Can’t Touch This!…Giro Numero Sette…(Round 7)…


Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are wondering if anyone in the AFL are untouchable…You can’t touch this…

The seventh round itch has appeared imposingly, unwillingly brewing uncertainty in all of us.

Just when you think you have got this game let alone this season figured out, complaints begin to emerge, collectively protesting about the littlest of things.

The decline in a sporting relationship is unexpectedly irritating and incredibly itchy, just like the mites living under your skin that are increasingly difficult to get rid of.

Dangerously, this is where the anti-social behaviour creeps in, the flying accusations, blame game, denunciation and finally isolation.

It’s only round seven of the AFL season; already a number of teams are facing season defining matches.

The last eight on the almighty AFL ladder are now finding their forms, whereas the top eight have somehow lost theirs.

Notable senior sporting coaches and administrators retains this absurd ideology that they are beyond reach, invincible and indestructible.


Exemption is no longer an exception.


As the AFL weeks breeze by, the willingness to endure and withstand hardship will no doubt ultimately have an expiry date.


GWS (Geez!…Which State?)


Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron was explicit to Alan and his Saints: “In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.”

Unaffected, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson established: “Even a fool knows you can’t touch the stars, but it won’t keep the wise from trying.”




“You or your boys can’t touch anything without destroying it!” Don “Is Don…Is Good.” Pyke was in no mood for Brad or his Kangaroos.

“Being a dick; won’t make yours any bigger Donald!” Abused Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott.




Placing a sympathetic arm around Nathan’s shoulder, Brendon “Thor!” Bolton was intent in dismantling Collingmaguirewood’s 125th anniversary celebrations this weekend.

Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Bolts asserted the following: “Hey Bucks, might as well flick that second bird from off your club’s 125th anniversary emblem mate!”

Angrily shoving Brendon against the wall, Nathan “Sure As Hell I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley screamed: “Don’t touch me you peasant!”

Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was convinced home territory is a definite victory for his Ports instructing Adam: “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions”.

Expressing his usual tenderness, Adam “Go West!” Simpson” educated: “Oh sure Kenneth, you’re Street smart, Sesame Street smart.”




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott apathy towards the Bum’s home ground Metricon “Intergalactic Stadium Of Planet Has Beens” Stadium stating the obvious: “Listen up Rodney, let’s agree to disagree because this place, your Bums including yourself are too stupid to even understand me.”

Gutsy Rodney “Rocket” Eade the well-versed veteran wasn’t even bothered delivered:

“It doesn’t matter how big my hammer is Christopher, because I can’t even knock common sense in to stupid people like yourself and your kittens.


Western Bulldogs


Admiring his cherished Bulldogs during their training session, fighting back tears, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge pledged: “My dear followers, we’ve got to pray just to make it through today. Just remember boys, faith does not make things easy, it makes them possible.”

Damien “Hardly” Hardwick wasn’t buying it: “Your words mean nothing when your actions are the complete opposite. Can’t touch this! “ Damo pointing out to his charlatans.


Brisbane Lions


Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan added more anguish to Longmire’s trouble vexing: “Hey Johnny! We should call this match the Chris and Lions show. What sort of chair do you think I should have?”

“One we can plug in!” Snapped John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire.




Talking to his Demons, Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was on a roll: “We need a rapid interface in the chin-wag department. I understand Alistair is…sacked!”

“He told you?” Brett “Rats” Ratten was clearly devastated.

“Nah! I read the graffiti in the lift” Laughed Goodwin.




John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold mathematically calculated this match to his baffled Bombers: “Not everything counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted, counts.”

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon subtracted: “John, if you can’t explain it simply to your Bombers, then you don’t understand this game at all.”



Nobody is sacred.


Everyone within the football fraternity is imperiled, can’t touch this?


Just wait and see.





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