Monthly Archives: June 2016

AFL Hall of Shame

You are all familiar with the AFL HALL OF FAME?

Well, Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV have made their list of the AFL HALL OF SHAME


They are known as the heroes on the field, but why does trouble seem to follow these players after the siren.

These men put their bodies on the line every time they run out, what pushes these elite sportsmen to play competitive football likewise lures them to their downfall off the field as well.

This year hall of shame we chose a comprehensive list of sporting individuals who have made headlining contributions in the AFL based on their inability of the game, corruption, deceit, dishonor and disgrace.

Who will be inducted in our hall of shame for leaving us a memorable if not legendary status that has left a significant impact on the game of Australian Rules football with such a collision force that will be etched in our memories for a very long time?




David “Davo” Granger – has struggled off field for quite some time with his numerous court appearances. It was made known to the sporting media in December 2001 that he was involved in the possession of 17 kilograms of cannabis police have discovered in his own home. Subsequently Davo was imprisoned for four years and three months.

Commendable for our Hall of Shame?…We’re still deciding.




Jason “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Akermanis – is someone with a big mouth who doesn’t know when to keep his loathsome trap shut. Akermanis has been accused for insensitive and offensive remarks; including accusing an opponent player using performance-enhancing drugs in 2007.

Should Aker win?…He still won’t shut up!




Brendan “Casino Royale” Fevola – Fev was so talented on the field but incredibly audacious off it. He was accused of spraying a woman in the face with a fire extinguisher, kicked out of the Crown Casino complex with a black eye in March 2004, sent home from Australia’s tour of Ireland assaulting a barman in Galway, was censored for a drunken rampage at the 2008 Brownlow Medal. Oh and let’s not forget a nude photo with bikini model Lara “Dingbat” Bingle.

Finally, in 2013 Fev declares himself bankrupt.

Worthy winner?…Read on.




Eddie “Bonehead” Maguire for his recent “playful banter” on Monday the 13th of June 2016 about drowning AFL journalist Caroline “Caro” Wilson during a charity event – The Big Freeze into an ice bath at the MCG and paying even more money if she stayed under ironically during white ribbon week that was launched preventing domestic violence against women.

This chauvinistic pig should not be inducted for anything, he belongs in the sewer.



Jimbo “The Vanishing Man” Hird – since April 2013, the damage this swine has caused with the supplements saga to the Bombers is totally and utterly unforgivable. As a senior coach he let the club down, the players as well as their extended families including their very dedicated supporters. It will take some time for the wounds to heal. Jimbo’s fall from grace is well and truly deserved.

Is Jimbo the title-holder?…




Chris “Tyrant” Tarrant – The Magpie turned Docker was accused of baring his backside at a woman and punching then AFL coach at the Northern Territory Institute of Sport Damian Hale after Hale confronted Tarrant about his behavior at a Darwin night club in June 2007.

Fremantle referred the matter to the AFL which fined Tarrant $5000 and imposed a three month match ban.

Tarrant was also involved in a brawl outside a Port Melbourne nightclub with a Collingmaguire teammate in July 2008.

Is it him?…A bit iffy at this stage.




Gary “God” Ablett Senior – A “God” on the field, off the field Ablett has battled his fair share of Demons as well. In 1980’s he already had convictions for assault and burglary, pleaded guilty in assaulting a pizza deliveryman. In February 2000, a 20 year old tragically died in her idol Ablett’s company in a Melbourne hotel room after consuming a lethal cocktail of drugs. Ablett Senior was later fined $1500 for using and possessing heroin and ecstasy.

Keep reading…


Gold Coast Bums


Campbell “Bangkok Hilton” Brown – and his mate were detained after allegedly getting involved in a fight with a Thai policeman during an off-season trip in September 2011.

Luckily the players were released without charge.

Idiot file. Does not qualify!


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


Kevin “Reviewing His Situation” Sheedy – He really isn’t shameful in the aspect of coaching, his credentials are quite impressive as a senior coach with the Essendon football club.

Sheedy’s shame file is taking on as senior coach for Greater Western Shitney when he should have retired instead.

We will disqualify Sheedy. He does not meet our criteria.




Dermot “Goldilocks” Brereton – For ten years he has been playing with the Hawks, then he defected to Shitney in 1994. As we are still trying to come to terms with the sudden departure to an interstate team, to our horror, he breaks faith and ends up playing for Collingmaguirewood before hanging up his boots for good.

Unforgivable! Brereton is on definitely on our shame file list.




Gary “The Wolf” Lyon – Never ever ever betray your best friend. Lyon’s public fall was humiliating, sad, sudden and swift. The media had a field day, as this once much loved legendary football captain and a very respectful sports and TV commentator did the unthinkable. If only he could turn back time.

Sorry Gazza you’re name is on our list as well.









North Melbourne


Wayne “Miami Vice” Carey – Who could ever forget that mug shot of Carey in Miami. He was arrested in the US after breaking a wine glass in girlfriend’s Kate Neilson’s face.

The king of AFL proved to be a dirty rascal when his affair with his best mate Anthony “Stevie” Stevens’ wife Kell was revealed. Carey was also charged with assault in 1996 for grabbing a woman’s breast. In 2008 Carey was subdued with capsicum spray by police responding to a domestic violence report in Port Melbourne.

Shame file? We’re still undecided.


Port Adelaide


David “Kochie” Koch – The less said about this smarmy chairman the better.

Without a doubt a strong contender for the Hall Of Shame, he is incredibly aggravating moreover unsupportive towards his club.

Should he win?…




Daniel “Drongo” Connors was infamously punched by then Richmond teammate Ben Cousins in April 2010 and landed an eight-week suspension, then a 12-week ban in October 2011 due to further behavioural issues. The last straw came in July 2012 for sleeping through a training session.

Lost cause. Could he be the winner?




Barry “Big Bad Bazza” Hall in an incident which shocked Sydney and West Coast Eagles fans alike was slapped with a seven week suspension by the AFL Tribunal for his sickening on-field king hit on then West Coast Eagles Brent Staker in Round 4 April 2008.

Bonkers maybe the winner…


St Kilda


Lazar “Law And Order” Vidovic – Former St Kilda ruck man was suffering post football blues when he forged a magistrate’s signature in 2004.

What idiot would even attempt to do something so incredibly stupid and defy the law?

Not sure about this one, he’s probably forged his name on the Hall of Shame certificate.


West Coast Eagles


Ben “Dope Opiate” Cousins – Brilliant on field a complete nutter by his off-field indiscretions. A fight with his teammate in a Perth nightclub in 2002 and ends up breaking his arm after being pushed down the stairs. Embroiled in a Police investigation into a Perth shooting in 2005, revealing gangland connections; fled a booze bus in Perth in February 2008 and was arrested for being drunk outside Crown Casino in December 2008.

Cousins was suspended for 12 months by the AFL for bringing the game into disrepute, March 2015, Cousins broke into a high security SAS facility, involved in two separate low-speed car pursuits, one with a foot chase through suburban streets and onto rooftops.

To this day, Cousins continues to struggle with a debilitating drug addiction.

Such is life branded on his abdomen.

And the tosser is….


Western Bulldogs


Adam “Rush Hour” Cooney and his Doggies’ caused havoc in Hong Kong’s nightclub district during an end of season trip in 2010. Colourfully dressed players stopped cars in the street, with Adam “Jackie Chan” Cooney opening one of the car’s doors to prevent it from continuing on.

Who will be inducted in our Hall Of Shame?


The winner for the most disgraceful, disgusting, scandalous and vile act within AFL history is drum roll…



Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized


Leave a comment

by | June 21, 2016 · 6:28 pm

AFL – the midyear report according to our Italian Correspondents.

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV have given us their mid year AFL report.

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: As an Essendon supporter, thank God we are half way there…


Once again, it is that time of the year.

We are already halfway through season 2016, the first bye round is underway, the injury list is increasing by the week, prim donnas’ resurfacing from out of nowhere with their outrageous demands of their ignorance and innocence of the rules of the game.

Let’s see which of these teams has still the drive and stamina in continuing on kicking towards finals contention and which other teams has dived, failed, flopped, hit the skids, slumped and plummeted into the darkest abyss of unequivocal defeat.




The Hawks have not met the expectation as we all thought seeing that they are the reigning premiers of 2015.

Will they make it for another grand finale?…Who Knows?

Contessa’s Score: 5/10 We don’t care what Clarko thinks. His atrocious temper tantrums are still a great issue of concern.




The Bombers’ have had to endure scandal including public embarrassment and ridicule from the sporting media in the last few years. You have to admire John “Should Have Known Better” Worsfold for holding this team together and earning the club some long overdue respect. Sadly these lots are definite raspberries’ for the wooden spoon.

The last raspberry award for the Bombers was in 1933!

Contessa’s Score: 3/10 Mille Scusa Maestro Colino Grigio (That Is Gray In Italiano) and Hooter. Are we still pals?


Western Bulldogs


Quietly keeping themselves in contention without too many hiccups. No horror injury list and a coach – Luke “St Luke” Beveridge has now converted his Doggie’s in drinking holy water instead of the usual tropical flavour Gatorade. No electrolytes needed here just Acqua Santa!

Contessa’s Score: 8.5/10 A heavenly beaming light began to glow above Luke “St Luke” Beveridge’s head.


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley and his Ports have performed a Jekyll and Hyde type of footy. When they are bad, they are a disgraced according to the President David “Kochie” Koch, when they are focused they can win games. Missed opportunities? They haven’t abdicated as yet; there is still some hope.

Contessa’s Score 4/10 Purely for these poor sods putting up with that smart mouth “Kochie.”

Brisbane Lions


Poor “Leppa” and those journos’ who keep asking him “Those silly little questions.”

It’s tough when you have no choice but to face the scrutiny of questions from the sporting media time and time again. Hope is beyond the horizon for the Lions, only more physical pain for Brisbane and their supporters.

Contessa’s Score: 1.5 /10 We are being mindful not to upset “Leppa” any further, unfortunately he is not travelling very well.




Considering the shockers of the Dockers were in the top three last season, there is really no excuse for their poor performance. A couple of wins will not resurrect this club; they all need to take a long hard look at themselves.

Contessa’s Score: 2/10 What on Earth went wrong?




The Cats are purring nicely at the moment, a likely scenario for the Scotty twins, facing the Grand Final together, you never know.

Contessa’s Score: 8/10 Band of brothers? How much longer?


North Melbourne


Truth is Bradley has built a very competitive club; there is really not much else to say although dwindling a little, on field their performance is extremely solid.

Contessa’s Score: 9/10 Don’t you wish your club were sitting on top of the AFL ladder?


West Coast Eagles


Something tells us that the Eagles are teasing us, typically targeting their attack on their prey when they least expect it.

Contessa’s Score: 7/10 Do not trust them, they are shifty.




Don “Is Don!…Is Good!” Pyke is to be applauded and awarded with the instant success of the Crows, after taking over the reigns as senior coach in one of the most difficult and tragic circumstances in AFL history.

Contessa’s Score: 8/10 Byrd and Manski just want our son Eddie “Snugs” Betts back!




The Carlton club, administrators, board of directors and most importantly the supporters must be daily thankful in recruiting Brendon “Thor” Bolton, breathing new life back into the club.

The coach is the star celebrity of the AFL world at the moment, anything can happen.
Contessa’s Score: 7/10 The impossible is now a real possibility.


St Kilda


The Saint’s have taken a very very long journey; the process in putting the foundations back to where it was is going to take some time.

Contessa’s Score: 2.5/10 Losing to the grand final twice in one year 2010 is totally and utterly inexcusable.




What a bunch of chameleons’. Just when you think the Tigers have been scrapped of any hope in winning any games, they bloody win games! It is incredibly frustrating and unpredictable tipping for us punters and a massive headache for their fans.

Contessas’ Score: 3/10 Stop winning games!






Gold Coast


With no desire to do anything, this is an ordinary team. The massive injury list has not helped their cause at all. Ablett looks exhausted and the others just can’t seem to be bothered playing anymore.

Contessa’s Score: 1/10 Listening and looking at the Bums’ chairman Tony “Norman Gunston” Cochrane is enough to voluntarily admit yourself into a nut house!


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


Who would have thought that this team had the potential of playing competitive footy a few years back? Since Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron adopted this Motley Crew, they have become a surprise package.

Contessa’s Score: 6/10 Something’s gotta give? This winning formula simply can’t continue.




A winning team, a side with no fear and probably the best defence in the competition. The Swans are just going from strength to strength.

Contessa’s Score: 8/10 Please please please not another Premiership.




What has really surprised us with the Demons is how this club has resurrected themselves after this club who has suffered so many inconsistencies from all levels. The fans are really enjoying a team that can actually win games, whether this will be the year for Melbourne, still too early to say.

Contessa’s Score: 10/10 Dethroning Collingmaguirewood on Her Royal Highness 90th birthday. This weekend is going to be remembered for a very long time.




Without a doubt the disaster of 2016, no arguments here. They have gone from bad to worse, there is no turning back, a coach who is literally hanging on a thread, the playing group have literally given up.

Contessa’s Score: -10/10 The time is now for the Presidency to be given the flick.



This report is from a man who is not to be trifled with. Or else!




Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Duck Season. Giro Numero Undici (Round 11)

Ehhh…What’s up Doc?

Our Italian Correspndents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV prefer their duck cooked a certain way. How about you?


What’s the first thing you do when you hear the word duck season?

Duck feast right?…

Over the weekend that has gone by; the word “duck” terrified some of the AFL officials sending them all to a complete frenzy.

With all the hoopla about the ducking rule as to which AFL player is deliberately ducking their heads to secure a free kick, a particular senior AFL coach is having a hissy fit about a decision that should be prompted by the AFL to “Must Act Now!” on the ducking rule.

During press conference on Saturday the 4th of June 2016, Hawks coach – Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson made no bones about the current trend that the AFL players’ have been undertaking on the playing field recently stating: ”At the moment players’ are using their heads as an opportunity to win a free kick, and that is what’s dangerous, very very dangerous.”

Clarko adding: “As soon as you provide some sort of enticement for a player to try and win a free an easy free kick, they’re not worried about their heads or concussion and all that sort of stuff, now they’re worried about how can I get a free kick.”

AFL football operations boss Mark “Shark” Evans conceded: “There was a greater concern that tacklers could feel empowered to have a greater licence to tackle players high and hit the head and claim the player had ducked.”

Everyone in AFL territory seems to be confused, distracted and mystified by this saga.

To settle the controversy, authorized and organized by the AFL CEO Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan, all the senior AFL coaches’ were booked in for the day with the Game Management Authority Hunting Community Victoria located in the state forests in the Otway region to test their accuracy dexterity and veracity, in the chase quest and race in pursuing the lucrative top eight.


North Melbourne


Trying to figure out his map that was given to him by one the officials from the Game Management Authority, Damien “Hardly” Hardwick whined to Brad “Beam Me Back Scotty” Scott: “Everything is upside down. That’s strange. Can’t make heads or tails of things.”

Unimpressed Brad retorted: “Don’t bother me while I’m hunting your toothless cubs, unless you brought me some beer.”





With an evil grin, psycho Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson had this to say to Paul “Lose…Yet again!” Roos as he was strolling through the woods: “Shakespeare is the happy hunting ground of all minds that have lost their balance.”

Fearing his life, Paul didn’t waste a second; he started bolting through the forests for safety.




In absolute defeat, contemplating his coaching future, Justin “Leppa” Leppitsch was sulking all alone in the woods. Brendan “Thor” Bolton calmly walked towards him, placing his right arm around Justin’s shoulder, Brendon shared this reasonable insight: “Sporting life is 10% of what happens inside your club and 90% is of how you react towards it.”




Rubbing the huge bump that has formed on the back of his head, Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron moaned: “I was chasing my dreams for the top eight, but I tripped over and busted my head.”

“Yeah mate that was me! I just stuck my leg out to teach you and your cretins a lesson on Saturday. DON’T RUN!” Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott threatened.




Cowardly hiding alone inside the dense forest of the Otway away from the others, a relieved John “Should Have Known Better” Worsfold spoke out aloud: “My Bombers are so hidden right now, the hunters are never gonna bother to find me.”

Sneaking from behind with a rifle in his hands, Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon authenticated: “In my club, we aim for the game, we wear ugg boots, we respect our rifles, we prey before opponents, we lock and load, and we never miss.”




Skipping around the make shift camp fire, John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire serenaded to an already depressed, deflated, defeated and soon to be discarded Rodney “The Dismissal” Eade while he was silently making himself a cuppa of bush tea.

“A hunting we will go, a hunting we will go, heigh-ho, the derry-o, a hunting we will go.”


Port Adelaide


Breathing in some country air pondering about his future with his club, approaching from behind while Nathan “I’m Definitely In Trouble” Buckley was breathing in some country air,   “Ken “Kinky” Hinkley slapped Nathan’s back really hard, snorting with the following: “If you heard the shot, unfortunately I missed.”


West Coast Eagles


“Welcome hunters’, fisherman and other liars.” Adam “Go West! Smiled to Luke “St Luke” Beveridge as he was attempting to walk across the water.




Sketching a football oval on the ground with a huge stick, Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pkye firmly disclosed to Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson: “The moment in life where you realize you need to get a new job.”


Have all these teams learnt the valuable lesson in the pursuit of mid season finals contention?

Probably not. In the game of AFL football, the hunter will always be the hunted.


Perhaps this lot should take some advice from our friends here.




Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Did you get the Memo? Giro Numero Dieci (round 10)

Did you get the Memo? Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV ask the question.



It’s the memo that has changed AFL football and not everyone is happy.

A correction in the umpires’ perception for the rushed behind has the AFL players and senior coaches’ completely dumfounded.

Preparing for round 10, the AFL informed each club rushed behinds would be treated strictly as deliberate as the out of bounds rule.

Last Saturday night, the shocker of the Dockers defender – Lee “Blockhead” Spurr was caught out in soccering the football behind under little pressure.

Once again, this infringement came out on Sunday afternoon at the MCG, when Brisbane Pearce “Gangly” Hanley ran the ball over the line with the closest opposition Nathan “Jonesy” Jones.

A new inscription, message, rule, notice, reminder, tickler?

Which other AFL coaches’ have missed that memo from AFL head office into the changing and understanding of umpires by watching the opening game of each round.

Apparently all senior coaches’ along with their prospective clubs have received the memo from the AFL football operations boss Mark “Shark” Evans about the standard principle of game playing.


Didn’t get the memo, were theses coaches’ uniformed about something?

Prepare for some noise and knives.




The Swans administrators quizzed John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire about the circulation of the memo, to their horror, shrugging his shoulders, typically Longmire was defiant: “The thing is, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s just that I don’t even care about the memo.”





North Melbourne


“Looks like you have been missing a lot of memos lately Bradley in this club.” Scolded President James “007” Bradshaw.

“I wouldn’t say “missing” is the word James.” Brad “Beam Me Back Scotty” Scott snapped.

Adding: “Leave me alone! I’ve got better things to do than hang around with you all day.”


Brisbane Lions


Justin “Leppa” Leppitsch was in no mood for a debate about the missed note from head office. Leppitsch lamenting: “When you watch Friday night football, it rings in your ears as a coach; the umpires are calling this one this week. Continuing: “There seems to be a new rushed behind ruling overnight. I don’t like it, but maybe that’s just me. I didn’t get the memo.”

One of the sporting journalists casually walked over to Leppitsch handing him a copy of the memo. Grinning maliciously: “Here’s the memo.”




“What bloody f***ing memo!” Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson screamed to his assistant coach Brett “Rats” Ratten. “Filthy rotten liars!” Clarko screeched; his face turned fifty shades of red. A chair was then hurled into the walls of the MCG coaches’ box, causing considerable damage.




During press conference Paul “Winnable?” Roos was baffled by the implementation of the new rule. Trying to keep his composure as the sporting media continued their interrogation, Paul confessed: “Maybe I missed the memo. I thought we were going to look at the end of the year. I don’t know it all gets a bit confusing to be honest.…I was confused.”

Can someone please remind Roos to look up the word “Memo” in the Oxford dictionary; he will find it listed under the letter M.


Port Adelaide


“Listen Kenneth, we’re gonna move you downstairs. We need more room inside your office so we can make sure that those memos won’t keep disappearing. So if you could just go ahead and pack up your stuff and move in to the basement that would be terrific. OK?” David “Kochie” Koch demanded.

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley started to sob, silently he commenced to pack his belongings.


St Kilda


“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler?” Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson questioned Nick “Dikileaks” Riewoldt.

Nick: “What are you gonna use if for coach?”

Richardson: “Staple this memo on to your forehead you idiot!”




Shocker of the Dockers Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon viewed this decision as controversial. Analyzing: “The umpires would interpret there wasn’t enough pressure on you to do that and maybe it wasn’t right. But in the conditions and all that…but it’s neither here nor there really, it doesn’t occupy my thinking.”

No memo. No brainer. Lyon has become clinically insane.




“What the AFL administrators are trying to do here, is trying to get a feel how you do your work around here, so John if you could just walk us through on a typical day here.

By the way did you get the memo?” Lindsay “Money’s Too Tight Too Mention” Tanner lectured.

John “Should Have Known Better” Worsfold burst into tears.






Damien “Hardly” Hardwick and his Tigers were beneficiaries with the new rule, smugly admitting that he and his club “Are all for it, but ask me when the shoe is on the other foot.

I think it keeps the game alive. I don’t mind it.”

Smiling at media conference, smarmy Damien walked happily off waving the memo in the air, tripping over the microphone cables eventually falling flat on his face.




“Hi Don I need to ask you something? There’s talk about the memo. Did you get the memo?” Crows CEO Andrew “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan grilled.

Observing the sheet of paper, Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke calmly removed the sheet of paper from the CEO’s hand, scrunched up it into a tight ball and shoved it inside his mouth.


GWS (Geez! Which State?…)


Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron had only this to say the media before the kick off about the memo. Thrusting an accusing finger towards the camera, Leon began shouting the following:

“Look I’ve already told you lot, I only deal with the God damn team, so the fans can keep attending our games. I have people skills; I am good at dealing with people. Can’t you understand that? What the hell is wrong with you people?”




Bluffing his way to the Carlton President Mark “Mambo Italiano” Loguidice Brendon “Thor” Bolton lied: “Yeah, I got the memo. And I understand the policy; the problem is that I forgot about it, so I’m already doing something about it. It’s not even a problem anymore.”




“I thought you all wanted to express yourself. I don’t know of any memo. Why? Is there one?” Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott quickly rushed through the exit door post match conference.




“No idea!” Nathan “Yup! I’m in trouble yet again!” Buckley barked during post match conference. Extending: “There is a lot of grey in this game.” Moaning: “Each of the three umpires have different views of the game.”

Bucks storming off, walking towards a pathetic and tragic looking Collingmaguire Eddie, disbelieved that the President was contemplating another resignation from his wretched club.


Western Bulldogs


Rolling down the lengthy scroll, Luke “St Luke” Beveridge was reading the memo to his Doggies, whilst at the same time doing the sign of the cross.


West Coast Eagles


Adam “Go West! Simpson had his own theory: “Well, I generally come in at least fifteen minutes late, I use the side door, after that I just sort of space out for about an hour.

What memo?”


Gold Coast Bums


Gold Coast Bums chairman  – Tony “Norman Gunston” Cochrane stormed inside the club rooms dumping a crate of boxes filled with what appeared to be papers, yelling to Rodney “Rocket” Eade and his bums: No packet of lollies here, read the bloody memos!”


Take a look at this poor sod that failed to get the memo.



Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized