The Time Of Your Life!…Giro Numero Ventitré…(Round 23)…

time of your life

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV pay tribute to the many AFL retirees of 2017.

Once more here we all are at the final round of AFL season 2017.

Many of the game’s AFL greats are hanging up their boots preparing for the last goodbye either this weekend or in the finals.

The AFL classes of 2017 retirees are:


  • Adelaide – Scott “Thommo” Thompson.
  • Carlton – Dennis “Blueseum” Armfield.
  • Collingmaguirewood – Jesse “The Unit” White.
  • Essendon – Jobe “Jobe Wan” Watson.
  • Essendon – James “Kell” Kelly.
  • Essendon – Brent “Stants” Stanton.
  • Greater Western Shitney – Steve “Stevie” Johnson.
  • Hawthorn – Luke “Podge” Hodge.
  • Hawthorn – Jack “Fitzy” Fitzpatrick.
  • Hawthorn – Josh “Gibbo” Gibson.
  • Richmond – Ivan “Mullet Wig” Maric.
  • St Kilda – Nick For the last time Punters > “Dikileaks” Riewoldt.
  • St Kilda – Sean “Dempsey” Dempster.
  • West Coast Eagles – Matt “Goldilocks” Priddis.
  • West Coast Eagles – Sam “The Butler” Butler.
  • West Coast Eagles – Sam “Mitch” Mitchell.
  • Western Bulldogs – Matthew “Keith At The Kennel” Boyd.
  • Western Bulldogs – Robert “The Mail Man” Murphy.


Quite a hefty lists this year; some of these players were key figures, spiritual leaders within their clubs, in particular Robert Murphy.

Despite missing out on football’s biggest occasion the 2016 premiership due to an injury, this year’s class of retirees is quite an exceptional one with many of the game’s great are preparing to say goodbye.

Thereupon, there are many footballers that will see their top-level careers ended shortly, some not by choice.

Crucially, these retired footballers should not float around through the first year of retirement, instead have some definitive goals otherwise there will be a lot of spare time and boredom.


Boredom can quickly lead to damaging things.


In this high pressure-sporting portfolio, one must always be prepared for setting forth and setting out embracing retirement as a parting passage retreating to a brand new life of freedom.



Workhorse Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke isn’t slowing down anytime too soon:

“The trouble with retiring is that you never get a day off!”




Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan completely miffed that his Lions were dishonoured with the raspberry prize of AFL football justified: “There are some who start their retirement long before they start working.”




Indispensible Brendon “Thor!” Bolton was explicit to Carlton president – Mark “Mambo Itaiiano” LoGiudice about hiring stating the obvious: “It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.”




Unshackling the burden of Nathan “Hasta La Vista” Buckley’s presence and age, with his usual candor, Eddie “Collingmaguire” Maguire spat: “You and your teeth don’t sleep together!”




John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold viewed his future with trepidation: “If I retire everything will hurt and what doesn’t hurt won’t work.”




“Before I decide to take early retirement from my job, try staying at home for a week and watch daytime television.” Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon isn’t planning to go anywhere.




“The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income. Chris ”Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott had the Geelong administrators wrapped around his fingers.


Gold Coast Bums


Comically, new kid on the block, Dean “Salmon” Solomon laughed off their shameful 115 points defeat foolishly entertaining: “It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.”


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


Sleepy head Leon “King of Leon” Cameron confessed: “At least I won’t have to set my alarm clock for you lot anymore!”




Winning the popularity contest, Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson feared:

“The down side about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own.”




Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was optimistic: “My idea of night out is sleeping on the patio.”


North Melbourne


“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” Brad “Beam Me Down Way Below Scotty” Scott is ticking in with a fighting chance.


Port Adelaide


Smarmy Port Adelaide chairman, David “Kochie” Koch insulted Ken “Kinky” Hinkley with the following about retiring: “Getting “lucky” means you remember where you left your car in the car park!”




Damian “Hardly” Hardwick confusion may probably be his solution: “When I retire, it’s going to be bloody hard to be able to tell the difference.”


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson made no bones about his own retirement plans: “I’ll be doing what I want when I want!”




Reputation still intact, John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire does not even have to try:

“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. I already do it three or four times a day.”


West Coast Eagles


Forever young, Adam “Go West!” Simpson anticipated with horror: “I’ll end up having more hairs in my ears and nose than on my head!”


Western Bulldogs


Touching his hand sequentially on to his forehead as he made the sign of the cross, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge with his arms outstretched, clutching on to his holy bible and crucifix, drenched the Bulldogs administrators with holy water, then pontificated: “Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word.”




This has been a unforgettable ride for AFL season 2017.


It certainly did not disappoint, plenty of dramas, scandals, shame files and an end of a many splendoured era in this year’s football.


Thanks for the memories.










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