Category Archives: kangaroos

Chux Superwipes


Fair dinkum tipsters, I am sick to death of picking the Chux Superwipes North Melbourne Football team.

I have not picked them right once this year and I’ve had a gutful of them.

They can go and wipe their dumb arse tears with their dumb arse Chux Superwipes Away Strip for all I care.



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Filed under kangaroos

Aunty Jack – is that you?

A caller to talkback radio 3AW this morning made me chuckle when he referred to Chris Judd as ‘AUNTY JACK’ the classic Aussie comedian from the early ’70’s – an obese, moustachioed, gravel-voiced transvestite, part trucker and part pantomime dame — who habitually solved any problem by knocking people unconscious or threatening to ‘rip their bloody arms off…’ (Wikipedia)

Chris Judd’s defence in the chicken wing incident was that he was trying to prevent North Melbourne’s Leigh Adams from handballing. The talkback caller suggested that Judd was actually trying to prevent Adams from ever handballing again!

Just a bit of ‘armless fun to start my Friday.



Filed under carlton, Humour, Judd, kangaroos

Welcome to my hobby horse.

Those of you who know me, will know that I justifiably indulge you with this one each year.

With the Essendon v Collingwood ANZAC DAY clash due in a couple of weeks, where the match is guaranteed to a receive gate of a conservative crowd of about 80,000, there is bound to be a club in the AFL who bleats about how unfair it is that they are not allowed to play on ANZAC DAY.

Every year, that poor ol’ bleating club is Poor ol’ Footscray.

Prepare yourselves in coming weeks for the outburst from P.O.F about how they are deprived from playing in block buster games and why they should be given the chance on the big stage.

Well let’s have a look at the last blockbuster Poor ol’ Footscray were in, as recently as one week ago, round 3 – 2010. (The year Poor ol’ Footscray are gunna win the premiership…again).

What more of a blockbuster game do Poor ol’ Footscray need than to play another “Premiers of 2010 team”, the Wee and Poo Hawthorn team? Both teams are up the business end of the ladder, yet this blockbuster game only attracted 35,600 spectators in a 51,000 capacity stadium.

Let’s look at this closely. 35,600 fans would fit in to Windy Hill in it’s heyday.

Why don’t we play the next Bulldogs blockbuster at Windy Hill for a capacity crowd?

What more incentive do Poor ol’ Footscray supporters need to gather a crowd? After all, the Wee and Poo Hawthorn team are Poor ol’ Footscray’s poor ol’ historic rivals.

Let’s look at more facts.

Poor ol’ Footscray lost to Hawthorn in their last (fair dinkum) grand final in 1961. Also Hawthorn/P.O. Footscray player Peter Welsh somehow featured in the footy cards of both teams in season 1978.

This is also the time of year when the North Melbourne (what the fark is a shinboner anyway) Kangaroos jump into the argument about how Friday night footy was taken off them. North Melbourne have just topped 18,000 members – just 17 short of Avondale Heights.

If you ask me, these mediocre clubs should put up or shut up and get their loud mouth supporters supporting their club, or they will be superceded by The Powerhouse Gold Coast and Western Sydney Clubs.


Filed under ANZAC DAY, Collingwood, editorials, Essendon, footscray, kangaroos, Poor ol' Footscray, Uncategorized, Wee & Poo

Groundhog day at the AFL



It’s becoming boring.

Everytime there is a draw in the AFL, the reporters, press and talk back radio stations go beserk with the ‘Why do we have to have the draw’ syndrome.

As soon as the siren went in the Richmond v North drawn game, I knew we would be going into meltdown with the whinging and grissling of the AFL press who are desperate for a story…any story…

It’s the same each year for the ANZAC Day clash as well – GROUND HOG DAY. “Let’s have a phone in to see if your club deserves to host the ANZAC DAY clash” they cry.

Then they start on getting rid of the umpires bouncing the ball.

It’s boring and monotonous.

These are all fantastic parts of our unique game.

Let’s face it. I love the AFL draw. It’s tense and exciting in the last moments of the game. One team is the winner and one is the loser anyway because one of the teams has quite often blown the game (as in Richmond this year) and someone has saved their skin (North Melbourne this year).

The draw is a fantastic part of our game. I take you back to the first ANZAC DAY clash. Both sides, Essendon and Collingwood were fantastic that day. The result was a draw and we are all still talking about it.

How about my favorite. The “One more Kerna” day at the MCG where Carlton Bult, Steve Kernahan kicked for goal from Kernahan’s pocket after the siren when scores were level . He kicked out of bounds on the full! Carlton lost the draw that day, Essendon won the draw.

I’ve heard people say that it was terrible to see players so deflated after the Richmond/North game. They reckon Brent Harvey looked devastated and depressed…well stiff bikkies, I reckon. Scenes like these are part of our great game. They didn’t know whether to sing the song or not…get over it and sing the song next time you win. (In Richmond’s case, they’ve probably forgotten the words anyway).

How about caretaker Richmond Coach, Jade Rawlings  who says he would rather have lost than finished on a draw. What kind of a fool statement is that?

Receiving 2 match points for the draw has often put a new slant on the shaping of the final 8.

*I’ve heard arguments for extended time of 5 minutes for each team.

*I’ve heard of a goal kicking shootout (you might as well toss a coin or do the paper, scissors, rock thing)

*How about the bloke who suggested that the team who kicks the first goal of the match should be retrospectively awarded the win in a drawn game.

*Or the next goal wins if scores are level at siren time – I hope we’re kicking with the wind with that one…

*One idiot even phoned the radio station to suggest a replayed match after the Grand Final – the funds to go to charity…Well I’m sorry, but when I begin my AFL career, I will be on the end of season trip for that one…

Mike Sheahan’s article in Tuesday 21 July Herald Sun just about made me sick. Sheahan always goes against the grain of our game as he is just another reporter desperate to fill his press column with a controversial headline.

That idiot Craig Hutchison was at it again on Talking Footy, Monday night. “Why is ours the only sport who doesn’t deal with a drawn contest?” he bleated. Well I’ve just got one word to say to Hutchy “Soccer”. Does this bloke forget that soccer deals up a draw in most of its encounters. Soccer World Cup has a penalty shootout which rewards the team with the best full forward.

How about cricket? You can play 5 days for a draw and I’ve seen some fantastic, tense and exciting drawn contests which go down to the last ball of the 5th day.

Our game goes for about 100 minutes, if you can’t separate the combatants in that time, well so be it. Enjoy the novelty of the draw. Some of the best games in history have been draws and these are games we are still often talking about.

Fair dinkum, I’m on my soap box about this one but I’m sick of people always trying to change what is perfect.

I’ve had enough – LEAVE OUR GAME ALONE.


Filed under AFL, ANZAC DAY, carlton, Collingwood, editorials, Essendon, HUTCHY, kangaroos, Rants, Richmond, umpires



SMITTY: My funniest footy cards…I’ll explain why.


1. Ron Alexander – never seen a player take the photo more seriously.  Looks like he got out his comb and some brylcream and trimmed the mo, then put on his most serious face.  Also he looks about 45 years old.

Tipsmaster’s note: Smitty – there’s nothing wrong with being 45 years old. I’m only a few years shy of 45 and you were in the same year as me at school…and Pear and Symo are there already…


2. Brian Walsh – as a kid I always hated this card even though he was an Essendon player, and he was one of those cards that you seemed to keep getting in every second pack you opened.  As a lid I thought he looked like a fat toad….nothing’s changed, he still looks like a fat toad.

Tipsmaster’s note: I too always hated this BAD FOOTY CARD – Just another famous ‘Walsh’ in the Essendon stable.


3. Wayne Primer – I think they got him out of bed and just told him “your hair looks fine, don’t worry about washing it just run a quick comb through it”.  I think Wayne had 365 bad hair days for a few years running.

Tipsmaster’s note: Primmer Donner? Click go the shears on that mop.


4. Jezza – Of my whole card collection, about 800 or so, he is the only card  have ever seen where the player does not seem to know where the camera is.  “Jezza, over here”
Tipsmaster’s note: Jezza always had good awareness…although is that a cardy he’s wearing?

8.Phil Baker, Brent Crosswell, Frank Gumbleton & Malcolm Blight.  Nothing particularly funny bout these photos, but notice the signatures.  As a kid playing for Avondale Heights, we went and watched the Kangas train one cold winter night and I took my North Melb. footy cards in the hope of getting the signed.  I’ve included these cards to show Blighty for the tosser he was.  He refused to sign the card over his picture because “then you won’t see my face, son” and signed it on the reverse.  What a great ego. Did I ever tell the story about Kenny Fletcher and the dud cheque?……….

Tipsmaster’s note: Frank Gumbleton always looked about 45 and Snake Baker is a dead ringer for Marty Feldman! P.S. The Ken Fletcher dud cheque is a great story, Smitty…

scan0006. David Cloke, Gary Cowton, Peter Welsh & Goeff Raines –  a good sample of gay men hiding in the 1970’s.  I’ve actually got about 3 years running of Gary Cowton looking like this and I have a theory that he talked Peter Welsh into going to the hairdressers with him one day and getting the same perm.  Peter Welsh then tried to grow that beard to look a little more manly whilst Gary stuck with his mo as it worked a treat at the Blue Oyster Bar.

Tipsmaster’s note: They are brilliant BAD FOOTY CARDS, Smitty – P.S. Barnsey had a perm once – I’m still trying to get a hold of the photo…watch this space…


6. Ian Miller & Barry Padley – are these the scariest footballers you’ve ever seen, they both look like they’re just about to knock the shit out of the photographer. I think Barry was just asking the photographer “what the fuck are you looking at” as he was snapped.

Tipsmaster’s note: Avondale boys for sure, these 2


5. Kelvin Templeton – A true Bult lookalike, nothing more needs to be said.

Tipsmaster’s note: You know what they say, 1 in 3 of the world’s population is a Bult!


Filed under bad footy cards, Barnsey, carlton, competitions, Essendon, Fitzroy, footscray, Humour, kangaroos, Pear, Richmond, Smitty, SYMO

North Melbourne’s latest clash strip.


I couldn’t help thinking that North Melbourne’s latest guersey resembled a CHUX SUPERWIPE.

As such, Collingwood put them to good use.


Let me know what you thought of North Melbourne’s latest clash strip.

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Filed under Collingwood, competitions, Humour, kangaroos

Annual ANZAC DAY monotonous whinge



The poor ol’ other footy clubs are bleating again about their selfish “poor ol’ me” in the annual ANZAC DAY monotonous whinge. The grissling has become an annual event to be expected, synonymous with the great ANZAC DAY and commemorating football match itself.

Their selfish, childish complaints are the opposite of what the ANZAC DAY legacy represents. I’m sure the men and women who have paid the ultimate sacrifice for all of us and our country would never have considered selfish complaints and whinging over a football match.

Every year the complaints fly as Essendon and Collingwood near fill the country’s biggest capacity stadium, the MCG on the brilliantly organized ANZAC DAY clash. A match that was designed, marketed and organized by the two participating clubs 15 seasons ago. The success of the ANZAC DAY clash makes most other clubs, (usually the pathetic, pennyless clubs) cry to the mountain with the “What about me” routine.

This year, ANZAC DAY fell on the Saturday which provided a perfect opportunity for some of these other clubs to get together and organize their own special day for the occasion. Who knows, a successful North Melbourne v Richmond night match may have prompted the AFL to investigate holding a second commemorative yearly match on ANZAC night at Docklands Stadium.

But these two pathetic clubs missed the boat.

Let’s look at the numbers. Etihad (Docklands) Stadium has a crowd capacity of 53,359 people, yet only 29,224 bothered to turn up to the North Melbourne v Richmond clash. That is 24,135 empty seats. Just over half full under the roof of the Docklands Stadium.

What a disgrace – and proof that these whinging clubs should shut up about stealing the Essendon v Collingwood ANZAC DAY match. They have no idea how to run their own organization – let alone have the foresight to get together with their opponent to capitalize on a perfect opportunity to promote their own identity, capture the night ANZAC clash and make a buck in the process.

Essendon v Collingwood attracted 84,829 people to the second biggest football day of the year. This is on a day where this season neither side has set the world on fire with their on field performances and a day where the weather forecast was extremely bleak.

Let’s look at the other matches held on ANZAC DAY around the country.

FREMANTLE v SYDNEY at SUBIACO 32,885 – CAPACITY 43,500 – not bad for an interstate battle.

HAWTHORN v WEST COAST at AURORA STADIUM 17,460 – CAPACITY 22,000. Again not a bad effort for interstate rivals and a match played in Tasmania.

Richmond and North Melbourne should both lick their wounds and ponder over what might have been, had they promoted the match properly. Instead, North Melbourne president, James Brayshaw stood on his usual soap box on his Sunday TV footy show and cried about why North can’t play in the ANZAC DAY clash. He even organized a phone in poll to count the ‘Who thinks Essendon and Collingwood should have exclusive rights to the ANZAC DAY match’.

The results came in at 54% no and 46% yes.

Not a surprising result considering the biased and very persuasive editorial Brayshaw gave before the phone in. Never once did anyone mention how North Melbourne actually had their own opportunity for the day and stuffed it up.

For the record, the 2009 Essendon v Collingwood ANZAC DAY was as always a great success, and that success has nothing to do with the result of the match. Congratulations to the administrations of both Essendon and Collingwood for staging a great event and it is surely no coincidence that both clubs are highly successful on and off the field.

These other whinging clubs’ administrations would be better served to take notice of how Essendon and Collingwood manage their clubs. They should be more proactive in their own back yard rather than crying about their miserable missed opportunities.


Filed under Collingwood, editorials, Essendon, kangaroos, Rants, Richmond