo CarlColMelb, the Amigos do a Hollywood-stunt show that leaves the thugs (McMoron, Geek and Dill) very confused. The bandits ride off, making everyone believe that the Amigos have defeated the enemy.
The village throws a boisterous celebration for the Amigos and their (supposed) victory.
In reality, the thugs inform El Guapo of what just happened, he decides to return in full force the next day and kill the Amigos.
Celebrating the Amigos conquest, in company with the towns folk enjoying a traditional meal of Chile Colorado (beef with chili sauce) El Guapo (Demetriou) and his AFL gringos burst inside the “Chihuahua Bar” hell bent in destroying the Amigos.
El Guapo and his imbecilic AFL bandits shooting their guns in the air threaten: “Do you know what “nada” means?”
“Isn’t that a light chicken gravy?” smirked Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) waving off El Guapo and his gringos continuing drinking shots of tequila by the bar.
Geek (Peeks) to Dill (Dillon): “How do you like your magpie?”
Dill (Dillon) swaggers over to a trembling Dusty Bottoms (Buckley), knocks off his tequila bottle from his hand, sculls his tequila, responds viciously: “Medium rare.”
The head chef – Pablo typically taking no notice of the catastrophe that’s just about to unfold inside the Chihuahua Bar delivers Birria (steamed goat), Pollo Encacahuatado (chicken in peanut sauce) and a big bowl of chili con carne with a crate of Corona beer to the table.
“Do you have anything besides Mexican food?” Grumbles Lucky Day (Malthouse)
Enraged taking off his filthy apron, wiping the sweat from his brow, Pablo leans over his teeth clenched, snaps in broken English: “Que es tu problema? Your jugadores (players) are no good, no es mi culpa, now eat or get out!”
Seeing that the situation was getting progressively worse, in desperation Ned Nederlander (Roos) suddenly stands on the table, hand on his heart declares: “No! We will not die like dogs. We will fight like lions! Because we are…
Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) Luck Day (Malthouse) and Ned Nederlander (Roos): “The Three Amigos!”
Victorious Ned Nederlander jumps off the table, falling on top of chef Pablo, picks himself up, walks up to El Guapo (Demetriou) challenges: “Tell us we will die like dogs!”
El Guapo confused scratching his lice infested hair: “Eh?”
Ned Nederlander continues: “Tell us we will die like dogs!”
Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day are now slowly backing away towards the entrance of the Chihuahua Bar.
El Guapo murderously grinning with his tobacco stained teeth screams: “You WILL die like dogs!”
Narrowly missing being killed, The Three Amigos quickly get inside the 2014 Chevrolet Corvette parked outside belonging to El Guapo (Demetriou) he foolishly left the keys in the ignition, speeding off to destination nowhere on a full tank of petrol.
“Get them! Dead or alive” screamed El Guapo to his useless AFL thugs. To his horror, realizing his car has gone, El Guapo began sobbing uncontrollably: “My car! My beautiful car!”
Eventually locating The Three Amigos hiding inside a disused warehouse in Bacchus Marsh, El Guapo (Demetriou) and his good for nothing bandits carefully scoured the area.
“I know each one of you, like I know my own smell!” Seethed El Guapo as his AFL dimwits proudly looking on.
Lucky Day (Malthouse) to Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) muttering to each other: “Uh this is real. They are going to…KILL us.”
“Oh Great! Real bullets!” Panicked Ned Nederlander (Roos).
“You’re in a lot of trouble Mister!” Stepped out Lucky Day (Malthouse) unwisely facing the enemy.
“Can I have your watch when you’re dead?” Ridiculed Geek (Peeks).
“You dirt eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat” Yelled Dusty Bottoms (Buckley), Ned Nederlander (Roos) hiding behind his two Amigos, trembling.
Dill (Dillon) already ferocious, McMoron (McLachlan) and Geek (Peeks) aiming ready to shoot all Three Amigos. El Guapo (Demetriou) is lethal, steps forward: “And you called us scum-sucking pigs…US!”
Lucky Day (Malthouse) to El Guapo (Demetriou): “Not so fast Mister! Or I’ll pump you so full of lead you’ll be using your nose for a pencil!”
El Guapo: “What do you mean?”
Lucky Day “I don’t know.”
McMoron (McLachlan): “He means that if you…
El Guapo: SHUT UP!”
McMoron (McLachlan) innocently enquiries to El Guapo (Demetriou): “Could it be that once again you are angry for something else and you’re taking it out on me.”
Unexpectedly a total war erupts with El Guapo and McMoron over as to who will finally kill The Three Amigos.
El Guapo (Demetriou) McMoron (McLaughlan) Geek (Peeks) and Dill (Dillon) are all brandishing their guns threatening to shoot one another.
Shell shocked by this unexpected outcome, The Three Amigos ceased the perfect opportunity, carefully and with caution to sneak out.
Driving away in El Guapo’s (Demetriou) 2014 Chevrolet Corvette into the sunset.
The Three Amigos “Blue Shadows on the Trail”