Monthly Archives: June 2017

Never Gonna Give You Up!…Giro Numero Quattordici…(Round 14)…


Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are polishing their coaching daggers but maintain they are ‘Never gonna give you up’

More than half way into this season it’s the conversation of the security of some coaches’ jobs again as a hot topic.

Most fans are buoyant about their side’s chances at making a finals push or even a premiership inclination, but for some, the talk around their club is centered on the coach and his future.

Nathan “Definitely A Gonner!” Buckley, Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott, and Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson are the men who are feeling the heat at this very moment.

Bucks is refusing to give up finals despite the Magpies 31-point defeat at the hands of Port Adelaide on Sunday.

The Pies are in their fourth consecutive year without finals, a grim reality for the club.

Scott dropped a bombshell in the AFL football world along with his faithful supporters by culling four beloved club veterans last season.

Now he is swallowing the bitterest pill in his coaching career for ruthlessly giving the bum’s rush to arguably North Melbourne’s best veterans in the club ever to pull on a Kangaroo Guernsey.

Clarko has being fined a whopping $20,000 for his umpire spray recently, adding to his woes,

Alistair was once renowned for being considered one of the best senior coaches of his time. He is now grappling with the impending plausibility that his flightless Hawks could possibly be crowned with the raspberry prize of the AFL since 1965 …that bloody wooden spoon!


Safe guarding their validity within their own clubs, the other AFL senior coaches are fighting for their rights to hold on to what they have still got…a job!




Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke: “I’m not gonna give up, shut up or let up until I’m taken up, as a matter of fact I’m just warming up.”


Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson: “I’m allowed to scream and cry, but I won’t  f*****g give up!”




John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire: “Never ever give up unless there is something good on TV…me!”


John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold: “Life is too short to have to work along with a mutton head like you.”



Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley to Buckley: “Before you give up, think of the reason why you held on for so bloody long.”


Nathan “Definitely A Gonner!” Buckley painfully confessed: “There’s a difference between giving up and just not wanting to take someone’s shit anymore!”


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron: “Ever tried, ever failed, no matter try again. Fail again. Fail better.”


Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan: “There’s a difference between in giving up and knowing when you have had enough!”


Western Bulldogs


Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge: “Give up your ego Bradley and you will find God!”


Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott: “Give my regards to your holiness, I never tried quitting and I never quit trying!”




Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin eloquently had this to say just before kick off in way out west:

“Thou shalt not stress over the opinion of an irrelevant little shit!”


Adam “Go West!” Simpson skillfully barked: “I will not let anyone walk in my mind with their dirty feet. No what I mean?”




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott bluntly had this to say: “Fear is a habit; so is self pity, defeat, anxiety and despair. It is what it is. I’m never ever giving up!”


“Rubbish Christopher! Even if others give up on you, never give up on yourself, that is the determination, power, strength to thrive in this game.” Scolded Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon.




Surrendering definitely is not on Brendon “Thor!” Bolton watch.

He is not even bothered about the insecurity of his job. With his trademark Cheshire cat grin, Bolts sang merrily to this tune on the way to the MCG: “Twinkle Twinkle little star, point me to the nearest bar.”


Damian “Hardly” Hardwick: “Of course I always talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.” Concluding: “Through my own consultation and recommendation, when you’re giving up, someone is still going.”


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson: “I am a skilled professional in pointing out the obvious and I speak fluent in sarcasm.”


Rodney “Rocket” Eade: “I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times just to be sure.”


Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn you round and desert you.


We’ll see.



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Superstition!…Giro Numero Tredici…(Round 13)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are daring into the AFL world of suspicion. Do you dare to follow in the round of 13?


The number 13 is considered to be unlucky one to quite a number of people.

Fear of the number 13 has specifically being recognized with fear if not superstitions.

Presently, rotten luck has once more reared its ugly head for some of these clubs.

September was looking pretty rosy a few weeks back for some of these clubs including a few of the senior coaches, regrettably the AFL finals is now only a distant illusion.

Superstition the fear and notion that someone or something is sending you negative vibes could be the likely answer?


Is that what is really happening to some of these once upon a time affluent AFL clubs?

Devil’s won luck? Hardship? Temporary setback? Rotten luck?


Are these football teams trying too hard, avoiding superstition or are they in actual fact a bunch of colossal idiots giving us poor dear punters Mary Hell when it comes to tipping?


These fellas, they seem to think their poor performances so far is based on the number thirteen that has befallen on them and the dark cloud of superstition is certainly to blame.




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scotty dreads cats, especially the Black variety.

The black cat known characteristics is independence, willfulness and stealth.

According to Christopher, these felines are to be kept at a very long distance, as the black cat is deemed guilty of witchery in association even in AFL football.


Remedy: Abundant supplies of Dine – New selections gourmet delight delivered daily to his genetic code of his twin brother Bradley and the entire North Melbourne Football club.


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson along with his Saints are constantly walking under or around the AFL ladder so to speak inviting bad luck and negative spirits around their club.


Remedy: Leave the AFL ladder alone, walk away and give some other club a go.

Much safer.



Peeing on the road.

John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire has a fight on his hands.

Constantly reminding his Swans to not mark any territory before or during a game, they will all end up getting sty in their eyes.


Remedy: Too far gone we’re afraid, pretty sums up their abominable if not inadequate post AFL Grand Final performance. Incurable!


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley is scared out of his wits catching any of his Ports sleeping on a table.

Admittedly these boys have done this on numerous occasions during a pub-crawl, no stopping them now!

Thirteen weeks into this current season and you want to rehabilitate these misfits?


Remedy: We can’t think of any!




According to Brendon “Thor!” Bolton his theory for their ups and downs this season is:

The Malocchio or the evil eye.

It’s the look that one person gives another if they are jealous or envious.

According to Italian folklore, those giving the Malocchio can cause harm to someone else.

It is just another way of putting a curse on others that can cause physical pain such as a headache, stomachache or even cause misfortune.


Remedy: Wear a navy blue cornetto or corno (Traditionally known as the the horn, usually made of gold) that resembles a chili pepper around your neck and chant out loud: “Vai via “Mea Colpa” Malthouse!” slamming the doors shut at Carlton Headquarters – IKON Park three times firmly in his face!


Western Bulldogs


Violation of “The Ten Commandments” is troubling Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge of late.

He has every reason to feel unsettled after their win in the 10th round and the week after his beloved Bulldogs were on a bye, thanks to the modern rules of the AFL imposed by the Administrators.

Into the following week of competition, things have not gone according to “St. Luke’s” plan; he sees the bye round as a definite curse, a desecration to this game.


Remedy: Walk into the AFL Headquarters – Docklands, with a megaphone.

Read the entire Ten Commandments to Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan including to his nut job football general manager Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean.

Conclusively engulfing the office in a herculean tidal wave to teach “McMoron and “Lethal Weapons” a valuable lesson about dignity, respect and recognition of the old laws of this sacred game.



Everything is superstitious, in this sporting world, the writing is on the wall and the AFL ladder is about to fall…on somebody.


Look out!



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Under Pressure

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are wondering if you are all Under pressure? If so you may ease things with their annual mid year AFL report.


Once again, the mid season is upon us, time now to begin with the mid year report on the AFL coaching mindset.

Without a doubt this would have to be one of the most unpredictable season for quite some time as far as game playing is concerned, flip the other side of the coin, the benchmark in pointing the comparison with the coaching outlook has been dealt with heavy scrutiny.

In particular with some notable coaches and their clubs, unless they can get their teams to succeed in doing what the club wants them to achieve, win some games.

The 2017 season is shaping up to be as a make or break one for a number of AFL sides and their coaches.


The curse and the torment of the mid season, before too long someone will eventually feel anxious, stress and unwillingly due to pressure will have to call it a day.


Who will be facing the AFL guillotine?




Don “Is Don…Is Good! Pyke is proving to be a formidable operator with his Crows, highly likely they will revisit the finals in September…again!

Looks as though the big kahuna has already charted his geographical map into the finals.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 9.5/10 – Guts and stamina.




Seeing that this is Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan’s first season as their senior coach, at this stage whatever wins will be a positive one, let’s just give him time to sculpt his Lions into a more competitive side.

Don’t bother with bootless errands or you will be literally torn to shreds.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 3.5/10 – Snail Trailing.




Brendon “Thor!” Bolton is still relatively new to the role who is fielding an inexperienced list; he needs to win more games unless he wants to end up like his predecessor – “Mea Colpa” Malthouse.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5/10 – Growth -Too much yapping will send these boys packing.




Since Nathan “I’m Gonna Be Sacked Sooner Rather Than Later” Buckley tenure as the senior coach, beyond question is his survival has been much to speculate and is under pressure more than any other senior coach in the league.

Clearly admired by his administrators and his players, but will that be enough?


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 1/10 – Unwanted. Believe the truth Bucks!




Not much has happened since John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold has come on board.

Give him due credit, he had to take steps in moving this club forward after a tumultuous four long years of extreme hardship.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6/10 – Forget and Respect.




Ross “ No Longer The Boss” Lyon maintains to develop and produce young recruits, but he still seems to rely heavily on the older players leading to massive defeats.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 2.5/10 – Asininity and stupidity.




After a slow start, Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott has surprised quite a few with their winning formula. Can he take the Cats to the finals? Another flag?


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 7.5/10 – Cool for Cats.


Gold Coast Bums


Cursed by injuries and the desertion of several key players, Rodney “Rocket” Eade’s contract expires at the end of this season; he needs to finish this season off on a high.

Can he do it?


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 4.5/10 – Stubborn.


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


Leon “King of Leon” Cameron has been sanctified with the AFL’S current list.

The ladder leading Giants are a premiership favourite midway through the season.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 8/10 – No fear.




Considered one of the best Coaches of the modern era, the Hawks are at crossroads.

Contracted through 2019, Clarko needs to stop thinking that the football world owes him a living.

AFL football and his club were here first!


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 3/10 – End of an era?




Still finding his feet, Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin and the Demons are desperate to see their side in the finals. If not, Goodwin will probably be blamed for another missed opportunity.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.5/10 – Uncertain if not unsettled.






North Melbourne


Committed to rebuild and restore the club after sending off Brent “Legend” Harvey and several other players last season much to all our disgust, Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott is determined to focus on still being competitive, regardless of his critics.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.o/10 – Ruthlessly vindictive.


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley will be off contract at the end of this year, anything short of the finals will leave him vulnerable and unsafe.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.5/10 – Facetious.




Damian “Hardly” Hardwick has turned his fortunes around; only recently Damo admitted that he was nearly sacked last year. Contracted through next year, he will surely get an extension.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5/10 – Bold.


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson is incredibly lucky that he still has Nick “Dikileaks” Riewoldt in the team, so far so good.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6.5/10 – Fortune favours the brave.




John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire along with his unsteady crew will have to sail a very long journey if they want to revisit the finals this year.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 4/10 – Twelve weeks in a leaky boat.


West Coast Eagles


Adam “Go West!” Simpson took the Eagles to a grand final in 2015 remember?

Not sure if he can pull this one through. Still finding their form.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6.0/10 – Temperamental. One week they’re hot and the next they’re cold.


Western Bulldogs


Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge is locked in until the end of 2020 after last year’s premiership.

A brilliant negotiator, mentor as well as being admired and esteemed by the wider football community and beyond.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 10/10 – Immortal.





Run with the ball or you will fall.





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Embarrassment!…Giro Numero Undici…(Round 11)….


Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are feeling a touch embarrassed about their DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP prowess this season..are you feeling the same?

Have you ever felt embarrassed?

  • Singing with your headphones, not realizing how loud you are.
  • That embarrassing moment when you need to do a silent fart, suddenly a sneeze comes that makes you fart out loud. (Come on you lot! Fess up!)
  • Awkward moment when you’re talking about someone and that person is standing right behind you.
  • When you get mad at someone and you slam the door then realized you forgot something so you have to go back.
  • Looking at something else then walk into a tree or pole and everyone stares at you.
  • Waving at someone you think you know but you actually don’t.
  • Typing out a text or email in a rush and sending it to the wrong person.


We all know that feeling of discomfort, self-consciousness, shame and uneasiness.


In particular sports is at it’s finest when the performances are executed with precision and perfection, which is why awkward and embarrassing moments in any sports seems so jarring.

It just doesn’t feel right.

Sports builds character, while other argues it reveals character. The truth is that sport is filled with characters, some sketchy, others reckless and still others bizarre.

We love watching sports for the triumphs, but also for the failures including the personal imperfection.


Progressing on to the eleventh round in this rampaging if not an unpredictable 2017 AFL season. The blemishes are beginning to surface, blotches of paranoia, discolouration of self-doubt, speckles of a setback, and the unavoidable breakouts of gloom.


Should any of these teams be compelled to feel apologetic, crushed, embarrassed, hesitant, regretful or offensively with egg on their face?


Currently the state of wonder is certainly one for the books.


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was on a roll, taking full advantage of Clarkson’s descending spiral with his flightless Hawks: “Hey Clarko! Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will never regret about your wingless Doves.”

Astonishingly withholding his anger, with ease, Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson replied: “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his pathetic fools.”








Infuriated that his revered Crows most likely will be knocked off the top spot, Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke without reserve bluntly humiliated the following: “Christopher, just because you don’t get it, doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you actually are.”

“Yeah Donald be that as it may, the difference between stupidity and genius, is that genius has its limits.” Disgraced Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott.


West Coast Eagles


Munching on an apple, Adam “Go West!” Simpson gave the low-down of his intention to Rodney: “An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough!”

Unfazed by Adam’s cheap shot Rodney “Rocket” Eade eloquently observed: “Well Simpson, you are definitely on the spectrum of socially awkward.”


GWS (Geez!…Which State?)


Pleased as punch that Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron along with his misfits has the inconceivable misfortune in sitting at Numero Uno on the almighty AFL ladder, audaciously Leon bit: “You know Johnno, I’m not saying we’re perfect, in fact my boys and I know that we are and we’re worth it.” Egotistically adding much to Worsfold chagrin: “It’s embarrassing to be stars.”

“I wish Leo you were fluent in silence!” John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold was evidently flustered with GWS phenomenal performance so far.


North Melbourne


Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott telling it like it is to Hardwick about his Kangaroos substandard performance of late conceding: “I’m easily embarrassed, that means I am more trustworthy, loyal, honest and generous as a person.”

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick was not even entertained by this admission, repelling with this fast knock down: “Being sarcastic on a regular basis can add 3 years to your life Bradley, praise and flattery about yourself will shorten your life.”




Still coming to terms with the disgraceful defeat last round of Ahem!…100 points!

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon unrealistically justified: “It’s only embarrassing if you cared what other people think.”

Bewildered by Lyon’s shortsighted standpoint, Nathan “Sooner Or Later I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley without reserve confessed: “I’ve been embarrassing myself publicly for over 20 years. Why should I stop now?”


Is this all a faux pas or failure to perform a duty if not a moral contractual obligation?


Unseemly the temporal length of this game will soon be revealed.


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