Monthly Archives: August 2014

Bad Footy Cards – Episode 11

David Parkin – Hawthorn


David Parkin wearing shorts way smaller & tighter than Capper ever had. A worthy edition to the Bad Footy cards list.

Tipsmaster’s note: the shorts also look like they could be denim material – a sure symptom of a high pitched squeaky voice…

Lovingly sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster and WEE & POO HAWTHORN supporter Andrew McSwain of team FARMER.


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Poor ol’ Footscray attempt to spark the ‘Battle of the Bridges’


This is a banner from the Poor ol’ Footscray Cheer Squad,

Surely they are not serious!

Is this meant to be inspiration or a very lame attempt at finding something Poor ol’ Footscray are better at than Sydney?

In their bid to finally win something Poor ol’ Footscray think winning the longest and tallest bridge contest actually means something.

At least Sydney’s bridge didn’t fall down…!

Lovingly sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster PEAR.


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Bad Footy Cards – Episode 10

Dennis Scanlon – Essendon.


Scanlon just doesn’t look the same without Trevor Barker standing on his head, taking that spekkie.

(As seen 6.30 every Saturday night on the intro for Seven’s Big League Footy Replay)

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Follow the Yellow Brick Road all the way to AFL House…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV have us following the Yellow Brick Road to see the Wizard of AFL House in this round 22 episode.


Skipping along the yellow brick road towards Docklands City, Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan and his cherished pooch Toto meets and befriends the Scarecrow – Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson who wants a brain. Tin Woodsman – Jimbo “The Fugitive” Hird who desires a heart, and the Cowardly Lion – Mick “The Wise One” Malthouse who is in desperate need of courage,
They decide to join Gillon to ask the Wizard – Ziggy “Stardust” Switkowski at ASADA Headquarters for a brain, heart, and courage respectively. Though in truth they have what they want, the Scarecrow shows signs of wisdom for his sunken Saints, the Tin man is a little remorseful if not sentimental with his impending return to his beloved Bomber land and the Lion shows signs of bravery for his embattled bruised and depleted Blues.
After some danger, they eventually meet the Wizard – Ziggy (in the form of a flaming head) who agrees to grant their wishes, but not until in return they bring him the greedy wicked Warlock – Andrew “Gaddafi” Demetriou of West Docklands along with his new contract as the appointed new board member with the “Bastion Group” and his Maserati super charge 24-carat solid gold broomstick.
Making their way to the wicked Warlock’s castle, the Warlock’s flying monkeys ambush the four and capture Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan. Inside the castle, the evil and wicked Warlock – Andrew fails yet again to grab the master keys to the entrance of AFL Headquarters due to a spell on the keys.
Any attempt for the wicked Warlock to even so much touch the master keys, upon his contact with the keys the keys will transform in to burning, scorching hot metal.
Trapped and held captive against their will, the evil and wicked Wizard and his flying chimps taunts them, trying to extract any possible means for the possession of the keys and a re-entry to his once beloved kingdom – AFL Headquarters.


Seeing the ghostly portrait of Ken “Kinky” Hinkley inside the Castle, the Cowardly Lion – Mick shudders: “I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do, I do believe in spooks, I do believe in spooks, I do, I do, I do I do!”
Wicked Warlock of the West – Demetriou sniggers: “ Ah! You’ll believe in more than that when I’m finished with you.” Clapping his hands once into the air disappearing in a thick cloud of red smoke.


The Wizard – Ziggy reverberates to the Cowardly Lion – Mick: “ You, my friend, are a victim of disorganized thinking, just like your Blue boys this year. You are under the unfortunate impression that just because you run away you have no courage, you’re confusing courage with wisdom.”
“Take a leaf out of Brad (Not So Beam Me Up Scotty) Scott’s coaching tips, make use of the endurance and grit, his diligence and exceptional valor has pulled his team through.”
Gillon: “The Wizard – Ziggy is right you know, we need to be ready for that wicked Warlock of the West – Demetriou. Now which way do we go?”
“Pardon me Gillon” Interrupted the Scarecrow – Alan tugging at his arm: “This way is a very nice way.” Struggling to stay upright on his straw legs.


The Wizard – Ziggy “Stardust” Switkowski annoyed by the mere presence of Tin Woodsman – Jimbo pleading for a change of heart affirms with conviction in a booming voice: “You DARE to come to me for a heart, do you? You clinking, clanking, clattering collection of caliginous junk!”

GWS (God! What Slobs)

Cowardly Lion – Mick tried with all his might to growl only ending up with a meow, declaring to the others: “Alright, Gillon, I’ll go in there wicked Warlock or no wicked Warlock, guards or no guards, I’ll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I’m going in there. There’s only one thing I want you fellas to do?”
“What’s that?” Question the Scarecrow – Alan.
“Talk me out of it!” The Cowardly Lion hiding behind the Tin Man – Jimbo.
Annoyed insensitively the Tin Man – Jimbo joked: “Should have talked your way back to the pies, who’s sorry now eh?”
“Shut it! Or I’ll turn you into scrap metal Tin man.” Gillon yelled restoring the Lion’s composure.

West Coast

Cowardly Lion – Mick was still mad with the Tin man – Jimbo from his invective insult.
“Put ‘em up, put ‘em up! Which one of you first? I’ll fight you both together if I want. I’ll fight you with one paw tied behind my back. I’ll fight you standing on one foot. I’ll fight you with my eyes closed. Why I’ll…Ruff!”
“Pity Paul (Lose) Roos and his Demons can’t seem to use the same exchange when they’re on the football field.” Sighed Gillon.


“Back where Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott and his Cats come from, all they do all day is…umm…hmmm…ummm…nothing! Wished I had the brain to do that and still keep winning games.” Confessed Scarecrow – Alan tucking the straws in to his trousers.


“If you were King, you wouldn’t be afraid of anything?” Queried Gillon.
Lion – Mick: Not Ross (Rampaging) Lyon. Not nobody! Not no how!”
Scarecrow – Alan: “Not even a rhinoceros?”
Lion – Mick: “Imposerous!”
Tin man – Jimbo: “How about a hippopotamus?”
Lion – Mick: “Why, Id thrash him top to bottomus!”
Gillon: Supposing you met an elephant?”
Lion – Mick: “I’d wrap him up in cellophane!”
Scarecrow – Alan: “What if it were a brontosaurus?”
Lion – Mick: “I’ll show that Warlock who is King of the forest!”


The wicked Warlock of the West – Demetriou laughed hysterically belittling them, including Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan. Discussing Shitney’s sterling game plan, complementing John (Here’s Johnny!) Longmire coaching performance throughout this season, not to mention brutally discrediting Gillon’s position as the Chief of AFL, the wicked Warlock of the West let loose a tirade of insults.
“Helping your little traitor – Gillon along are you, my fine gentleman? Well stay away from him or I’ll stuff a mattress out of you scarecrow! And you Tin man, I’ll make you into a beehive. Here Lion want to play ball? How about a little fire Scarecrow?”
Toto, Gillon’s treasured pooch bit the Warlock’s – Demetriou left ankle, then quickly ran for cover before his flying Monkeys could snatch Toto.

St Kilda

Admittedly Scarecrow – Alan confesses to his friends: “I haven’t a brain…only straw.”
Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan was understandably confused quizzed: “How can you talk if you haven’t got a brain?”
Shrugging his shoulders the Scarecrow accepts: “ I don’t know…but some people without brains do an awful lot of talking…”
The Cowardly lion – Mick tries to growl instead he ends up sneezing in to the face of the Scarecrow -Alan as he stumbled with his straw legs walking brushing the straws off his hat.

Flying on his 24-carat super charge Maserati broomstick, the wicked Warlock of the West Docklands – Demetriou singing, his voice echoing around the castle: “Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of spears. Thought you morons were clever didn’t you? Well! The last to go will see the first three go before Gillon! And your mangy little dog too!”
The wicked Warlock – Demetriou approached the four men threatening and demanding for the master keys to AFL Headquarters are handed over, still waving his new contract in the air cackling.
Gillon grabbed a bucket of water dousing the Wizard – Demetriou causing him to melt.
Gillon grabbed his broomstick and his contract with the Bastion Group, grabbed the Lion – Mick, the Scarecrow – Alan and the Tin man – Jimbo along with his adored pooch Toto all singing in unison: “We’re off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz”.

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I was interested to hear that a ‘Bews’ has been selected for Geelong this round.

Do you think he will go by the nickname of ‘Selfa Bews’ like his old man (lovingly nick-named by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster PEAR) or maybe since he was recruited under the father/son rule he may prefer to go by the nickname of ‘Child-a…’


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Bad Footy Cards – Episode 9

Reg Gleeson – South Melbourne


BAD FOOTY CARDS – episode 9


Reg Gleeson played 128 games for South Melbourne, kicking 11 goals. Gleeson however had a secret passion. He always had a fascination for the fascist regimes of the 1940’s and he used to attend footy training to practice his goose step marching, as is seen here captured in the 9th episode of ‘Bad Footy Cards’.

After retiring from Footy, Gleeson became a John Cleese impersonator.

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Bad Footy Cards Episode 8

Michael Turner / Witchypoo – Separated at Birth

turner2Michael Turner


Both gave me childhood nightmares.

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