Category Archives: Geelong

More on the Collingwood overload

Herald Sun Tuesday Feb 28 2012.

*Collingwood mentioned on the front page.

*Half page spread on the back page about a Collingwood player with possible mental issues.

*Quater page mention on back page about Travis Cloke.

*Second page from the back 3/4 page article on how Travis Cloke has not received an offer from Greater Western Sydney. (tipsmaster’s note: This is also the case for about 635 other league players and me. What is so special about the Collingwood bloke not receiving an offer? On this theory, you could write an article about Dale Thomas not being considered for the Prime Minister’s job)

*Also on this page, a follow up report of Sooky, Sooky Collingwood’s whinging about the Dees poaching their staff – sooky, sooky McGuire has threatened to pocket the spoils of the Queens Birthday clash if the Dees don’t back off!…what a sook…

*4th page from the back – a 1/4 page spread of Andrew Krakouer and his health fears.

*Same page about Collingwood’s young Kirk Ugle (the bloke with the household name) who wants to be given a game since Collingwood are riddled with injury.


I counted 9 Collingwood articles I could find (without even trying) in the sports section of the Herald sun on a day in the cricket season when Cricket’s Night of Nights awarded Michael Clarke the ALAN BORDER MEDAL. Cricket was allowed no mention on the front page, a mere photo on the back page and a full report 4 pages from the back.


All other AFL clubs combined amassed a total of 4 articles, one of Geelong (of which Collingwood got a mention), one of Greater Western Sydney’s Israel Folau (of which Collingwood got a mention), one about a comment from Hawthorn’s Alistair Clarkson, and one from Brad (I have the biggest face in footy) Ebert.


My advise to the sports editor of the Herald Sun. Stop writing about Collingwood because no one is interested and the ones who are can’t read anyway.

Photo’s courtesy of and



Filed under Collingwood, dale thomas, Dees, editorials, Geelong, GWS, Hawthorn, Ridiclous commentsf from sooky, sooky Collingwood supporters

No more Collingwood!

A sure sign that footy is back is the repeated bulltish overload of the Collingwood football club in our newspapers.

On one day alone, (Herald Sun Friday Feb 24), I learnt that Melbourne are poaching some of Collingwood’s coaching staff and the poor old sooky, sooky Magpies are unhappy about it.

Woopity doot!

This piece of sports journalistic dribble should have been worthy of say a small column a few pages from the back page, but since it involved Collingwood, the ‘scoop’ was awarded the prime real estate position of a full spread on the back page where the real big sports stories should prevail. I might add, the story went under the misleading heading of ‘DEES RAID PIES’ which attracts the reader to the story to find out what darstadly deeds the Demons have been bestowing on the sooky, sooky Magpies. To read the story and find out that the raid was to poach such household names as Jason Taylor, Collingwood’s recruiting assistant…’ASSISTANT’! This followed on from the Dees poaching that famous sports physiotherapist, Gary Nicholls and assistant coach Leigh Brown.

I also learned that:

Dane Swan thinks he will return to Arizona mid year,

Travis Cloke is on top of the Free Agents wish list,

Phil Carmen is providing AFL players with legal, educational, investment, career and media advise,

Eddie McGuire is on a fitness kick,

Dayne Beams gave evidence in court,

and Dane Swann wants to get a tattoo in his ear…

I discovered all of this important information all before I reached the ’50/50 column!’

Today I open Sunday’s Herald Sun (which in my opinion is no more than a gossipy weekend magazine, tracing the movements of  Kylie, Lara and Kerry-Anne) to find another Collingwood overload on a weekend where they didn’t even play a semi serious match!

Did you know that Dane Swann and Dale Thomas went to Bali over the off season? I know because the Sunday Herald Sun wrote a scoop on it…

A full middle page spread of the over rated Nick Maxwell telling the world how only a premiership is good enough for his club. Isn’t that the situation with most clubs? He was also having a sooky about how Geelong were picking on him in the Grand Final.


I regret the fact that I am contributing to the Collingwoodfest with my post here but I had to get it off my chest. It’s gunna be another long year if this Collingwood hysteria is precedent of things to come.

Fortunately Julia Gillard attended a Bulldogs practice match this weekend so we may get to read something about Poor ol’ Footscray on Monday!


Filed under Collingwood, dale thomas, Dees, editorials, footscray, Geelong, Poor ol' Footscray, Ridiclous commentsf from sooky, sooky Collingwood supporters

What Becomes of the BrokenHearted An ode to all Collingmaguirevomitshitwood world

As I walked the MCG of broken dreams,
I have visions of my losing team
Magpies happiness is just an illusion
Filled with anger and confusion
What becomes of the brokenhearted
Now Malty has just departed
Magpies have got to find, some kind of piece of mind, baby. (wail out loud to "Bogans" Geelong fans)
What becomes of the fainthearted
Who have thought that Magpies faltered
Cats have already found
Winning has made them jolly proud, baby {No need for Bogan's here folks!)
The roots of hatred keeps growing all round
But for Magpies they come crashing down
Every day Malty heads pounds a even stronger (always stronger)
I can't stand the Cats reign any longer
Magpies supporters walk in shadows looking for a fight
Cold and alone, no Cats supporters to fight
Hoping and praying that Malty/Bucks cares
Always moving and getting nowhere
What becomes of the brokenhearted
Now that Bucks has just only started
We have got to really find
Some body's head to surely grind, baby (Cats supporters all together now "Bogans")
Malty/Bucks have not conceded
For some answers are quickly needed
Oh the Cats they are bloody grinning
All now that is really left is that unhappy ending and no beginning.
Now what becomes of the Magpies heart ache
We have lost and Malty has really departed
Maguire has surely got to find 
Some players to kick and grind
For his Magpies fans piece of mind
Eddie's searching everywhere
Just to find a player to square
He'll be looking every day
Miles, kilometers away
Nothing is going to stop him now
Eddie/Malty/Bucks will find a way some how, baby (Geelong city sing! "sore losers!" ) Oooohhhhh......

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Filed under Byrd, Collingwood, Geelong




All Associated with The Geelong Football Club would like to thank and acknowledge all participants of the AFL and associated affiliations for their contribution towards the 2009 AFL Season for without this the season just would not have been such a wonderful one. Most notably THANKYOU:
Thankyou St Kilda

** For being so wise to play “Muppets” R Clarke, McQuallter and Zac Dawson. Would not get a game for Deniliquin 4ths in Old Ammo’s. Anymore “specials” for 2010??
** For forgetting Steve Milne has a heart the size of a pea and only looks good against Port, Freo and Melb. Love a choker in big games.
** Unable to understand difference between a good player and a champion. NOTE Nick Reiwoldt is a Good Player – not a champion. A champion:
– Kicks goals after siren to win games ( Stk v Ess ).
– Plays well on the BIG STAGE – Harry Taylor smashed him.
– Wins a Brownlow in a GF winning year.
** Rod Butters for negotiating the Ethiad deal for StK in 2003 as we like StKilda playing 12 games year under a closed roof – nice and warm, flat firm grassy ground, no rain to get the hair wet or ruin the fake tan. Note – BIG FINALS are played in open with wind / breeze, rain, sun – it is called the MCG.

Thankyou Collingwood

** Supporters for saying all August ” Can not wait to get Geelong in Finals as they are soft…”
** For thinking they are better than they really are – very average football team.
** For providing a great entree to 2009 when they lost the Night GF as part of a Geelong Feb training drill.
** Having faith in Medhurst, Anthony, Rocca, Davis and Didak – Shannon Byrnes had more stats in 09 finals series than these five tragics combined.
** For not taking “Stevie J” with a second round draft pick in 2006 – THANKYOU.
** Providing great TV for all watching Eddie and family sink into their seats during second half Prel smashing they received. BEETROOT HEADED BUFFOON.

Thankyou Bulldogs

** Scott Clayton – imagine if you had selected Buddy at #3 and not the cry baby Ryan Griffen ???? You would now have your full forward and who knows ??? Thankyou Scott.

Thankyou Adelaide

** Allowing Coll to beat you by 2 points in final at G as it merely elevated their internal self opinion prior to meeting Cats in Prelim final.

Thankyou Brisbane

** Thankyou for allowing Carlton to get 30 points up in last quarter on an otherwise dreary Sat night, only to them go bang, bang, bang and leave them stranded as LOSERS. One of the best Sat night movies have watched in years.

Thankyou Carlton

** “They know We are Coming” …still waiting.
** One player does not make a team – keep playing Cloke, Fev, Bentick and Stevens – puts a smile on all our faces.
** Thinking playing Fev will get you a flag. More chance with Barb from the cheer squad.

Thankyou Essendon

** For putting Haw in their rightful place – out of the eight in R22. Memories of “Sooky Jeff Kennett” in the stand with hands on head will linger for many years to come.
** Providing a memorable Anzac Day for those enjoying a day of relax – beating Coll feral in last minute – thankyou.
** For not imposing too much pressure on Adel in final One. This meant Adel were fresh to play Coll and stretch them so they were spent before Prelim final.

Thankyou Hawthorn

** For being the most arrogant, self centred, rude, self indulgent Premiership Team the AFL has ever witnessed.
** Jeff Kennett for having the audacity to question Geelong’s “Mental Fragility” in March 2009 – not bad for a team who can not even make the eight as defending premier.
** For having the nastiest and most aggressive little “runt” of a coach – wonder why Todd Viney and Hardwick left with more to follow.
** For thinking Buddy and Roughead would take too glory again – understand two players do not make a team.
** For playing fat / overweight / unfit “Porky Pig” – Stu “give me a tub of pasta and ice-cream” Dew. Really Clarko…
** For being so gracious and accepting of Buddy suspension for smashing of Cousins in R21 – karma boys re Ess game one week later.
** For the continuous squealing re injuries – Geelong were lucky they had no injuries in 2009 !!!!!

Thankyou North Melbourne

** Leigh Colbert…draft picks resulting in Corey Enright and Cam Mooney. Sometimes it pays to be loyal hey Leigh ???? Cam may send you a photo of the Cup if you’re lucky. If not – join the queue.

Thankyou Richmond

** Thankyou for Brad Ottens and the annual 8 premiership points.

Thankyou Melbourne

** For giving StKilda a nice “feel” round 22 of the MCG.
** For giving Geelong pick 8 for Brent Maloney in 2006 – resulted in Brad Ottens arrival to Cattery.
** Clint Bizzell for pick 17 – James Kelly to Cattery.

Thankyou Freo, West Cost, Syd and Port

** Thankyou for the frequent flier points – will come in handy end of season trips.


** Grant ” I am not jealous” Thomas – every Monday Night 10pm Footy Classifieds you built up St Kilda all year – teamwork, determination, spirit, skill….always said you could never coach you overrated whale.
** Jeff Kennett – where is your poofy Brown and Yellow jacket now ????
** Shayne Crawford – for each week on Footy Show just continually reminding us all what a real dickhead you are always are and were – weak for not playing 2010.
** Joffa – did not see you much in finals – oh forgot…Coll have to win a final for you to wear the Gold Jacket.
** Carlton, Melbourne, North, Essendon, Port, Freo – for letting Joel Selwwod slip through to pick #7 2006 draft.

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Filed under Geelong, Humour, Legend

BAD FOOTY CARDS – episode 8

Bad Footy Cards – episode 8


Michael Turner




Both gave me childhood nightmares.

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Filed under bad footy cards, Geelong, Humour