The Pub With No Beer!…Giro Numero Ventidue…(Round 22)…

no beer

The Pub With No Beer!…Giro Numero Ventidue…(Round 22)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV question what life would be like at at Pub With No Beer… I dread to think of it…


This coming Saturday history will be created when the town of Ballarat hosts its first ever VFL/AFL game.

Situated along the Midland Highway Wendouree, an outer suburb of Ballarat, Eureka Stadium will be the venue to be used.

Luckily for the locals they are not going to be treated to a dodgy match either, far from it.

Eureka stadium was built in 1990; the stadium has been used for many events such as the North Ballarat Cricket Club, as well as the annual Athletics Carnival.

The facility today is home of the North Ballarat Football Club of the Victorian Football League.

The match lined up between the Western Bulldogs and Port Adelaide is going to be absolutely massive.

The Bulldogs must win this game in order to keep their finals fairytale alive, avoiding the sporting critics in labeling them as a one premiership wonder, inevitably turning them back into pumpkins; whereas Port Adelaide much to our indignation are aiming to hold on to the top four spot on the almighty AFL ladder.


According to the Bureau of Meteorology earlier in the week, this particular match might be affected with snow; since then the blizzard conditions has been downgraded to light showers.


Perhaps if the other AFL clubs were given the opportunity to play a game in the historical town of Ballarat, what would be their pre-match warm up?

  • Grueling training schedule to acclimatize with the freezing conditions.
  • Motivational tutorials including podcasts from their perspective clubs.
  • Dynamic lunge stretching exercises helping with strength mobility and sprinting.
  • Backward skipping.


Most definitely a mighty fine glass of lager, seeing that the season is drawing to an end, why train when you can spend the weekend away with your mates at a local watering hole right?


Raise your glasses Punters, a toast to all of the AFL senior coaches heading towards a local pub some where in the outskirts of Ballarat that will be serving no beer!





“To drink or not to drink? What a stupid bloody question!” Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke would rather have spent the weekend away with his family at a winery some where in the Adelaide hills.


Brisbane Lions


“Sorry no WI-FI. Talk to each other instead!” Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan read the sign as he nervously entered inside the pub, approaching the bar, another sign: “This pub has no beer.”




“Censosillicaphobia: The fear of an empty beer glass!” Brendon “Thor!” Bolton read out loud to the others as he picked up the pub’s signature coasters.




Reasoning with the bartender, Nathan “Hasta La Vista” Buckley pleaded: “To me drink responsibly, means don’t spill! In that case do you have any ciders?”




John ”The Other Johnny!” Longmire tried to clear up and comfort his already frustrated coaching companions soothing: “Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.”




Ross “No Longer The Boss!” Lyon unconvincingly declared: “Beer will save the world!

I don’t know how, but it will!”




“Camping with no beer, it’s just like sitting in the woods!” Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott tried to reason with the Bartender.


Gold Coast Bums


Another new kid on the block, Dean “Salmon” Solomon impresses his senior colleagues with his analogy of the golden syrup, advocating: “Beer does not make you fat! It makes you lean…against tables and walls.”


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


“I like my water with barley and hops, I’m not asking for a beer!” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron interrogated the bartender who was already threatening Leo off his premises.




“I’m trying to save your ghost town from water shortages! You would be more environmentally sufficient if you served beer inside your stupid so called pub!” Analyzed Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson.




“Absolutely no alcohol beyond this point, so stop your bloody whinging!” Yelled the bartender to Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin


North Melbourne


“Don’t cry over your spilt milk Bradley! It could have easily been your beer!” Lectured his genetic code of his twin brother – Chris.


Port Adelaide


Trying to put his case forward, Ken “Kinky” Hinkley had this theory: “Beer is the answer, I can’t remember the question.”




Elementary Damian “Hardly” Hardwick came up with the basics: “Dinosaurs had no beer. How did that work out?”


St Kilda


Poetically, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson professed: “Ashes to Ashes. Dust to Dust. When football is shit. A beer is a must!”




John “Here’s Johnny” Longmire almost started a melee inside the pub with this bold statement: “I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I’m too busy to have a beer. I don’t give a shit!”


West Coast Eagles


Adam “Go West!” Simpson teaches the philosophy of the importance of being earnest to the already fed up bartender, educating: “Education is important, but beer is even more importanter!”


Western Bulldogs


Confirming from his Holiness, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge pledged to the bartender that serving beer is not sinful preaching: “In Heaven there is no beer, that is why we are avowed to drink beer on God’s earth.”



Fine example these men would be.


Beer or no beer that is the question!












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