Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are daring into the AFL world of suspicion. Do you dare to follow in the round of 13?
The number 13 is considered to be unlucky one to quite a number of people.
Fear of the number 13 has specifically being recognized with fear if not superstitions.
Presently, rotten luck has once more reared its ugly head for some of these clubs.
September was looking pretty rosy a few weeks back for some of these clubs including a few of the senior coaches, regrettably the AFL finals is now only a distant illusion.
Superstition the fear and notion that someone or something is sending you negative vibes could be the likely answer?
Is that what is really happening to some of these once upon a time affluent AFL clubs?
Devil’s won luck? Hardship? Temporary setback? Rotten luck?
Are these football teams trying too hard, avoiding superstition or are they in actual fact a bunch of colossal idiots giving us poor dear punters Mary Hell when it comes to tipping?
These fellas, they seem to think their poor performances so far is based on the number thirteen that has befallen on them and the dark cloud of superstition is certainly to blame.
Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scotty dreads cats, especially the Black variety.
The black cat known characteristics is independence, willfulness and stealth.
According to Christopher, these felines are to be kept at a very long distance, as the black cat is deemed guilty of witchery in association even in AFL football.
Remedy: Abundant supplies of Dine – New selections gourmet delight delivered daily to his genetic code of his twin brother Bradley and the entire North Melbourne Football club.
Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson along with his Saints are constantly walking under or around the AFL ladder so to speak inviting bad luck and negative spirits around their club.
Remedy: Leave the AFL ladder alone, walk away and give some other club a go.
Peeing on the road.
John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire has a fight on his hands.
Constantly reminding his Swans to not mark any territory before or during a game, they will all end up getting sty in their eyes.
Remedy: Too far gone we’re afraid, pretty sums up their abominable if not inadequate post AFL Grand Final performance. Incurable!
Ken “Kinky” Hinkley is scared out of his wits catching any of his Ports sleeping on a table.
Admittedly these boys have done this on numerous occasions during a pub-crawl, no stopping them now!
Thirteen weeks into this current season and you want to rehabilitate these misfits?
Remedy: We can’t think of any!
According to Brendon “Thor!” Bolton his theory for their ups and downs this season is:
The Malocchio or the evil eye.
It’s the look that one person gives another if they are jealous or envious.
According to Italian folklore, those giving the Malocchio can cause harm to someone else.
It is just another way of putting a curse on others that can cause physical pain such as a headache, stomachache or even cause misfortune.
Remedy: Wear a navy blue cornetto or corno (Traditionally known as the the horn, usually made of gold) that resembles a chili pepper around your neck and chant out loud: “Vai via “Mea Colpa” Malthouse!” slamming the doors shut at Carlton Headquarters – IKON Park three times firmly in his face!
Violation of “The Ten Commandments” is troubling Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge of late.
He has every reason to feel unsettled after their win in the 10th round and the week after his beloved Bulldogs were on a bye, thanks to the modern rules of the AFL imposed by the Administrators.
Into the following week of competition, things have not gone according to “St. Luke’s” plan; he sees the bye round as a definite curse, a desecration to this game.
Remedy: Walk into the AFL Headquarters – Docklands, with a megaphone.
Read the entire Ten Commandments to Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan including to his nut job football general manager Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean.
Conclusively engulfing the office in a herculean tidal wave to teach “McMoron and “Lethal Weapons” a valuable lesson about dignity, respect and recognition of the old laws of this sacred game.
Everything is superstitious, in this sporting world, the writing is on the wall and the AFL ladder is about to fall…on somebody.