Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are trying to discover the WOW factor as the season end nears.
Approaching the end of the AFL season 2017, time to start being brutal as to whom still has the wow factor and who is sadly wipeout for this year.
Four more rounds to go, the writing is already on the walls, preparation in culling some of these sporting professionals has already begun.
Can they be saved by the wow factor, historical brilliance of their sporting achievements, or is it time to put some of this lot out of their professional misery?
It’s only a matter of time.
Lance “The Sheikh” Franklin has been charged with making unreasonable or unnecessary contact to the face of Luke “Podge” Hodge, during the first quarter on Friday night at the MCG.
Franklin can accept a $1500 sanction with an early plea.
Summary: This would have wiped out the smirk from off Buddy’s face!
Ironically, Luke “Podge” Hodge has been charged with striking Tom “Tom Thumb” Papley – Shitney Swans during the second quarter of this round match on Friday at the MCG.
Summary: Dumber and dumber if you ask us. They may be both gifted athletes, thankfully The Match Review Panel (MRP) were not wowed in any sense.
Break the rules and you’re wiped out regardless of your money and fame.
Who would have thought that Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin had his Demons would be the top eight?
Summary: Highly likely Goodwin has the force and the wow to push this club even further.
One cannot deny the horror that took place within this club at the end of last season; Karma certainly came knocking on Bradley’s door that’s for sure.
Summary: Wipeout the colours of blue and white, and instead carry the dreaded disgusting colours of black and white.
GWS (Geez! Which State?…)
Truth should be acknowledged; the youngest club within the AFL league has been consistent all year much to all our chagrin.
Summary: Toby “Boofhead” Greene may be wowing his club with his performance; he is a nut job and a complete wipeout when it comes to fair game playing.
Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon can rest easy that his dopey Dockers won’t be waving that wooden spoon…for now that is.
Summary: An in-betweener, Lyon has the ability to wow his critics yet at the same time he can be a total wipeout with his convoluted theories about this game.
Ken “Kinky” Hinkley proving his critics wrong, his Ports are still in the AFL top eight. Dammit!
Summary: Unfortunately “Kinky” has the wow factor to push his boys to the finals.
Nick “Dikileaks” Riewoldt will play the Saints’ final four matches of the season and will finish 337 matches unless St Kilda makes a miraculous finals appearance.
Summary: Riewoldt could possibly be a wipeout but in a very honourable and memorable way.
Gold Coast Bums
Gary “Gazza The Dazzler” Ablett Jnr. Is really not here or there or anywhere to be seen, more off than actually on in this particular season.
Summary: Wow with his beloved Cats, total wipeout with the Gold Coast Bums.
Fate has certainly been cruel for us Punters with this mob stuffing up our tips this year. Toothless Tigers no more.
Their successful preparation so far hasn’t done us any favours. Hmmmpff!
Summary: Wow! Damian “Hardly” Hardwick is still alive and kicking professionally.
Wipeout the Tigers are renown to have cold feet when qualifying for the finals.
Mark our words!
Patrick “Paddy” Dangerfield has been charged with engaging in rough conduct against Matthew “The Specialist” Kreuzer – Carlton during the third quarter this Saturday at the MCG.
Dangerfield can accept a one-match sanction with an early plea.
Summary: Either way play clean or Grand Final dream will be a total wipeout!
Not much can be said about Carlton this year, fielding in inexperience players, massive injury toll, lack lustered performance that frustrated not only the club but their die hard fans as well.
Summary: If the Blues slip even further from their current position on the almighty AFL ladder, Bolts along with his signature Cheshire cat grin along with his smooth talking won’t save him; it will be a wipeout in one of the most humiliating of circumstances.
Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge is a man of strength; from resurrecting this club from the brink of death is truly remarkable. A revolutionary of all things impossible made possible.
Summary: Wow! Wow! Wow! Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge is the oracle when it comes to AFL football.
John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold is truly a force to be reckoned with, the Bombers are blitzing through this season.
Summary: Wow! An incredible achievement considering that the this club was almost destroyed a couple of years ago.
Eddie “Superman” Betts has signed on an extension with the Crows until 2020, his supernatural ability to kick goals even when he’s not looking is truly phenomenal.
Summary: Like wow! Without question, Betts has metaphysical powers.
Taylor “Jailer” Adams – Collingmaguirewood has been charged with engaging in rough conduct against Rory “O’Lordy” Laird – Adelaide during the third quarter on Sunday at the MCG. Adams can accept a $1000 sanction with an early plea.
Summary: We conclude that Adams is a total wipeout along with Nathan “Sayonara” Buckley not forgetting Shitwood CEO – Gary “Puke” Pert as well.
West Coast Eagles
These fellas have been playing consistently throughout this season, Adam “Go West!” Simpson is pretty chuffed that his boys are still sitting pretty in the top eight.
Summary: The Eagles tenacity is wowing their club even without their star player Nic “Nic Nat” Natanui extended injury throughout this season.
What a shocker of a season for these lads, despite Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan first season with this club, conclusively this has been an “Annus Horriblis.”
Fagan’s head could be on the chopping block.
Summary: The raspberry prize awaits, Mr. Fagan you would definitely want to wipeout this season and wipe the slate clean and start again, that’s if you’re still standing.
Perhaps these groovy psychedelic dudes can teach this lot how to get the groove and blow their cool back into AFL football.