Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV have consulted Maltese Rockstar Joe Camilleri to find out about the HIT AND RUN that has the AFL heavyweights with their jumpers in a twist because of the AFL Jumper punches.
Here we go again…
If it is not sledging one week, we now have the controversial jumper punches swooping in from the economical offices of the AFL boss – Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan and his football general manager Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean.
At the same time, the duo’s insight have not introduced the new rule as such, they have ordered that the punishments be strengthened when unruly and grumpy jumpers take it upon themselves to punch the stomachs, chins, jaws of other players.
“Lethal Weapons” commented on Tuesday: “My view is that I don’t like the current practice of on-field punches by players. I am strong on that view.
“As of this weekend’s matches, players and clubs are on notice that we don’t tolerate it. Adding: “The MRP (Match Review Panel) is well aware of my views and the views of the AFL on this. I also don’t believe we need to make any changes to the rules or the guidelines for the MRP to implement our views.”
To be fair, the MRP were not aware of this new recommendation and the mind-set of the AFL, perhaps even if they were, then the football general manager is a complete idiot.
Obviously, “Lethal Weapons” aspect in glimpsing the look including the outlook in this perspective picture, in prospecting the scene, sight, vision and the ways of this marvelous game we all love, is his reason to apply the rules with logic and clarity?
The maddening question is why has it taken the AFL such a long time to see the jumper punch for what it is?
If we were to deconstruct this code of football or any game for one miniscule detail, then the game will recede very quickly, diminishing everything from it that makes this sport so unique.
On that note, Dear Punters, being traditionalists that we all are, any administrators, senior coaches and players you would like to jumper punch or punch?
Establishing the Cats winning formula, Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott was blunt: “People say everything happens for a reason”.
“So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.”
Giving Chris the kiss of death, Ken “Kinky” Hinkley fated: “If you got punched every time you lied Christopher, you’d be dead!”
“Ignoring you is the easiest way from punching you.” John “Here’s Johnny! Longmire cursed to Clarko.
Clutching his right hand into a tight fist, Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson threatened: “There’s something about your ugly mug that makes me want to punch you in the face right now!”
Ever the faithful prophet, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge avowed to Richardson before the game: “Who is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.”
“Sure Luke, you seem to always have a plan until you actually get punched in the mouth!” Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson growled, storming off towards his treasured Saints.
Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was sick to his back teeth hearing Eade continuously gloating on about the Gold Coast Bums recent trip to Shanghai a couple of weeks back, intimidating:
“I will hit you so hard, even Google won’t be able find you! Bloody windbag!”
Rodney “Rocket” Eade wasn’t even bothered with Goodwins’ disrespect towards him, validating: “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”
Pinching his left index finger and thumb together, John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold is livid after reading recently through social media about Hardwick’s “Clouded” interpretation on the new jumper gut punches.
“You’re THIS CLOSE in getting your throat punched Damo!
“You just can’t seem to keep that fat trap of yours shut! Since when did you become our spokesperson you flippant tool!”
“Keep your head high Jonathan and I’ll keep raising my middle finger towards you even higher.” Damian “Hardly” Hardwick pompously swaggered passed Worsfold giggling almost resembling “The Prince Regent” from The Black Adder.
Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke dispatched the following message to Ross: “I may look calm, but in my head I’ve already punched you in the face three times.”
“A penny for your thoughts seems a little pricey Donald!” Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon ridiculed.
Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan loathed the mere fact of his delicate Cubs playing against the beastly Pies, lamenting: “Bucks just needs a high five…in the face…with a chair!”
Torturing Fagan even further as the Lions are still listless on the almighty AFL ladder, Nathan “Sooner Or Later I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley oppressed: “The AFL needs your club like water in my lungs.”
Brendon “Thor!” Bolton could smell Brad “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott and his Kangaroos from a mile away, pinching his nose, Bolts revealed: “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who needs it most never uses it.”
Fuming, Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scotty challenged: “Despite medical advances, there is no known cure for someone who needs a punch in the face, except for an actual punch in the face!”
GWS (Geez! Which State?)
“I’m not trying to hit you or throw you in the nearest garbage tip Adam, I just want this game to mine.” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron petitioned.
Laughing hysterically, Adam “ Go West!” Simpson heckled: “Threats are the last resort from a man with absolutely no vocabulary.”
In that case, I suppose we gotta keep putting a boot in, running, hiding, cause it’s gonna get to you.