Author Archives: col

Superstition!…Giro Numero Tredici…(Round 13)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are daring into the AFL world of suspicion. Do you dare to follow in the round of 13?

Superstition

The number 13 is considered to be unlucky one to quite a number of people.

Fear of the number 13 has specifically being recognized with fear if not superstitions.

Presently, rotten luck has once more reared its ugly head for some of these clubs.

September was looking pretty rosy a few weeks back for some of these clubs including a few of the senior coaches, regrettably the AFL finals is now only a distant illusion.

Superstition the fear and notion that someone or something is sending you negative vibes could be the likely answer?

 

Is that what is really happening to some of these once upon a time affluent AFL clubs?

Devil’s won luck? Hardship? Temporary setback? Rotten luck?

 

Are these football teams trying too hard, avoiding superstition or are they in actual fact a bunch of colossal idiots giving us poor dear punters Mary Hell when it comes to tipping?

 

These fellas, they seem to think their poor performances so far is based on the number thirteen that has befallen on them and the dark cloud of superstition is certainly to blame.

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scotty dreads cats, especially the Black variety.

The black cat known characteristics is independence, willfulness and stealth.

According to Christopher, these felines are to be kept at a very long distance, as the black cat is deemed guilty of witchery in association even in AFL football.

 

Remedy: Abundant supplies of Dine – New selections gourmet delight delivered daily to his genetic code of his twin brother Bradley and the entire North Melbourne Football club.

 

St Kilda

 

Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson along with his Saints are constantly walking under or around the AFL ladder so to speak inviting bad luck and negative spirits around their club.

 

Remedy: Leave the AFL ladder alone, walk away and give some other club a go.

Much safer.

Shitney

 

Peeing on the road.

John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire has a fight on his hands.

Constantly reminding his Swans to not mark any territory before or during a game, they will all end up getting sty in their eyes.

 

Remedy: Too far gone we’re afraid, pretty sums up their abominable if not inadequate post AFL Grand Final performance. Incurable!

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley is scared out of his wits catching any of his Ports sleeping on a table.

Admittedly these boys have done this on numerous occasions during a pub-crawl, no stopping them now!

Thirteen weeks into this current season and you want to rehabilitate these misfits?

 

Remedy: We can’t think of any!

 

Carlton

 

According to Brendon “Thor!” Bolton his theory for their ups and downs this season is:

The Malocchio or the evil eye.

It’s the look that one person gives another if they are jealous or envious.

According to Italian folklore, those giving the Malocchio can cause harm to someone else.

It is just another way of putting a curse on others that can cause physical pain such as a headache, stomachache or even cause misfortune.

 

Remedy: Wear a navy blue cornetto or corno (Traditionally known as the the horn, usually made of gold) that resembles a chili pepper around your neck and chant out loud: “Vai via “Mea Colpa” Malthouse!” slamming the doors shut at Carlton Headquarters – IKON Park three times firmly in his face!

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Violation of “The Ten Commandments” is troubling Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge of late.

He has every reason to feel unsettled after their win in the 10th round and the week after his beloved Bulldogs were on a bye, thanks to the modern rules of the AFL imposed by the Administrators.

Into the following week of competition, things have not gone according to “St. Luke’s” plan; he sees the bye round as a definite curse, a desecration to this game.

 

Remedy: Walk into the AFL Headquarters – Docklands, with a megaphone.

Read the entire Ten Commandments to Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan including to his nut job football general manager Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean.

Conclusively engulfing the office in a herculean tidal wave to teach “McMoron and “Lethal Weapons” a valuable lesson about dignity, respect and recognition of the old laws of this sacred game.

 

 

Everything is superstitious, in this sporting world, the writing is on the wall and the AFL ladder is about to fall…on somebody.

 

Look out!

 

 

https://youtu.be/AjsVWSHw5fQ

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Under Pressure

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are wondering if you are all Under pressure? If so you may ease things with their annual mid year AFL report.

coaches.png

Once again, the mid season is upon us, time now to begin with the mid year report on the AFL coaching mindset.

Without a doubt this would have to be one of the most unpredictable season for quite some time as far as game playing is concerned, flip the other side of the coin, the benchmark in pointing the comparison with the coaching outlook has been dealt with heavy scrutiny.

In particular with some notable coaches and their clubs, unless they can get their teams to succeed in doing what the club wants them to achieve, win some games.

The 2017 season is shaping up to be as a make or break one for a number of AFL sides and their coaches.

 

The curse and the torment of the mid season, before too long someone will eventually feel anxious, stress and unwillingly due to pressure will have to call it a day.

 

Who will be facing the AFL guillotine?

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good! Pyke is proving to be a formidable operator with his Crows, highly likely they will revisit the finals in September…again!

Looks as though the big kahuna has already charted his geographical map into the finals.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 9.5/10 – Guts and stamina.

 

Brisbane

 

Seeing that this is Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan’s first season as their senior coach, at this stage whatever wins will be a positive one, let’s just give him time to sculpt his Lions into a more competitive side.

Don’t bother with bootless errands or you will be literally torn to shreds.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 3.5/10 – Snail Trailing.

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton is still relatively new to the role who is fielding an inexperienced list; he needs to win more games unless he wants to end up like his predecessor – “Mea Colpa” Malthouse.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5/10 – Growth -Too much yapping will send these boys packing.

 

Collingmaguirewood

 

Since Nathan “I’m Gonna Be Sacked Sooner Rather Than Later” Buckley tenure as the senior coach, beyond question is his survival has been much to speculate and is under pressure more than any other senior coach in the league.

Clearly admired by his administrators and his players, but will that be enough?

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 1/10 – Unwanted. Believe the truth Bucks!

 

Essendon

 

Not much has happened since John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold has come on board.

Give him due credit, he had to take steps in moving this club forward after a tumultuous four long years of extreme hardship.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6/10 – Forget and Respect.

 

Fremantle

 

Ross “ No Longer The Boss” Lyon maintains to develop and produce young recruits, but he still seems to rely heavily on the older players leading to massive defeats.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 2.5/10 – Asininity and stupidity.

 

Geelong

 

After a slow start, Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott has surprised quite a few with their winning formula. Can he take the Cats to the finals? Another flag?

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 7.5/10 – Cool for Cats.

 

Gold Coast Bums

 

Cursed by injuries and the desertion of several key players, Rodney “Rocket” Eade’s contract expires at the end of this season; he needs to finish this season off on a high.

Can he do it?

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 4.5/10 – Stubborn.

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?)

 

Leon “King of Leon” Cameron has been sanctified with the AFL’S current list.

The ladder leading Giants are a premiership favourite midway through the season.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 8/10 – No fear.

 

Hawthorn

 

Considered one of the best Coaches of the modern era, the Hawks are at crossroads.

Contracted through 2019, Clarko needs to stop thinking that the football world owes him a living.

AFL football and his club were here first!

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 3/10 – End of an era?

 

Melbourne

 

Still finding his feet, Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin and the Demons are desperate to see their side in the finals. If not, Goodwin will probably be blamed for another missed opportunity.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.5/10 – Uncertain if not unsettled.

 

 

 

 

 

North Melbourne

 

Committed to rebuild and restore the club after sending off Brent “Legend” Harvey and several other players last season much to all our disgust, Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott is determined to focus on still being competitive, regardless of his critics.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.o/10 – Ruthlessly vindictive.

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley will be off contract at the end of this year, anything short of the finals will leave him vulnerable and unsafe.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.5/10 – Facetious.

 

Richmond

 

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick has turned his fortunes around; only recently Damo admitted that he was nearly sacked last year. Contracted through next year, he will surely get an extension.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5/10 – Bold.

 

St Kilda

 

Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson is incredibly lucky that he still has Nick “Dikileaks” Riewoldt in the team, so far so good.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6.5/10 – Fortune favours the brave.

 

Shitney

 

John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire along with his unsteady crew will have to sail a very long journey if they want to revisit the finals this year.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 4/10 – Twelve weeks in a leaky boat.

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson took the Eagles to a grand final in 2015 remember?

Not sure if he can pull this one through. Still finding their form.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6.0/10 – Temperamental. One week they’re hot and the next they’re cold.

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge is locked in until the end of 2020 after last year’s premiership.

A brilliant negotiator, mentor as well as being admired and esteemed by the wider football community and beyond.

 

Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 10/10 – Immortal.

 

 

Under-pressure?

 

Run with the ball or you will fall.

 

 

https://youtu.be/YoDh_gHDvkk

 

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Embarrassment!…Giro Numero Undici…(Round 11)….

EMBARRASSMENT

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are feeling a touch embarrassed about their DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP prowess this season..are you feeling the same?

Have you ever felt embarrassed?

  • Singing with your headphones, not realizing how loud you are.
  • That embarrassing moment when you need to do a silent fart, suddenly a sneeze comes that makes you fart out loud. (Come on you lot! Fess up!)
  • Awkward moment when you’re talking about someone and that person is standing right behind you.
  • When you get mad at someone and you slam the door then realized you forgot something so you have to go back.
  • Looking at something else then walk into a tree or pole and everyone stares at you.
  • Waving at someone you think you know but you actually don’t.
  • Typing out a text or email in a rush and sending it to the wrong person.

 

We all know that feeling of discomfort, self-consciousness, shame and uneasiness.

 

In particular sports is at it’s finest when the performances are executed with precision and perfection, which is why awkward and embarrassing moments in any sports seems so jarring.

It just doesn’t feel right.

Sports builds character, while other argues it reveals character. The truth is that sport is filled with characters, some sketchy, others reckless and still others bizarre.

We love watching sports for the triumphs, but also for the failures including the personal imperfection.

 

Progressing on to the eleventh round in this rampaging if not an unpredictable 2017 AFL season. The blemishes are beginning to surface, blotches of paranoia, discolouration of self-doubt, speckles of a setback, and the unavoidable breakouts of gloom.

 

Should any of these teams be compelled to feel apologetic, crushed, embarrassed, hesitant, regretful or offensively with egg on their face?

 

Currently the state of wonder is certainly one for the books.

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was on a roll, taking full advantage of Clarkson’s descending spiral with his flightless Hawks: “Hey Clarko! Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will never regret about your wingless Doves.”

Astonishingly withholding his anger, with ease, Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson replied: “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his pathetic fools.”

 

 

 

 

 

Adelaide

 

Infuriated that his revered Crows most likely will be knocked off the top spot, Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke without reserve bluntly humiliated the following: “Christopher, just because you don’t get it, doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you actually are.”

“Yeah Donald be that as it may, the difference between stupidity and genius, is that genius has its limits.” Disgraced Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott.

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Munching on an apple, Adam “Go West!” Simpson gave the low-down of his intention to Rodney: “An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough!”

Unfazed by Adam’s cheap shot Rodney “Rocket” Eade eloquently observed: “Well Simpson, you are definitely on the spectrum of socially awkward.”

 

GWS (Geez!…Which State?)

 

Pleased as punch that Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron along with his misfits has the inconceivable misfortune in sitting at Numero Uno on the almighty AFL ladder, audaciously Leon bit: “You know Johnno, I’m not saying we’re perfect, in fact my boys and I know that we are and we’re worth it.” Egotistically adding much to Worsfold chagrin: “It’s embarrassing to be stars.”

“I wish Leo you were fluent in silence!” John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold was evidently flustered with GWS phenomenal performance so far.

 

North Melbourne

 

Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott telling it like it is to Hardwick about his Kangaroos substandard performance of late conceding: “I’m easily embarrassed, that means I am more trustworthy, loyal, honest and generous as a person.”

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick was not even entertained by this admission, repelling with this fast knock down: “Being sarcastic on a regular basis can add 3 years to your life Bradley, praise and flattery about yourself will shorten your life.”

 

Fremantle

 

Still coming to terms with the disgraceful defeat last round of Ahem!…100 points!

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon unrealistically justified: “It’s only embarrassing if you cared what other people think.”

Bewildered by Lyon’s shortsighted standpoint, Nathan “Sooner Or Later I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley without reserve confessed: “I’ve been embarrassing myself publicly for over 20 years. Why should I stop now?”

 

Is this all a faux pas or failure to perform a duty if not a moral contractual obligation?

 

Unseemly the temporal length of this game will soon be revealed.

 

 

https://youtu.be/P23Gqn6y8AI

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Hit And Run!…Giro Numero Dieci…(Round 9)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV have consulted Maltese Rockstar Joe Camilleri to find out about the HIT AND RUN that has the AFL heavyweights with their jumpers in a twist because of the AFL Jumper punches.

JUMPER PUNCH

Here we go again…

If it is not sledging one week, we now have the controversial jumper punches swooping in from the economical offices of the AFL boss – Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan and his football general manager Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean.

At the same time, the duo’s insight have not introduced the new rule as such, they have ordered that the punishments be strengthened when unruly and grumpy jumpers take it upon themselves to punch the stomachs, chins, jaws of other players.

 

“Lethal Weapons” commented on Tuesday: “My view is that I don’t like the current practice of on-field punches by players. I am strong on that view.

“As of this weekend’s matches, players and clubs are on notice that we don’t tolerate it. Adding: “The MRP (Match Review Panel) is well aware of my views and the views of the AFL on this. I also don’t believe we need to make any changes to the rules or the guidelines for the MRP to implement our views.”

 

To be fair, the MRP were not aware of this new recommendation and the mind-set of the AFL, perhaps even if they were, then the football general manager is a complete idiot.

Obviously, “Lethal Weapons” aspect in glimpsing the look including the outlook in this perspective picture, in prospecting the scene, sight, vision and the ways of this marvelous game we all love, is his reason to apply the rules with logic and clarity?

The maddening question is why has it taken the AFL such a long time to see the jumper punch for what it is?

If we were to deconstruct this code of football or any game for one miniscule detail, then the game will recede very quickly, diminishing everything from it that makes this sport so unique.

 

On that note, Dear Punters, being traditionalists that we all are, any administrators, senior coaches and players you would like to jumper punch or punch?

 

Geelong

 

Establishing the Cats winning formula, Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott was blunt: “People say everything happens for a reason”.

“So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.”

Giving Chris the kiss of death, Ken “Kinky” Hinkley fated: “If you got punched every time you lied Christopher, you’d be dead!”

 

Shitney

 

“Ignoring you is the easiest way from punching you.” John “Here’s Johnny! Longmire cursed to Clarko.

Clutching his right hand into a tight fist, Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson threatened: “There’s something about your ugly mug that makes me want to punch you in the face right now!”

Western Bulldogs

 

Ever the faithful prophet, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge avowed to Richardson before the game: “Who is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.”

“Sure Luke, you seem to always have a plan until you actually get punched in the mouth!” Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson growled, storming off towards his treasured Saints.

 

Melbourne

 

Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was sick to his back teeth hearing Eade continuously gloating on about the Gold Coast Bums recent trip to Shanghai a couple of weeks back, intimidating:

“I will hit you so hard, even Google won’t be able find you! Bloody windbag!”

Rodney “Rocket” Eade wasn’t even bothered with Goodwins’ disrespect towards him, validating: “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

 

Essendon

 

Pinching his left index finger and thumb together, John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold is livid after reading recently through social media about Hardwick’s “Clouded” interpretation on the new jumper gut punches.

“You’re THIS CLOSE in getting your throat punched Damo!

“You just can’t seem to keep that fat trap of yours shut! Since when did you become our spokesperson you flippant tool!”

“Keep your head high Jonathan and I’ll keep raising my middle finger towards you even higher.” Damian “Hardly” Hardwick pompously swaggered passed Worsfold giggling almost resembling “The Prince Regent” from The Black Adder.

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke dispatched the following message to Ross: “I may look calm, but in my head I’ve already punched you in the face three times.”

“A penny for your thoughts seems a little pricey Donald!” Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon ridiculed.

 

Brisbane

 

Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan loathed the mere fact of his delicate Cubs playing against the beastly Pies, lamenting: “Bucks just needs a high five…in the face…with a chair!”

Torturing Fagan even further as the Lions are still listless on the almighty AFL ladder, Nathan “Sooner Or Later I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley oppressed: “The AFL needs your club like water in my lungs.”

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton could smell Brad “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott and his Kangaroos from a mile away, pinching his nose, Bolts revealed: “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who needs it most never uses it.”

Fuming, Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scotty challenged: “Despite medical advances, there is no known cure for someone who needs a punch in the face, except for an actual punch in the face!”

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?)

 

“I’m not trying to hit you or throw you in the nearest garbage tip Adam, I just want this game to mine.” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron petitioned.

Laughing hysterically, Adam “ Go West!” Simpson heckled: “Threats are the last resort from a man with absolutely no vocabulary.”

 

In that case, I suppose we gotta keep putting a boot in, running, hiding, cause it’s gonna get to you.

 

.

https://youtu.be/BPWid-0JVtQ

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

The Art Of Sledging…Giro Numero Nove…(Round 9)…

SLEDGE

Following on from the round of Sledging last week, Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV have put their slant on the sledging issue:

Something must be horribly wrong while you are watching a football match with your family members including friends, out of nowhere the tension on the playing field has reached at boiling point.

The Murphy-Carlisle exchange included a comment about drug use additionally a comment about Marc “Il Capitano” Murphy’s wife Jessie.

In the end, after St Kilda admitted its shortcomings, the football club was criticized for its lack of a sincere apology.

Perhaps the Saints should have made Carlisle apologize, but, no, instead Carlisle did one better, he got on to social media, something he ought to avoid and tweeted in which he called Murphy a whinger.

Jake “Coward” Carlisle has to tread carefully, he’s at his second club and just nine games into his new career, no doubt he has already brought wide condemnation on the club.

That tweet which came after between his club and Murphy’s club would have to be the dumbest act a football player has committed on social media.

 

As for the AFL, they also took a hammering.

The AFL sets the rules. But the players themselves, through their AFLPA have the opportunity to set their own code of workplace etiquette and standards.

The AFL, their silence this week, after one of the nastiest verbal attacks in recent history, was deafening.

 

Clearly, the saying stick and stones is no longer applicable in any area of society.

 

Here is some classic sledging in the seasons that has gone by.

 

“Do we get four points for this win or do we just get two?” – Geelong – Andrew Mackie asked this to his team mates during a big win against North Melbourne, alluding to the fact that it might have been too easy to warrant getting the full four points.

 

“Get me a footy record, I want to find out who this kid is.” – North Melbourne – Wayne Carey would often ask trainers this question in front of any new player he would come up against.

 

“Who are you? Stop playing mate, you’re no good.” – Collingwood – Dane Swan has been known to use this on his opponents.

 

“It’s because I’ve been carrying you guys for five years – Carlton – Chris Judd said this in response to former Eagle Brett Jones having a go at Judd’s excessive shoulder tape in his first game against his old club.

 

“If you’re still on me at half time I’ll give you $100 – Carlton – Brendan Fevola to Essendon’s Michael Hurley.

“I’ve got more premierships than you’ve played games.” – Geelong – Steve Johnson to GWS player in the club’s first season in the League.

 

“Mate are you old enough to have pubes yet?” – Shitney’s – Big bad Barry Hall to Brisbane’s Jack Redden.

 

“Are you going to use the same bowl you use when you get your hair cut?” – Essendon’s – Mark McVeigh said this to Brisbane legend Jonathan Brown in response to Brown telling him he was going to eat him.

 

“They both sleep with the light on and in bunk beds.” – Brisbane – Martin Pike about the Wakelin twins.

 

Finally the best of the rest belongs to the one and only…

 

Drumroll…

 

“Try that again, and you won’t see the sun go down!” St Kilda colossus Tony “Plugga” Lockett to Adelaide defender Nigel Smart after getting some close attention. This was almost a threat as much as a sledge.

 

We are please to confirm that Smart didn’t try it again, and he got to see the sun go down that night.

 

A trip to memory lane, anyone recalls this infamous stoush on AFL Grand Final Day in 2004?

 

 

https://youtu.be/NAJBqyyrgm4

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Hitchhikers’ Guide To Shanghai…Giro Numero Otto …(Round 8)…

Shanghai

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are taking us on a Hitch hikers guide to Shangai…

An historic event will take place this weekend for Australian Rules football.

Specifically this is the AFL’s Chinese expedition in their hope to capture a slice of China’s lucrative sports market.

Port Adelaide and the Gold Coast Bums will clash this Sunday at “Jiangwan” Sports Stadium in Shanghai.

Sporting media have reported that both teams have already started their preparations, while more than 5,000 fans have descended on Shanghai ahead of the clash between Port Adelaide and the Gold Coast Bums with the stadium’s 10,000 seats already sold out, those lucky enough to witness this consequential if not momentous event.

On Sunday Port Adelaide will reveal their new sponsor, as part of their windfall Chinese-linked sponsorship deals that the club says has been a two-year negotiating process in the making.

AFL executive Travis “Trav” Auld announced that the game would be broadcast live on China’s state media channel CCTV.

This gives the game the potential to be the most watched game in the history of this code.

 

This is the match that we all seem to be talking about.

 

Interestingly enough, these senior club coaches were not short of their own opinions about the journey across the sea.

 

Here are some of their thoughts.

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson envious of this missed opportunity grumbling: “Adventure, yeah, I guess that’s what you call when you come back alive.”

 

Making the sign of the cross, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge vowed: “He who travels happy must travel light.”

 

Hawthorn

 

Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson was defiant: “The first condition of understanding a foreign country is to smell it.”

 

Annoyed, Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan instructed: “Stop worrying about the potholes on the road and enjoy the journey.”

 

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton joked to his Blue boys: “What travels around the world but stay in one corner? A stamp.”

 

Self-satisfied, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson barked: “How about a stamp on your forehead to destination nowhere!”

 

GWS (Geez!…Which State?)

 

Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron cautioned: “Life is not a fairytale boys, if you lose your shoes at midnight, you’re drunk!”

 

Beaten and exhausted, Nathan “Sure As Hell I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley confessed: “If you are going through hell, keep going.”

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scotty did not want to jeopardized his Cats with potential breathing difficulties: “Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”

 

John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold warned: “Be advised, there is no parking in Shanghai.”

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke had some concerns, questioning: “How is it that the first piece of luggage on the airport carousel never belongs to anyone?”

 

Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin adding: “The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”

 

Fremantle

 

Resentful Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon griped: “Never trust anything you read in a travel magazine.”

 

Navigating a possible trip to who knows where, Damien “Hardly” Hardwick was en-route:

“I haven’t been everywhere, but it’s on my list!”

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley had it all mapped out: “We are all time travelers at the speed of 60 minutes per hour.”

 

Rodney “Rocket!” Eade has already had a gutful stating: “It’s easier to find a traveling companion than get rid of one!”

 

North Melbourne

 

Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott had a theory: There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane. Either you have diarrhea or you are anxious to meet people who do.”

 

“Bradley, your seats have been secured at the back of a bus to an unspecified place, that is how you will be feeling when this game is over.” Laughed John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire.

 

 

Remember folks, travel safely, and don’t leave home without them!

 

 

https://youtu.be/haG3TQclggo

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized

Can’t Touch This!…Giro Numero Sette…(Round 7)…

eddy

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are wondering if anyone in the AFL are untouchable…You can’t touch this…

The seventh round itch has appeared imposingly, unwillingly brewing uncertainty in all of us.

Just when you think you have got this game let alone this season figured out, complaints begin to emerge, collectively protesting about the littlest of things.

The decline in a sporting relationship is unexpectedly irritating and incredibly itchy, just like the mites living under your skin that are increasingly difficult to get rid of.

Dangerously, this is where the anti-social behaviour creeps in, the flying accusations, blame game, denunciation and finally isolation.

It’s only round seven of the AFL season; already a number of teams are facing season defining matches.

The last eight on the almighty AFL ladder are now finding their forms, whereas the top eight have somehow lost theirs.

Notable senior sporting coaches and administrators retains this absurd ideology that they are beyond reach, invincible and indestructible.

 

Exemption is no longer an exception.

 

As the AFL weeks breeze by, the willingness to endure and withstand hardship will no doubt ultimately have an expiry date.

 

GWS (Geez!…Which State?)

 

Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron was explicit to Alan and his Saints: “In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.”

Unaffected, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson established: “Even a fool knows you can’t touch the stars, but it won’t keep the wise from trying.”

 

Adelaide

 

“You or your boys can’t touch anything without destroying it!” Don “Is Don…Is Good.” Pyke was in no mood for Brad or his Kangaroos.

“Being a dick; won’t make yours any bigger Donald!” Abused Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott.

 

Carlton

 

Placing a sympathetic arm around Nathan’s shoulder, Brendon “Thor!” Bolton was intent in dismantling Collingmaguirewood’s 125th anniversary celebrations this weekend.

Grinning like a Cheshire cat, Bolts asserted the following: “Hey Bucks, might as well flick that second bird from off your club’s 125th anniversary emblem mate!”

Angrily shoving Brendon against the wall, Nathan “Sure As Hell I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley screamed: “Don’t touch me you peasant!”

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was convinced home territory is a definite victory for his Ports instructing Adam: “You couldn’t handle me even if I came with instructions”.

Expressing his usual tenderness, Adam “Go West!” Simpson” educated: “Oh sure Kenneth, you’re Street smart, Sesame Street smart.”

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott apathy towards the Bum’s home ground Metricon “Intergalactic Stadium Of Planet Has Beens” Stadium stating the obvious: “Listen up Rodney, let’s agree to disagree because this place, your Bums including yourself are too stupid to even understand me.”

Gutsy Rodney “Rocket” Eade the well-versed veteran wasn’t even bothered delivered:

“It doesn’t matter how big my hammer is Christopher, because I can’t even knock common sense in to stupid people like yourself and your kittens.

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Admiring his cherished Bulldogs during their training session, fighting back tears, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge pledged: “My dear followers, we’ve got to pray just to make it through today. Just remember boys, faith does not make things easy, it makes them possible.”

Damien “Hardly” Hardwick wasn’t buying it: “Your words mean nothing when your actions are the complete opposite. Can’t touch this! “ Damo pointing out to his charlatans.

 

Brisbane Lions

 

Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan added more anguish to Longmire’s trouble vexing: “Hey Johnny! We should call this match the Chris and Lions show. What sort of chair do you think I should have?”

“One we can plug in!” Snapped John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire.

 

Melbourne

 

Talking to his Demons, Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was on a roll: “We need a rapid interface in the chin-wag department. I understand Alistair is…sacked!”

“He told you?” Brett “Rats” Ratten was clearly devastated.

“Nah! I read the graffiti in the lift” Laughed Goodwin.

 

Essendon

 

John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold mathematically calculated this match to his baffled Bombers: “Not everything counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted, counts.”

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon subtracted: “John, if you can’t explain it simply to your Bombers, then you don’t understand this game at all.”

 

 

Nobody is sacred.

 

Everyone within the football fraternity is imperiled, can’t touch this?

 

Just wait and see.

 

 

https://youtu.be/otCpCn0l4Wo

 

 

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Uncategorized