Monthly Archives: September 2014

Bad Footy Cards – Episode 12

Geoff Southby – Carlton


I don’t care how hard he tries, or how long he waits…Green jeans will never be in fashion.

Blue and Green should never be seen…


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The Final Countdown

The Final Countdown…Giro Numero Ventitre… CALM

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV have enlightened us with their tips for 23 rounds now and here we are…THE FINAL COUNTDOWN:

What a clamorous, disorderly, fierce, lawless, nutty, rowdy, turbulent, unpredictable, unforgettable wild season of AFL 2014 thus far.
There have been tears, tantrums, shocking defeats, outrageous results worse still unexpected victories from one particular team who has completely buggered up all our tips this year…
Yeah we wonder who?…
For some the end is nigh and sadly for the others the end is now!
From here on, the final preparation for the finals has unquestionably arrived.
Beginning into the launching procedure to the gateway of the finals and that Holy Grail of AFL football – The 2014 Premiership AFL Cup.
The proof is in the analysis and the ability to see which team has what it takes and who truly deserves the entitlement and privilege in entering the heavenly gates of the MCG on grand final day in September.

Remember punters keep calm it’s the final countdown!


Injury plagued Magpies are no longing standing side by side and sticking together, frankly peoples the Pies have become virtually unstuck!
They have limited options to choose to replace and have to make do with the leftovers.
Grim news for the Pies along with their Pie Army. Great news for the Hawks. This match will no doubt be a colossal defeat for Nathan “Braggadocio” Bucks and his consumed, drained and weakened team.
Seizing the opportunity during a pre-match press conference, Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson could not resist this piece of wisdom to an already deflated Buck:
“Do not be afraid of our fate. It cannot be taken away from us; it is a gift.”


Mick “The Wise One” Malthouse was in one of his typical moods; uncommunicative, unresponsive, distant and fed up with his battered Blue boys.
Given the actual statistical fact of a horror season, not too mention for the first very time not facing final contention in his football-coaching career. Mick had no choice but to swallow bitterest the pill throughout the entire season, having a lengthy injury list, the Blues have hit the wall big time.
A match we’re sure he would much rather forget.
Interrupting the Blues bonding session inside the change rooms of the MCG, Mark “Bomber” Thompson munching on a salad roll with his mouth full, Mark philosophically confesses: “Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor; giving you that one thing you always wanted so badly at the worst time possible.”

Port Adelaide

No doubt the Dockers will be sweating it out on the fitness level for this top-four blockbuster spot on the almighty AFL ladder.
After last week horriblus match result that some us mere mortals would never ever want to be repeated again, who knows which way the wheels will turn.
“I will be no longer your role model. I will be be your role villain if you boys don’t win this game!” Threatened Kenneth “Kinky” Hinkley to his fellas as they nervously walked on Paterson’s Stadium.


Having rest Buddy “The Sheikh” Franklin ahead of the qualifying finals, John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire was not too bothered about this game; he can already smell championship victory.
Surely this is definitely a win win encounter…right?…
“I never expect to lose, even when I’m the underdog, I still prepare a victory speech.”
Longmire gloated to his Swans, laughing at the Tigers as they were all sprinting around the ANZ stadium.


The Demons have lost nine in a row and Paul “Lose” Roos will soon have to make some tough calls on his list. The burning question is whether this match is the last chance for Paul to cast his eyes over this endangered species.
“Sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win a war.” Encouraged Paul to his punctured Dees.
“Well said Mate!” Brad “Not So Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott agreed putting his arm around Paul’s shoulder.


What a stellar year it has been for Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” and his cool Cats, this will only be a training exercise for this mob a warm up before the big games. It will be interesting to see whether Justin “Lipstick” Leppitsch survives another day in paradise.
Muttering to himself, Justin could only come up with this sorry explanation: “If your losing your soul and you know it, then you’ve still got a soul left to lose.” Clearly Leppitsch has already lost the plot!

West Coast

Minus Gary “Gazza the Dazzler” Ablett since mid season, the Gold Coast Bums will need more than a home stadium – Metricon “Intergalactic Stadium Of Planet Has Beens”, because in truth, that pretty much sums up as to what has happened to their skipper.
“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month!” Guy “Macca” McKenna furiously told his Bums by their rapid season decline after a promising start.
“So what are you waiting for?” Laughed Adam “Go West!” Simpson hysterically.


“Oh! When the Saints, go crashing in.”
“Oh! When the Saints go stumbling in.”
“Oh how I regret to have coached with St. Kilda.”
“When the Saints have done me in.”
Poor Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson sung the club song out loud at the cellar door grabbing his fifth bottle of Penfolds at “Penfolds Magill Estate” Winery, abandoning his sunken Saints during their routine training.

Western Bulldogs

Dumber and dumber, with these two tribes, one week they lose and the next they lose, is it any wonder you can call this match a contest?…Nah!
In short our theory is this: If at first you don’t succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.”

So the final countdown is ticking, at this rate the seconds seems like minutes and the minutes seems like hours for some, for most of the others the finals cannot come soon enough.
Bring it on!

Here’s an anthem to get us all singing, grab your air guitars as we all unite as one as
The final series of AFL 2014 qualifying finals begins to kick off.

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