Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV ask who is going to fill the shoes of the Football Operations Manager’s position. They have a unique way of applying to the position too…
Between now and at the end of the year, the AFL will have a new Football Operation Manager that was vacated due the scandalous circumstances by Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean back in mid July of this year.
Expressions of interest closed last Monday for the position left vacant by the departure just over three weeks ago.
So what does the best candidate actually should be looking for?
The AFL has listed the selection criteria’s for the best candidate for the job.
- Ensuring all AFL and AWL matches are delivered according to the rules and regulations.
- Overseeing the delivery of National AFL Talent Programs to develop and support the best male and female players, coaches and umpires.
- Overseeing AFL umpires to ensure the game is well officiated.
- Leading a large high performance team including all of their portfolios.
- Player education and welfare.
- Ground operations.
- Laws of the game.
- Match Review Panel and the AFL Tribunal.
Clearly, what seems to missing in this job description for the new football boss is on-field management of this sport.
What about guiding, nurturing, overseeing the game, demonstrating a vital interest in ensuring the game remains honest and true.
This is a job for someone with a serious interest to what the game should be and who has the guts and determination to take it there.
Potential successful applicants have already submitted their CV’s hoping for the top job.
Here is a glimpse of these fellas typical distinguishing characteristics and what job they should really be applying for.
Adelaide – Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke spends most of the day looking out the window.
Brisbane – Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan is certainly not afraid of heights.
Imagine all the bottles of Windex Chris must go through!
Skyscraper Window Washer.
Carlton – Brendan “Thor!” Bolton keeps talking in other people’s sleep.
Collingmaguirewood – Nathan “Sayonara!” Buckley keeps running away from his black and white mental defective louts and keeps calling the police.
The Security Guard
Essendon – John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold still needs to iron out quite a lot of imperfections to ensure they’re smooth when you see them displayed in the stores.
Wrinkle Chaser (The Shoe Variety).
Fremantle – Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon copies and paste things on the Internet.
Geelong – Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott provides therapy for laptops abused by their human owners. IT Help Desk at Geelong Grammar.
Gold Coast Bums – Rodney “Rocket!” Eade ensures that his stupid Bums stay in the gene pool. Swimming Instructor.
GWS (Geez! Which State?…) – Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron needs to have an acute sense for this role; he can work in various industries. Leo is a veteran of this already with his thugs. Odour Judge.
Hawthorn – Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson shoots couples on their wedding day!
Melbourne – Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin houses his Demons’ in.
North Melbourne – Brad “Beam Me Way Down Below” Scott always lies with statistics.
Port Adelaide – Ken “Kinky” Hinkley has what it takes to be observant for any inconsistencies with his Ports’ within the excrement collection.
Richmond – Damian “Hardly” Hardwick is a professional amateur, always wading into areas that he hardly knows anything about.
Social Communications Researcher.
St Kilda – Alan “You Can Call Me” Richardson keeps yelling: ”Shark! Shark!…Hey wait a minute…that’s no shark!” Lifeguard at a Nude Beach.
Shitney – John “Here’s Johnny” Longmire shows up even though nobody actually called him, get paid for an answer they knew already and to a question they never asked.
West Coast Eagles – Adam “Go West!” Simpson seems to be so fly.
Western Bulldogs – Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge has the calming if not the pastoral pitch if there are any customers out there who are willing to sign up for plot B-9 today.
Telemarketer for a Cemetery.
Don’t give up your day jobs gentleman, on the hand maybe they all should!
As for us, we just don’t want to work. Nah! Nah! Nah! Not me!…Well not me!