Monthly Archives: September 2015

Am I ever going to see your face again?

Finals time is here and Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are wondering if we will ever see these faces again…

No way get …… …. off.

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE; You’ve gotta love The Angels!

footy

AFL season 2015 brought us fanatical punters another capricious, fickle, impulsive, quirky, unstable if not a volatile season of AFL season 2015.
What a year it has been, talk about a mass exodus!
If it isn’t the players themselves calling it a day due to their ongoing injuries, poor on field performances or their temper tantrums, unwillingly it was also the senior coaches and the forces of nature from the senior board members within their clubs propositioning and scheming a strategy system to benefit their own egos, reputation leaving us mere mortals shouting: “About bloody time!” or scratch our heads in disbelief muttering the words: “What the?”
These sudden departures came from the left, right and centre, it certainly did not discriminate.
The unexpected became the expected, what seemed to be an absolute impossibility eventually became a possibility. No one was immune.
The survivors at the tribal council all congregated at AFL headquarters, commissioned to petition their cases, affirm and justify any wrong doings, ultimately to have their professional sporting torches snuffed out.
Some of these retirees most likely are venturing in to permanent seclusion, maybe a career in umpiring, sports commentary, how about reality television? Why not try something like “Dancing With The Stars” or “I’m A (Dud) Celebrity – Get Me Out Of Here.”
Are we ever gonna see their faces again?
Who knows?
What we do know is don’t be at all surprised if some of this lot will resurface back into the sporting limelight before too long.

Richmond

Damien “Hardly” Hardwick and his cubs, the joke is not funny anymore. These mobs are serious finals contenders. Remember this gem not so long ago when Hardwick fumed at the no goal call? “We’ve got this review system, haven’t we? Fair Dinkum.”
Retirement plan – Goal Umpire.
Are we gonna see his face again? For a very long time, quite frankly.

Adelaide

James Kelly, Matthew Stokes and Steve Johnson have already bid their farewells to their beloved Cats on Saturday. As for the Crows, they have gone from strength to strength.
Still Crowing peoples. Scott “Blueseum Camporeale is an old scholar at St. Michael College, Adelaide.
Retirement Plan – University Lecturer in Sport Psychology.
Are we gonna see his face again? What do you reckon?

Western Bulldogs

No more poor ol’ Footscray. Luke “No Longer Fluked!” Bevridge has transformed these Doggies into a competitive club. Why on earth would any player want to leave now?
On May of this year, Luke poignantly stated about the players current form: “We have to continue on in our journey with the way we want to play.”
Retirement Plan – Spiritual Leader.
Are we gonna see his face again? Without a doubt.

Fremantle

What is to say about Ross “Rampaging” Lyon and his compelling and dominant Dockers?
His supernatural powers in his coaching abilities leaves the entire clubs gob smacked.
Ross was recently quoted in August of this year the following: “ We are under no illusion as to the road ahead of us.”
Retirement Plan – The Magician.
Are we gonna see his face again? Definitely.

Hawthorn

Alistair “Angry” Little Man” Clarkson has once again forged his Hawks to the finals series, another Grand Final? Brownlow Medal? One of the two is most probably likely to happen.
On Clarkson punching the MCG Coaches’ wall, Clarkson made no bones about how he felt: “Let that be a lesson to the rest of you walls.”
Retirement Plan – A Boxer.
Are we gonna see his face again? Who is going to risk a permanent injury and tell Clarky to bugga off?

Shitney

The Swans will also bid arriverdeci to Rhyce “Legendary” Shaw this season as well.
John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire is debating politically to the sporting media the pros and cons in trying to win their votes as to why Shitney should win the cup this year. Egotistically bragging: “ You never get to a point where you are satisfied with any part of our game.”
Retirement Plan – Politician.
Are we gonna see his face again? He just doesn’t want to seem to go away.

West Coast Eagles

Adam “Go West! Simpson can take the fight of the Eagles all the way, his honesty is humbling: “ Reality is really important for me with this group, and I’ve been really consistent with the message with the players.”
Retirement Plan – Motivational Speaker.
Are we gonna see his face again? Why not?

GWS (Yup! Still Slobs)

Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron and them have played 50/50 footy and gave us all a bit of a scare earlier in the year, still investigating what the fact as to what went wrong. The Midas touch was short lived, everything GWS then touched turned into rust. Leon quoted in June of this year about his boys and the game confessing:
“I’m confident we can bounce back, but every game is a tough one”.
Retirement Plan – Private Detective.
Are we gonna see his face again? Most likely, Leon is still looking for clues.
Collingmaguirevomitshitwood

Not the year that Nathan “Braggadocio” Buckley and his Shitwoods have envisioned.
Who would have thought of this lot dropping out of the eighth spot was going to happen?
Not the Pies that’s for sure. Bucks had to concede with the following trash: “ We will just dust ourselves off and try to win as many games as we can see where it gets us.”
Retirement Plan – Garbologist.
Are we gonna see his face again? Looks like it.
Here is a little gem to sum up the year in AFL season 2015.
This will keep us singing this anthemic tune until the beginning of season 2016.

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The Celebrity next doo (I Love Lucy)…Giro Numero Ventidue…(Round 22)…

lucy

Caroline (Caro) Wilson – “Lucy Riccardo” and her life long best friend from her University days stretching back to 1979 when they were both studying Journalism at RMIT, Corrie (Coro) Perkin – “Ethel Mae Mertz” discover that they have a new next-door neighbour who has just moved in.
It’s none other than the rich and famous Carlton board member Jeanie (Gene Genie) Pratt – “Tallulah Bankhead”, a prolific charitable astute businesswoman, renown for her artful if not crafty business dealings as well as having a razor sharp tongue rendering people speechless or worse in tears.
Upstairs in the bedroom, Lucy is preoccupied spying through the bedroom window with a pair of binocular lens. Her husband channel seven news journalist Brendan (The Hubby) Donohoe – “Ricky Riccardo” was wondering as to what she was actually doing.
Calling out to Lucy, Ricky hollers: “Lucy are you spying out of the window where the new neighbours have moved in?”
Lucy: “Certainly not!”
Ricky: Lucy? Are you sure you’re not spying out of the window on the new neighbours?”
Lucy: “No I’m Not!”
Ricky: “Well come on down!”
Lucy: “Oh alright for heaven’s sake!”
Lucy comes down the stairs with a pair of binoculars around her neck.
Ricky questioning Lucy: “What were you doing then? Going to the races?”
Ricky shows Lucy the binoculars she apparently forgot, was still around her neck.
Lucy stammers unconvincingly: “I…I…I was bird watching.”
Ethel comes charging through the front door. Lucy and Ethel continue to look through the living room window with their binoculars criticizing the new neigbours’ car parked opposite the driveway.
Fail to hear the doorbell, Lucy’s husband Ricky goes to answer the front door.
Puffing on a cigarette, Tallulah Bankhead walks on through overhearing Lucille and Ethel scorching with distaste and disapproval about the new neighbour’s car, her furniture and calling her a cheap lady junk dealer who’s pretending to be filthy rich.
After a misunderstanding between Tallulah, Lucy and Ethel profusely apologize to Ms. Bankhead.
Lucy tries to make amends by inviting Tallulah over for dinner the following evening.
Suddenly, Lucy – Caroline realizes this means she has a chance at getting Tallulah Bankhead Jenie – to appear at the local PTA – Players Trainers Association benefit dinner.
No expenses spared, a sumptuous feast, silver service, to impress Tallulah even further, Lucy cons Ethel and her wayward business colleague Cameron (Camo) Stewart – “Fred Mertz” into posing as her hired help – the Maid and the Butler for the evening.
Geelong

Dressed in a traditional maid’s uniform, serving the main course, roast chicken Ethel was star struck at just seeing let alone serving Tallulah Bankhead. Not sure what do with the silver tray of food, Ethel was undecided where to place the tray of food to the right or to the left of Ms. Bankhead. Suddenly Ethel placed the tray over Tallulah’s head directly in front, startling her.
Lucy was mortified as Tallulah hand picked her roast chicken with her bare hands as the silver tray was too wide in length to use the accompanied cutlery to pick up the chicken pieces.
With Ethel’s strong journalistic and sporting background, she wanted Ms. Bankhead’s opinion about the up coming match between Geelong and the Shitwoods playing at the MCG.
Rolling her eyes, Lucy cut Ethel short: “Ethel Mae will you please stop boring Ms. Bankhead.”
Tallulah slowly looking at Lucy, snapped: “When Ms. Bankhead is bored, Ms. Bankhead will let you know.”

GWS (Yup! Still Slobs)

Fred – the butler walks out of the kitchen with bread rolls, trembling at the sight of Ms. Bankhead, bumping into the maid – Ethel, the butler drops all the bread rolls on to the floor.
Picking up the bread rolls, blowing the dirt, wiping the bread rolls on his jacket. Fred places the bread rolls back in the breadbasket, offering it to the guests, beginning with Tallulah.
Unequivocally, Tallulah stating the obvious: “Noooooo!!”
“They’re not very dirty”. GWS players are dirtier than these bread rolls.” Grumbled Fred.
Lucy rudely motioned the butler – Fred to leave immediately sending him back into the kitchen.

Hawthorn

Ricky: “Ms. Bankhead…I mean…Tallulah, we would like to show you around town, we have some beautiful little shops.
Tallulah: “Thank you darling. I am looking for a shop, what do you call it? Oh yes!
A hardware store. I need a paint spray so I can spray my kitchen chairs. I thought it would be rather fun if I can do them myself.”
Lucy: “ We have a beautiful hardware store, Bunning’s situated in 230 Burwood Road, Hawthorn, just down the road.”
Ricky: No! Use our paint spray; don’t be silly in getting one. Use ours, it’s no trouble.”
Lucy: “Honestly what could happen?”

Western Bulldogs

Ethel: “Mashed potatoes Ms. Bankhead?”
Tallulah: “No thank you darling. Unfortunately I’m on a very strict diet.”
Ethel gradually walks away from the table, Tallulah grabs Ethel Mae’s forearm, stopping her in her track. Adding: “But! Life is short! We only pass this way once, why not live a little?”
Ethel places the plate of mashed potatoes on the table and applauds Ms. Bankhead at her impassioned speech.
Ethel: “You just sounded just like Luke “No Longer Fluked!” Bevridge, with his beloved Bulldogs, before a game is played, Luke assures his Doggies that he believes and trusts their capabilities every time they’re on the field.”
Lucy was unimpressed if not envious of the attention Ethel was receiving, once again, Lucy interrupts the maid, humiliating her: “Ethel Mae will you please pass over the mash potatoes, we would like to get on with our dinner.”
Ethel Mae slams the plate of mashed potatoes hard on the table in front of Lucy, humiliating her in return.
Richmond

Lucy: “You just have to forgive Fred and Ethel. As a child my family lived in Richmond, Ethel and Fred were in our family for quite a long time. It’s what you call family retainers. I feel sorry for them; they’re so old. As a matter of fact when I was a little girl, Ethel Mae was my nanny.”
Ricky nervously looks on, loosening his tie, wiping the sweat from his brow with his napkin, scanning the kitchen door, fearing that a tornado by the name of Ethel and Fred was about to burst through. In the kitchen Fred and Ethel heard everything. Lucy presses the buzzer for assistance.
Ethel grunted: “You rang ma’am?”
Lucy: Ethel Mae you seem to have forgotten the gravy for the mashed potatoes.”
Ethel: “Well I’m sorry ma’am but you know how forgetful us old nanny’s are?”
Lucy twisting her nose, emphasizing every vowel with the following: “That will be all Ethel Mae!”
Ethel: “You bet your sweet life it will be!” Storming back into the kitchen.

Port Adelaide

Ethel only just touched the sliding door, unexpectedly the butler – Fred was directly behind the kitchen door, wearing the “plat de resistance” – the strawberry pie.
“Oh! My beautiful strawberry pie!” Lucy cried.
Ethel screaming to Fred: “Why do you have to be so clumsy.”
“I’m not the one that’s shooting through the field like the bloody Dockers.” Yelled Fred.
In an instant, the dinner gathering abruptly ended.

West Coast Eagles

The next morning, Tallulah’s new hired butler – Menzies from the West Coast stopped by at the Riccardo’s home to borrow their paint spray.
“My name is Menzies, the new butler. Ms. Bankhead said that you have a paint spray we may borrow.”
Menzies took the paint spray and gave it a test run, discovering the nozzle was blocked, uncontrollably spraying Ms. Bankhead’s red Ferrari parked in the garage in white squiggly lines and poker dots.

Shitney

Hearing the butler – Menzies wailing uncontrollably in despair, Lucy and Ricky rushed over to see if anything was the matter.
“Tallulah’s car would be a perfect mascot for the Swans, stop your complaining, I thought it was much worse.” Lucy sighed with relief. The butler shot daggers at Lucy, knowing this will certainly have him fired.

Fremantle

Ricky: “Lucy did you clean the paint spray, after all you were the last one who used it.”
Lucy: “Give it to me, honestly you two are so hopeless. This model is from Fremantle; apparently it’s fool proof, no hassles, and a winner all the time. Let me see now.”
Removing a hair clip from her hair, toying with the nozzle, trying to unblock it.
“Now that ought to work, now let’s give it a try.” Lucy Confirmed.

Facing the garage door, Lucy accidentally sprayed Ms. Tallulah Bankhead with white paint all over her face, not realizing she was already standing by the entrance of the garage door.
Knowing Tallulah, a neighbourly cup of coffee should put things right.

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