Monthly Archives: April 2016

Washup 5…JACKSON!

A couple of roughies got up this week in the round 5 matches tipsters, but the serious DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters amongst us held their nerve and tipped very well. No ninester tipsters in round five but BUSTLING BASIL and POMMIE both tipped a very impressive 8.

Therefore, the JACKPOT for round 6 will be a whopping great $15.00

Don’t you love it when GWS win, tipsters. Just to hear their cracking good theme song. Fair dinkum tipsters it makes you want to throw on your Cossack’s hat, dive into a Vodka bottle, cross your arms and throw your legs out for the Cossack’s dance and put your favorite movie TARUS BUBLA on the Telly…Just great!

NEWSFLASH! COLLINGWOOD have BIG COX! Congratulations to the new MAGGOTS’ recruit from the USA. Yes folks Big Cox stood tall, grabbed the ball and slammed home a sausage roll with a stiff breeze up his clacker for his first kick in AFL footy. Well done Big Cox.

A six way split for top spot on our leader board this week. DOGGFATHER, OVERLORD, BUSTLING BASIL, GLEN CLARKE, HAWKERS and STEAMROLLER are all tied on 34 points with only the points margin separating them from DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP greatness.

UNCLE EV is in the all important 3rd last spot.

Summaries from ROUND 5:
Wee and Poo Hawthorn are blessed by the Umpies (although the free was there at the end, they are still blessed by the umpies)
The West Coast Wiggles are no good..but who cares?
The Chux Superwipes Kangaroos keep winning but I’m waiting for them to play a team of any note.
Poor ol’ Footscray are in great form and WILL win the flag this year…you mark my words…
PORT are no good…but who cares? POOFY CATS too good on this occassion.
GWS have a cracking great song…YEAH!
CARSLCUM winning does no good for NODNESSE’s plans of dodging the wooden spoon. We just have to hope Freo way to go hit ’em real hard with the ol’ heave ho keep losing.
N.P.R Richmond…what a joke…
COLLINGSHITMAGUIREWOOD fans took great pleasure in beating a team that would struggle against the Avondale Heights under 9’s You should have seen them carrying on… but they do have Big Cox…On the flipside of that match, Nodnesse are still going backwards.

What a busy week it has been in footy. Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV think so. Check out their views of week 5 only at


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A busy week in footy

Giro Numero Cinque…Round 5

This week’s contribution from Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV


What a busy week it has been, old school fashion melee, how we all loved that biff!!

Travis “Dope” Cloke dumped and sidelined for the big ANZAC day clash, instead Cloke will try and remember how to kick a football with his VFL counterparts. Yeah! Good luck with that one!

Ex Port Kane Cores viciously biting back regarding Port Adelaide chairman David “Kreepy” Kochie for going too far. Kochie voicing his comments on social media saying “Port are a disgrace!”

After nearly seven years as the “Master of the Football Universe” Eddie Collingmaguire is now living with fear, did he get it horribly wrong?

Big cheese – Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan is standing firm with the new AFL rule, “The Golden Point.” More like the goose that laid the golden egg, it is an unprofitable rule of action motivated by nothing but greed.

Mind you it is still only the fifth round, the season is still sprouting, sporting buds have yet to burst into their full bloom, eventually blossoming to their full sporting potential or even worse morphing into a carnivorous plant, trapping unsuspected football players with one of the plant fatal hinged hair trigger system, rendering the players ineffective and completely useless.

Indeed it has been a very active if not a troubling week in this round of football.

In short, is this mob too preoccupied in being self indulgent, failing to remember what their job really is?




“Angry people need hugs…or sharp objects.” Sniggered Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pkye to his Crows impressed with their forward line, hinting to his boys to not hold back with their forthcoming match.




Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson had his own insane theory barking to the stunned sporting media: “If I want all your opinions, I’ll read it in your entrails.”




During they’re regular training sessions, John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire in true form reminding his Swans that he doesn’t care how busy he is, he will always make time for what’s more important…Himself!



West Coast Eagles


“Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.” Adam “Go West!” Simpson emphasized to his men, uncertain of the outcome that lay ahead.


North Melbourne


“We have a flagrant disregard to safety.” Brad “Beam Me Back Scotty” Scott reassured president James “007” Bradshaw, determined that the Roos will not be beaten.


Gold Coast Bums


“You lot are a side effect to my medications!” Rodney “Rocket” Eade lamented to his Bums annoyed with their lethargic form.


Western Bulldogs


With all the current injuries, Luke “No Longer Fluked!” Beveridge’s positive attitude may not solve all the problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.


Brisbane Lions


The Lions roar has reduced to nothing but a squeak, Justin “Lipstick” Leppitsch face changed fifty different shades of red, moaning: “ We were looking good from afar…now we’re far from looking good.”




Restoring confidence to his Cats, Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott purred: “I welcome change as long as nothing is altered or different.”


Port Adelaide


More malicious emails have been circulating on a daily basis via the club’s administrators describing Ken “Kinky” Hinkley as a fat red faced man who is under terrible pressure. Power source and WIFI from the club headquarters has been mysteriously disconnected, conserving useful energy elsewhere.


GWS (Geez!…Which State?)


Inside Etihad Stadium change room, just before kick off, Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron snapped to his players: “I’m not sure what’s wrong…But it’s probably all your fault!”


St Kilda


“Please don’t ever stop to think and forget to start again!” Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson pleaded to his born again Saints.




Idealist Brendon “Thor” Bolton seems to have the answer bewildering president Mark “Mambo Italiano” Loguidice with this viewpoint: “Basic research is what I’m doing, when I don’t know what I’m doing.”




If the skies are clear this Sunday afternoon at Domain Stadium – Perth, you may be able to see the deficit move across the face of the moon just after 4:15pm. If you don’t, then we suggest you go to explain why it is not happening, and why Lyons’ is not taking any of the blame.




Demonically Paul “Winnable?“ Roos villainously revealed to his players: “I’m smiling. This should scare you.




It’s actually true folks. Damien “Hardly” Hardwick has written an autobiography called “Go the F…to Sleep!” and it begins: “Once upon a time there was a little boy who thought he was still be a football coach.”




New president and former finance minister Lindsay “Money’s Too Tight To Mention” Tanner made an unmitigated reminder to John “Should Have Known Better” Worsfold cautioning him with the following: “Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.”




Not one to be concerned about the club’s disastrous start to this season, surely this would have been a sporting media circus. Instead we had to listen to the club’s chief executive Gary “Squirt” Pert verbal diarrhoea about a swimmer’s melt down on a plane while refusing to talk about his own team’s melt down at the MCG.


Busy? Not according to these fellas, (see link below) just like some of these AFL administrators, club chief executives, presidents, coaches’ and players they are ridiculously over paid, over bearing, over rated and over estimated.


Sounds like Federal politics!


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Washup Fore…LOOKOUT!

New Season tipster STEVE BATE from team HAWKERS is our outright leader after 4 rounds of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP.
HAWKERS has hit the ground running in the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP with scores of 7,5,8,8 in the first four rounds.
I asked HAWKERS on Friday how his tips were going and he gave me a very confident reply on how his footy tipping prowess is panning out. In fact I reckon HAWKERS fancies his chances of winning this here competition. I must say, HAWKERS knows his footy, he barracks for the Wee & Poo Hawks (derr)…and he will take some beating come the end of the season.

Six tipsters are hot on his heels, DOGGFATHER, WHISPER, OVERLORD, GLEN CLARKE, STEAMROLLER & CAT ATTACK, all one behind our esteemed leader, all past winners or prominent tipsters and all with the competitive spirit that even PEAR would be proud of.

MANSKI is in the all important 3rd last place.

YOUR TIPSMASTER on the other hand is crap at footy tipping, I don’t look like improving, but at least I am one better than SYMO

How about those hypocrit supporters from IT’S A GRAND OLD FLAG IT’S AN OLD PIECE OF RAG MELBOURNE? It’s only a couple of weeks ago that they left the ‘G’ early in their droves after NODNESSE beat them but all of a sudden this week after their win over the MAGGOTS they haven’t shut up. All of a sudden everyone you meet is a DEES supporter. Don’t worry, ski season is near upon us…

No jackpot winner this week so we are all striving for $10 bucks for our ninester tipsters next round.

Congratulations are in order tipsters…For the first time EVER it is unanimous…


It only took 24 DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP seasons but finally you all behaved yourselves. Yes folks give yourselves a well deserved pat on the back for all following the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP‘s only rule. N.P.R. NEVER PICK RICHMOND
It paid dividends didn’t it. So maybe from now on you will ALL follow the N.P.R rules and pay heed to what your TIPSMASTER advises. A well deseved pat on the back and a few seconds of self adulation never did anyone any harm…now get back to work, you are all still naughty tipsters.

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Collingwood Gag.


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by | April 19, 2016 · 1:36 pm

Should I stay or should I go?


Giro Numero Quattro…(Round 4) from Our Italian Correspondents, BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV

After only four rounds there has already been quite a number of on field and off field dramas materializing in this erratic if not unpredictable AFL season 2016.

Numerous questions have been asked by so many of us and plenty more will still need to be answered…that is if the truth will ever be justified.

Investigations to these enquirers have no doubt had already surfaced in the very watchful eye of the media.

Is your team sinking?

You really dislike the people within your own club?

Is it beginning to affect your own physical health?

Ideas in designing your own club are constantly being ignored?

Skills are being questioned?

You no longer fit in?

Are you are a financial liability?


Only recently, certain club administrators got it wrong in placing their trust on a couple of senior AFL coaches’ in prematurely signing lengthy contracts convinced that these clubs were on a winning formula.

In addition a certain club incredible narcissistic attitude in foolishly making a hasty change regarding a particular player that is not named in the initial 25-man squad before an impending match resulting the AFL to authorize punishment for the late change.

What is really going on with some of these clubs, it really does beg this definitive if not crucial question.

Should this lot stay? or should they go?


We do somehow wonder what some of these coaches’ had to say about some of their sporting colleagues current form during this round of footy.


West Coast Eagles


“I am not afraid of an army of lions that is led by a sheep.” Adam (Go West!) Simpson declared to his fearsome Eagles just before kick off at their home turf – Domain Stadium.

Shrugging his shoulders, Damien “Hardly” Hardwick approached his already deflated toothless Tigers with this piece of uninspired rubbish unashamedly making more lame excuses with the following: “In decisions and losing may or may not be my problem.”




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott had no problems in announcing his team’s gallant spirit to the sporting media with this piéce dé resistance: “A team is where my boys can prove their courage entirely on their own. A gang is where a coward goes to hide.”

“Are you talking about me?” John “Should Have Known Better” Worsfold yelled, angrily thrusting his middle finger into the air unaware that he was being filmed live for the footy channel.



Struggling to balance on a couple of milk crates so his Hawks can actually see him, Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson egotistically dictates: “A team effort is a lot of people doing exactly what I say!”

Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson had no qualms in approaching that little tyrant with this observation: “A leader is a dealer in hope not in fear.” On that note, Alan kicked the two milk crates where Clarky was standing causing him to fall flat on to his face.


Gold Coast


Rodney “Rocket” Eade has a lifetime of experience about footy informing his Bums: “Football is an honest game. It’s true to life. It’s a game about sharing. Football is a team game. Pure and simple.”

“Bollocks!  Retorted Justin “Lipstick” Leppitsch. Adding: “I speak softly with my boys and carry a big stick!”




Adding some much needed stimulus to his Blues, Brendon “Thor” Bolton ambitious words of encouragement just before the game seemed promising: “Don’t find faults, find a remedy.”

Over hearing Bolton’s impassioned advice, Luke “No Longer Fluked!” Beveridge deviously instructed his Doggies to locate the antidote in the form of the Blues wonder kid, Patrick “Aero Boy” Cripps, instructing his Doggies’ to lock Cripps inside the male toilets at Etihad stadium in the hope of preventing him from playing.




Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke made sure that his Crows were not going to be threatened by Shitney or their star player Buddy “The Sheikh” Franklin accentuating to his boys: “One man can be a crucial ingredient on a team, but just remember this, one man cannot make a team.”

Wearing a red and white silk cravat, waving a full glass of wine in front of Don, the ego dropped a bombshell. John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire patronizes Pyke arrogantly claiming: “If you think your team can do a thing or think they can’t do a thing, you’re definitely right!”


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkely ridiculed Leon “King of Leon” Cameron coaching skills and his GWS game plan sniggering: “They are plagued with indecisions, they still can’t figure out what the rules of the game is”.

“You need help, you suffering from a severe case of myphobia!” Cameron shot back.




Paul “Winnable?” Roos couldn’t resist taunting a defeated if not deflated Nathan “Yikes!” Buckley even further with this beauty as Bucks stepped out from Paddocks café’ outside the MCG sipping a large latte’.

“What was that? Did you see that? God! There it goes again!” Roos was puzzled.

“What? I didn’t see anything!” Nathan grumbled ready to throw his hot latte’ directly into Paul’s face.

“Nah! Don’t worry, it was only your ego that just walked by.” Roos Snorted.


North Melbourne


“Easy victory boys, just continue submerging the Dockers”. Brad “Beam Me Back Scotty” Scott winked to his proficient Kangaroos, slapping this insult about Ross “Laid Back” Lyon and his sunken Dockers that they are now formally known as the Titanic 2.

Listening in, Ross could only walk away, he’s has enough on his mind already, if it’s not the Dockers losing faith in their leadership, it’s also been the butt of the AFL jokes.


How quickly a year changes, the top 8 of 2015 has now flipped into reverse. Scary!


These lads could not have said it better themselves about this weekend of football.


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Washup Number Free

Ten tipsters share the lead after 3 rounds of the 2016 edition of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP.


MANSKI sits in the all important 3rd last spot.

Dave Ryan from team 4THORN was our most superior tipster for the round, picking all 9 winners and running away with the $10bucks jackpot. I must admit, when he was entering his tips, 4THORN told me he picked OWEN THE SAINTS to beat the MAGGOTS and I called him an idiot under my breath…

What would I know? I picked Nodnesse…perhaps I will keep my mouth shut from now on…

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: For those new tipsters amongst us, NODNESSE is what we call ESSENDON when they are going backwards…

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Three Wise Monkeys – League Teams


Giro Numero Tre (ROUND 3)

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV have brought back some great memories of how AFL commentry used to be. What a classic show League Teams was…(I used to sneak out of bed to get up and watch it late at night when I was a kid…don’t tell my folks)

Long, long time ago, when footy used to be a clean and honest game, a traditional gathering for the entire family over the weekend, there were three wise men who knew the guidelines and the moral concept of the game inside and out.

None of this malarkey that we have to all endure every week!

Not only were these sporting legends brilliant in their own careers, well informed, but they also set a benchmark sitting around a desk on TV late every Thursday evenings announcing the team line-ups for the next round, dissecting the impending game with their typical larrikin quips from each teams as well as dissecting their playing form in their own unique mischievous way.

When these smart mouthed trios collided inside a television studio, usually after a sumptuous dinner, anything could and did happen.

Let’s revisit memory lane with these masterful sporting figures, beginning with Jack “Captain Blood” Dyer and his famous “Dyerisims”, Lou “Louie the Lips” Richards and his classic come backs and none other than Bob “Woofa” Davis the man in the middle, on a good night, this feisty high flyer would cut through the other two with his impulsive commentary.

Wearing their signature tuxedo suits, these three monkeys still have plenty of panache.




“Wise men speak because they have something to say; fools because they have to say something.” Lou “Louie the Lips” Richards barked, unimpressed with John “Should have Known Better” Worsfold reappointment back as a senior coach.

Dyer and Davis complements Lou on his deduction by cracking a tin of VB beer on live television, much to the horror of the channel 7 producers.




Bob “Woofa” Davis wasted no time in bruising poor Lou’s confidence with this one, smirking with the following: “On coaching, you pick your best players, you put them in their best positions and you let them go. Take a hike Bucks!”




“Listen! You big ugly oaf, your cubs have their noses to the grindstone, to take a crack with these Crows, Hardwick has to break one’s back or break some one else neck to even consider this one.” Spat out Richards to Davis and Dyer.

Calmly “Captain Blood” walked over to “Louie the Lips” and smacked him across the head, causing Lou to fall off his chair. “Woofa” understandably kept his distance and silence to avoid Dyer’s wrath.




“The goal posts are moving so fast, I can’t keep up with the play.” A stunned Dyer confessed to his comrades, convinced that this match would be an easy victory.


Gold Coast Bums


Banging his huge fists on the desk, thrusting an accusing finger towards the TV camera, startling poor Davis and Richards, Jack “Captain Blood” Dyer hollers: “That Ablett kid’s long arms reaches up like giant testicles, the Blues reproductive is gonna be counter productive fellas.”


West Coast Eagles


Davis was still mystified after all these years. “Are the Dockers going to ask for time and a half on Saturdays? Fair dinkum. Unbelievable!”

“Have the Eagles claimed time and a half as well?” Quizzed Richards.

“Anything goes, as long as you can get away with it.” Shrugged Dyer.


North Melbourne


“What do you reckon of this one fellas? Worth talking about? Or should we all knuckle down and try to make some curried fish balls?” examined Richards.

Unimpressed Davis snapped: “How many bloody balls in a fish do you need to make curried fish balls, let alone feed a crowd of over seventy thousand? Are you gonna eat them Louie?”

“Roos and his Demons nuts will be pan-fried if they don’t win this one! Pass me the flour!” Grinned Dyer.


Western Bulldogs


“The Bulldogs keeps getting where the ball aint.” Dyer confirmed.

“Problem is has their luck finally become unstuck?” Added Richards.

“Is their bark worse than their bite? That is the question my dear friends.” Concluded “Woofa” – The Wisest Monkey.




“I won’t say anything incase I say something.” Dyer was cautious about this one not wanting to upset Davis or even worse risking a flying fist straight in to his face.

“Justin Leppitch needs to catch a cab.” Davis laughed.

“Leppitsch is so skinny, he can take a bath in a fountain pen.” Richards roared hysterically.


Winking at the camera, Richards ended it with: “On that note, it is goodnight from me, goodnight from him and goodnight from that other one.”


The legendary exploits for the coming round have now concluded for this week, off to the channel 7 tearooms for some fried curried fish balls and quite a few stubbies of Victoria Bitters.





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