Monthly Archives: July 2017

R.E.S.P.E.C.T…Giro Numero Diciassette…(Round 17)…


Sex Scandles in the AFL – Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are calling for a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Another bombshell fell this week at the AFL Headquarters; the revelation was a lot more damaging as the stakes were even higher involving senior AFL officials in executive positions.

The two AFL officials, General Manager Of Football Operations – Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean and General Manager of Commercial – Richard “Ricket” Simkiss had conducted “inappropriate” relationships.

They resigned from their positions on Thursday night.

The scandal comes a week after Ali “Brawler” Fahour, who had been the AFL’s diversity manager, quit after he was banned for life from playing football for punching an opponent, knocking him out cold during a match with the Northern Football League.


For McLachlan, coming to terms on Thursday that he would have no choice but to terminate not one but two senior executives as a result of in-house affairs.

On Friday morning, McLachlan was close to tears when he told staff that his football lieutenant Simon Lethlean was finished along with the newly appointed Commercial boss, Richard Simkiss.


Without question, this has been a very difficult few weeks for the AFL CEO – Gillon “The Guv’nor” McLachlan, not only was Lethlean a close friend, he was also his right hand man as the football boss.


Ironically, the dismissal of the two AFL executives comes as the AFL has still yet to finalize an upgraded respect and responsibility policy within the AFL industry.


During the urgent press conference that was held on Friday the 14th of July 2017 at 12:30pm, McLachlan emphasized the following: “The AFL I want to lead is a professional organization based on integrity, respect, care for each other and responsibility.”

Expanding: “We are committed to a process of change and I am confident that change is being seen across the industry.”

“The journey that we are on to a more equal and respectful workplace must be more than just two words. It must be backed up with action and change.”


What is the current formation of logistical thinking within the senior coaches given the tempestuous few weeks within the ALF administrators?


Is there really any admiration and appreciation given by the others in their own clubs?







St Kilda


In recognition of his Saints performance, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson made his intentions quite clear: “Keep it simple. Respect my time, match my effort, keep your word, always be honest and most importantly stay consistent.”


Resurrecting the club from hardship, John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold was blunt: “Respect is for those who deserve it not for those who demand it Alan!”




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott, pleased with himself; castigated with the following:

“Seek respect Clarko not attention. It lasts longer.”


Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson was defiant: “Screw that! Treat people how they treat you!”


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley awakened Brad’s memories from the culling he executed at the end of last season: “Bradley, that was the moment you lost all the respect, no surprise that the current ladder position is defining your future as a coach.”


Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott crudely blasted: “With all due respect Kenneth, you’re an arsehole!”


Gold Coast Bums


Rodney “Rocket” Eade has been in this business for far too long, with his usual acuteness hitting the nail straight on the head, reiterated some home truth to Bucks: “Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated, trust is gained, loyalty is returned.”


Nathan “Definitely A Gonner” Buckley brushed Eade off with this statement: “I know I should be respecting your opinion but I find it difficult because you’re a bloody idiot!”


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron vocation towards his brutes’ game playing with: “Some people won’t respect you until you become disrespectful.”


“Well then Leo, I guess that you are perfect as you are, with all your flaws and problems. There’s no need to change a thing.” John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire settled.




Don “Is Don…Is Good! Pkye analogy on the Crows winning formula so far: “A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect, it’s that simple!”


“Donald be careful how you talk about yourself, you’re the only one listening!” Reacted an unconverted Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin.


Brisbane Lions


Chris Reviewing The Situation” Fagan motive was explicit: “I only respect people who respect me, and I forget people who forget me.”


“There’s no one left within the coaching division, you have already been oldfangled!” Damian “Hardly” Hardwick laughed.











Brendon “Thor!” Bolton praised his boys despite their losing streak, calmly mentoring: “Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both under your belt, that’s real power.”


Reminding his faithful Bulldogs about integrity, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge carefully read out-loud from his scroll: “Football is like life. It requires perseverance, hard work, self-denial, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.”


West Coast Eagles


Adam “Go West!” Simpson made sure that none of his Eagles were going to end up at the Tribunal lecturing: “There is a difference between expressing your opinion and being rude.”


Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon typically in his own world only had this to say: “I respect the opinions of others even if I always disagree with them.”


Equality, integrity, responsibility and respect within the AFL industry?


Time will certainly tell.



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I will survive…Giro Numero Sedici…(Round 16)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are questioning who can survive the weekly scandles and scuttlebut of an AFL season.


What on earth is wrong with the AFL football this season?

Is the AFL football completely out of control?


The ugly incidents that has been mounting up recently in the AFL in the last few weeks have been unfortunately too frequent:

  • The Bachar “Hooligan” Houli including Tom “Thug” Bugg hits.
  • That brutal punch to a local footballer – Dale “Prevail” Saddington knocking him unconscious during a local game by the AFL diversity manager – Ali “Brawler” Fahour, now banned indefinitely and rightly so from playing or officiating any future football matches.
  • This weekend gone by, St Kilda forward – Tim “Grim” Membery and Collingmaguirewood’s midfielder – Levi “Shitwood” Greenwood appear certain to be handed suspensions for their high hits.
  • Richmond captain Trent “Bent” Cotchin continues to walk a fine line with his on field antics and aggression, despite the fact he gut punched St Kilda’s Jack “Lone Ranger” Lonie on Saturday night.
  • Former North Melbourne legend – Glenn “Sloucher” Archer has been charged over an alleged assault at his son’s junior football match in Melbourne in June of this year.


Since round 9, remember the sledging controversy?

AFL CEO – Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan and football Operations Manager – Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean ordered a reset on intentional punches, so far 13 players have been found guilty of intentional strikes to the body.


No surprises that the Match Review Panel (MRP) is going to be exceptionally busy before this season will come to an end.

Brownlow medalist – Jimmy “I’ll See Ya Jimmy!” Bartel who sits on the AFL’s Match Review Panel is concerned about all of these incidents. The Panel is discussing the possibility of issuing red cards at the elite level.


Is this manner in conducting oneself an excuse for survival in a professional sporting existence to carry on playing ruthlessly in this blue-blooded game of ours?


Men behaving badly?


There is a matter of business to be taken care of as to who will actually survive this week let alone this season.







“Safe as houses!” Declared Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke. Adding: “My Crows and I are invincible!”


Walking around with his bible and a giant gold crucifix, dousing Holy Water to his beloved Bulldogs for protection, ever the faithful, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge beseeched: “To whom much is given, from him much will be required.”


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


“I don’t settle for second best! We will win the AFL Grand Final, you hear me boys! It’s not negotiable!” Threatened Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron to his uncultivated misfits.


Taking a more precautionary approach, Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson openly confessed: “Behind every scar, there is an untold story of survival.”




John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold took full advantage of Buck’s dilemma: “There’s talk circulating around the AFL that you could possibly head back north again and coach the Gold Coast Bums. You were known as that grizzly bear. Better than nothing mate!”


Nathan “I’m A Gonner” Buckley already in the firing line this year could only manage this incentive: “I’ve already been through hell. So I tell my boys give it your best shot.

Not only will I survive, we should probably win!”




“Look who’s laughing now? People always doubted me from the beginning of this season.

Well up yours! We will survive and we will revisit the AFL Grand Finals! So there!” Affirmed an unforgiving John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire.


Rodney “Rocket!” Eade wasn’t so sure: “I think I should be okay, I know I’m under pressure, but surely my job is saved by virtue of the Gold Coast Bum’s performance over the last month right?”




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott secret coaching formula is finally revealed, he sings this little ditty to his Cats before every game: “I’m a little smart arse fat and stout, here is my finger, here is my mouth. When I get all worked up I will shout, piss me off and I’ll knock you out!”


“I’m doing okay with the kids. I’ll be staying on, there’s still a lot of work that needs to be done.” Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan was unusually optimistic given the fact that his toothless Lions will no doubt be awarded with the raspberry prize of AFL football, the wooden spoon.


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson survivorship skills: “Don’t fear me when I’m my angry and screaming. Fear me when I’m angry and quiet because I’m plotting my revenge!”


Damian “Hardly” Hardwick, typically in La La land, scratching his head, questioning his Tigers as they could only horrifically look on: “I was going to do something, then I got distracted for 5 seconds and then I forgot again! Who are playing against this round?”












“Don’t bother playing this game son, we all know that at some point you are going to be given the flick, the vacancy in Collingmaguirewood prison doors are inviting you in.” Ross “No Longer The Boss” knew it was only a matter of time.


“So you think you’re safe, do you?” Barked Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott.

“Then again it will cost the club a bloody fortune to pay you out.

“How could you do this to them? You coward!”




Brendon “Thor!” Bolton, clearly frustrated had only this to say: “If there is no struggle, there is no progress!”


Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was noble with this statement: “My Demons are so good, they simply cannot be ignored.”


West Coast Eagles


Self assured, Adam “Go West!” Simpson declared: “You poor things, we can destroy anyone in seconds.”


“You’ve survived 100% of everything in your life so far, so there’s a pretty good chance that you will not survive whatever is next!” Ken “Kinky” Hinkley retorted.


Survival of the fittest?


For how much longer?



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Do you really want to hurt me?


Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?…Giro Numero Quindici…(Round 15)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are offering a valuable lesson for all footballers when it comes to smacking, whacking and knocking an opponent out cold.

Uproar has surfaced this week in the AFL, the use of character references from the Prime Minister himself, Malcolm “The Smiling Assassin” Turnbull and media personality and academic Waleed “Wally” Aly in Richmond’s defender – Bachar “Hooligan” Houli’s defense at the AFL Tribunal.

Bachar Houli was given a two-week suspension for his backhand hit on Carlton’s Jed “Return Of The Jedi” Lamb, a strike that left Lamb concussed and out for the remainder of the game.

Houli categorically denied striking Lamb in the head, he even declared: “It’s false, absolutely false. I’ve never hit anyone in my life.”


What transpired next is that Houli’s counsel submitted character references from the PM, via a transcript of a speech given at a function at Punt Road the following Monday and from Gold Logie winner Waleed Aly.


Former Match Review Panel member, Nathan “The Guv’nor” Burke quickly criticised the use of character references from the Prime Minister as well as the media personality saying:

“He would much prefer to see the incidents viewed and graded purely on their merit.”

This led to more bickering, another former Tribunal member, Daniel “The Dan” Harford quoting: “There is a case to suggest that if you make intentional contact with a forceful flaying arm to the head of an opponent, to knock him out cold straight away, you should be looking at six weeks.” Adding: “Somehow, we ended up with a two week ban, which is manifestly inaccurate and I have no doubt that the AFL will challenge the verdict.”


And the AFL did.


The AFL has succeeded in it’s historic first ever appeal of a Tribunal decision.

Bachar Houli was suspended for four matches on Thursday night after the AFL’s appeal against the decision of it’s own tribunal was upheld.


It really does not matter how good a player is or how they represent themselves within the wider community, it does not account how good a bloke is outside the field, it has no relevance to what he does on the field.

Quite simply, Houli made an error; therefore he needs to be disciplined appropriately within the jurisdiction of this game regardless of what happens in his day to day life.


How would these throngs define whacking to avoid another smacking from the AFL Tribunal along with the AFL administrators?






Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was in no mood for Longmire or his Swans, pointing an accusing finger, yelling out just before kick off: “Oi! Johnno! Go cry over there!”


John “Here’s Johnny” Longmire grinning viciously, shot back: “We’ll kill you with success and then bury your lot with a smile!”


Western Bulldogs


Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge seemed troubled with his Bulldogs performance as they are slipping further away from the top eight. His usual calmness diminished, cautioning his disciples the following: “Be ye therefore ready also, for the son of man cometh at an hour when ye think not.”


Adam “Go West!” Simpson contemptuously condemned: “The Eagles are professional football players, they don’t mess around, you hurt them, watch out! My boys kick balls for a living!”




Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke had nothing but praise for the Crows blistering success so far this season: “To watch my team push themselves further than they think they can, it’s a beautiful thing.”


Laughing hysterically, Brendon “Thor!” Bolton issued the following to Donald after hearing his adorations for his Crows: “Well I set my DVR for The Biggest Loser, it keeps recording Adelaide Crows games.”


Gold Coast Bums


Rodney “Rocket” Eade was flipping from one AFL rule to another, questioning his own beliefs: “When you call a ball is out but it’s actually in. Shouldn’t have said that. I should NOT have said that!”


Staring down at the blackened entrance of the abyss, the bottom of AFL ladder, Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott was brutal and quite frankly hurtful, lashing out mercilessly:

“Time to bow out, flake out, leg it, and wash your hands of this competition old man if you cannot even recall the last game your Bums played, let alone the rules!”


GWS (Geez1…Which State?)


“Just give me a ball, a field and someone to embarrass.” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron was sanguine with this particular outcome.


“Is that a fact Leo? Our code of football is still trying to teach your Barbarians and yourself how to actually play AFL football, not rugby you twat!” Retorted Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott.


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was explicit: “Listen up fellas, you don’t get what you wish for, you get what you work for!”


Damian “Hardly” Hardwick egotistically revealed: “Haters gonna hate, deflators gonna deflate.”




As the siren sounded for the commencement of the game, John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold pulled Fagan aside inquisitively: “Any of you guys know the rules?”


Curling his right hand into a tight fist ready for attack, Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan threatened: “Hurt me and you’re going to feel pain. Hurt any of my boys and you’re going to need an ambulance!”




“I’m sorry was that your face I just hit?” Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson felt the need just to whack Bucks, for no apparent reason at all.


“Nice wig Clarko. What is it made out of? Your wife’s chest hair?” Nathan “Definitely A Gonner” Buckley quipped, smacking Alistair across his head.




“Hey! Whatcha thinkin about Coach?” Questioned the Dockers to Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon as he was just kneeling down pulling grass at Domain Stadium.

“I dunno, winning and stuff.” Was all Ross could articulate?


As the football world knows it, the AFL Tribunal will be exceptionally busy before this season is well and truly over.



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