Category Archives: Legend

Sh1t football team

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster STEW CLARKE from team LEGEND has brought to my attention a fair dinkum sh1t football team from Div 3 in Adelaide.


In the past 8 rounds they have been smacked by a total of:

419goals, 214 behinds = 2728 points


9 goals, 7 behinds = 61 points

The Kilburn Football Team – I reckon Col Gray could get a game amongst that lot, Portarlington would even put them to shame!



Leave a comment

Filed under Humour, Legend, Portarlington

The Mighty Avondale Heights change their song.

Never have I been so shattered and disappointed with what I heard the other day tipsters.

Allow me to tell you the story.

I grew up playing my Junior footy for the Mighty Heights. The Avondale Heights Football Club. Avondale always had the best club song in the EDFL. And how we used to belt it out – arms linked with your mates after a win full of gusto and spirit, wow the hairs on the back of my neck are standing up now just remembering the good old days at the Doyle St and later Canning St Club Rooms.





















The song was not a copy of an AFL song. It was just a great club song written by Frank Monk back in 1967.

Well last Saturday tipsters, I happened to be at Raeburn Reserve to watch Pascoe Vale host Avondale Heights in the Round 6 senior A-Grade clash in the EDFL.

Avondale came from behind in a fantastic contest and beat Pascoe Vale by 8 points.

I decided to stand outside the rooms after the game to hear the Mighty Heights belt out the song but what did I hear coming from the rooms?

To the tune of the Carlscum theme song:

Da da-da da-da

Da da-da da-da

Da da-da da-da da-da da-da..da-da da

We are the Mighty Heights

We are the old dark Mighty Heights etc etc etc – it is too depressing for me to continue.

At the end of the Carlscum version they tacked on the original song We’re the Heights, we’re the Heights etc but by then the damage had been done.

I can’t believe my club has sold out to that monotonous old durge of the chant of the Carlscum Blues. What’s next? ‘We know we’re Avondale because our banner is in Italian?’

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster Barnsey didn’t play for Avondale. He played for the arch enemy Strathmore but even he was shattered with the news:

BARNSEY quote: Mate I’m gutted, I know that song, it haunts me at night in the dark and in my dreams

“Whether they’re big or whether they’re small, we don’t care we go right throught ’em all”

Mummy…mummy, where’s my mummy?

You have to find the President and give him a spray. You can’t change your song or your name.

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster and former East Keilor/Keilor Park player PEAR wants to know if there was a vote. Pugs would be rolling in his grave

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: Pugs is a club stalwart and long time member – he is however still alive I believe!

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster and former East Keilor player LEGEND was a little harsher in his critisism

LEGEND quote: Da da-da da-da Avondale Poofs, should all wear number 1…

The DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP is such a world wide phenomenon tipsters – the beating of the jungle drums spread world wide very rapidly on this story. I was impressed to learn that Legend found out the news from a contact in Spain only two hours after the game had finished!

Now that is class! (far more classy than the da da-da da-da Carlscum theme song…)


Filed under Avondale Heights, Barnsey, carlton, EDFL, Legend, Pear, Uncategorized


INGO would like to smack this bloke in the head. INGO would also like to smack Lloyd but he would probably take a dive so you couldn’t get him.


Neon Leon
Brad Scott
Jake King
The Entire Hawthorn team, special mention Campbell Brown
Anyone called Shaw
Anyone called Cloke
Anyone Irish

AAA AUSSIE MAL: What about Bradley?

BARNSEY had plenty to add and he caused a bit of a stir along the way:It would have to be 10 years ago as he dosent play now. no 27 for the AFL, HARVEY was his name .P.S. i think this would be jimmy hirds choice as well .


Anyone called Shane Watson

Andrew Hilditch

Jeff Gieschen

Umpires numbered 1 to 100

The entire Rocca Family

Camporeale (when he played)

Knights (when he played)

Scott Turner (wacked Gary O’Donnell) and nothing else

Nathan Hauritz

Luke Power

Lleyten Hewitt and his Mrs…..and his parents….and his coaches

BARNSEY had another crack (let alone a lack of punctuation):

lay off hewitt. You call yourself Australian and you are denigrating one of the greatest people to have played for this country in any sport or pursuit. In Australian colloquialism he’s the first one you would have in the trenches with you. his passion and will to win for the country he represents (aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi) is second to none. How could you be critical of his desire too win at any cost for and on behalf of his team,coach, family and friends and last of all the Australian public Watching at home in their loungerooms cheering on the underdog (Aust davis Cup Team) in some South American Hellhole with everything Against You. A Feral Hostile Crowd Spitting on you (the day after playing Bongo Drums outside your Hotel room all night)  and yelling out on every ball toss as you serve, playing on a dodgy pothole ridden (redshit) claycourt surface against players who learnt their craft  on these inconsitent courts (their backyard).then theres the intimidation from some hasbeen 120 KG coach stalking the sideline slagging you and inciting 50000 poor, pennyless, kill you for your boots downtrodden people (with not much in life to look forward to other than hoping pablo escobar might need another mule to deliver some packages for him and will pay them the equivalent of ten lifetimes of work) to murder. What i have seen him do many times in davis cup as an aussie for and on behalf representing this great people, except those sooks who complain about his DESIRE and PASSION too WIN (thats what its all about).so if you find him to competitive , FUCK OFF to another country ,ask kevin leahy or aussie Mal and Steamroller if their mobs would like a WINNER like hewitt to bring them home some DAVIS CUP trophies (single handedly) and have one of their countrymen as world number one for 100 odd weeks .thats what you should should remember when you here his name , not the shit the bias media portray , they have taken a negative stance to him and you have eaten it up (SHEEP). The Media decide who we hate and who we like whatever it takes to sell more papers , so before you judge him and his family (as the media Have) just imagine how you could be made to look if your every move was monitored and it was in the editors hands to either show a mix (@50/50) or a onesided view 0-25/75-100 or the other way 75-100/0-25 , this is the positive or negative view and they give us the negative one. COME ON


Hey…check his record before that skanky ho threw her leg over for a quick oofty-magoofty, and then after she dug her claws in and married him because her burgeoning career in some 4th rate crappy soap opera was on the skids…he used to win tournaments pre-skank…and has won bugger all post-skank…having the right to slag off at whoever, whenever, wherever and about whatever is what makes us Australian, and if you’re going to take that right away from us, then get a black dog up you!!!!!…anyone who does a commercial, with his “look at me, I’m in the crowd…here I am” mother for poo paper, deserves all the ridicule and criticism thrown at him…and if you reckon that numbnutted, brain dead, morons like Sheehan, McAvaney and other imbeciles who call themselves journalists who still write with crayons can influence our opinions, then you can get 2 black dogs up you!!!!!…AND he was ranked #1 for 75 weeks, not 100 odd as incorrectly stated…

Good to hear from you Barnsey…catch up soon for a beer…cheers…


Sorry Guys…… I overlooked one!!


Lleyten Hewtitt’s  crazed eye, saliva spitting,  purile abusing, fan club !!!!!………..and his ‘Come ‘on’ move when he points his fingers at his mouth……

Look Out! right of reply from  the BARNESMAN:

Hello Hoot its Been awhile. talking about Rights, thats what i was doing , the right to reply to slagging that is unjustified ,how dare insignificant little arsewipes try and knock him off the pedestal i  (& his purile fanclub) put him on. Have a crack at rebecca but leave the champ alone,  i will smack anyone who slags him off in the head if they have the guts to do it in my presence. you seem to have a problem with her, i dont watch commercials i surf the stations so i didnt see what you are talking about but they obviously did it for ca$h, good on em. give the boy some credit , He’s got his needs and shes a damn lot better on the optic nerve than Princess Fiona from Shrek, and if shes got some baggage who cares if your tapping that your going alright. Thats probably why his tennis went south because he’s all tapped out from the night befores session in the for macca V & 4 eyes i change channels when i see their heads , but i dont see how sheehans opinion on hewitt would count for much hes afooty gossip not a tennis buff. the media may not influence you hoot as you weigh things up & come to your on conclusions , but a big majority of the population believe most things they read or see on 10 second news clips as being the whole story & the truth, whereas as i said the editor can make it appear how they want it to , & whatever view sells more papers will be it , thats why so many Sheeple hate hewitt , just dont slag him around me.

INGO’s had enough:

You all need to take a breath and stop writing 10 page doco’s, Colin take a lead here as the Tipmaster and bring these guys into line.

STIVA: Bring The Barnes Man into line, been tried MANY times before and to no avail!!!!
Then POMMIE go into the act:

Obviously people have not met Barnsey!! TOP BLOKE, has a point about Hewitt, he has bust his balls in the Davis Cup not many players bother, he did, not for personal gain but for Australia!!!! and how many sportsman can you say that about? without a fat cheque at the end of it, and to be honest I hate him as well but I am English eh! Pommie.

TIPSMASTER’s note: I like how Pommie had to tell us he is English…derr Fred…


Where do you start?
Assuming it was a goodun and they didn’t get up, it’s a toss up between….
Colin Robertson (he can say what he likes, I was at the ground at the 1983 GF and saw him king Watson 80 metres off the ball, then run another 80 metres down the wing being chased by Bryan Wood. Not just a thug, but a coward)
Leigh Matthews (biggest thug in history, modus operandi was king hit from behind after checking where the solitary field umpire was. Check him out in the 1984/85 GF’s, you’ll see him jump into packs from behind and start throwing haymakers then run off, another true coward)
Dermott Brereton (second biggest thug)
Campbell Brown (biggest loud mouthed sook ever, had his chance to get even with Lloyd but when face to face chose to run off and slap Monfries instead, tries in vein to live up to father’s expectations)
Dipper (he must have arthritic elbows from the number of players he knocked out who were actually playing the ball. After knocking him out, you should then steal his brownlow medal, as he was most unworthy winner ever)
Tony Lockett (serial thug that always took option of ironing out players rather than grab the footy…and seemed to take too much pleasure in it)
Either of the Cornes brothers (brought up by a dud, and burdened to carry on the family pedigree of sour,bitter inferiority complex)
Nathan Buckley (needs no explanation…Fig Jam, in first 10 years of playing even his teammates wanted to smash him)
Treadrea (about 1/10th as good as he thinks he is)
Carey (needed the strutt knocked out of him)
Ricuito (serial shirtfronter, notorious for running past the football to take out unsuspecting players…another coward who believed he was tough but rarely confronted players face to face)
Brad Hardie (most disliked furc to play the game. Coach hated him, teammates hated him, now even media co-workers hate him)

Take your pick…again, provided they didn’t get up.

I would have added Robert Muir, but king hitting him would only make him upset, and 17 teammates couldn’t help you if Robert Muir got upset.


  • Brett Heady; Colin Robertson; Scott McClaren; Brett Heady; Ray Huppatz; either of the Scott brother; Brett Heady; the idiot that sat in front of us at the ‘G that time his knucklehead skank threw her St. Kilda scarf over her shoulder at us when we bagged out Locket…and we weren’t even playing St.Kilda…what the fark is a sainter anyway!!!; Clive Waterhouse (just for being called Clive); Robert Walls; Brett Heady; Mike Sheahan; Caroline Wilson; Adrian Anderson; Andrew Demetriou; Brett Heady; Michael Tuck, the kid that pinched my full can down at Moorabbin and Brett Heady……..

  • What a can of worms you have opened…..
    I would have to say ANY Carlton player…. In particular Greg Williams.

  • tony modra,both jarmans,craig bradley,adam goodes,paul roos,alastair lynch,wayne campbell(twice),chris mcDermott,(three times),anybody with shaw as a last name,steve wright shits me still,and rod carter to see if i could straighten his head up a bit!!!

  • Kernaghan, adelaide education stopped at kinder

  • But he belts out a mean country & western song…

  • Smooks had Scott Turner….well, we all had our chance after one (of several) losing gf nights at the Royal, and we nearly had to try thanks to a certain tooth challenged country boy affectionately known as Axel!
    Boy, Scotty was a bit bigger in real life than on tv and so was Simon Atkins (or was that his twin brother?). And he didn’t appreciate the O’Donnell shirtfront being brought up at 3 in the morning after 30 beers. Anyway, like I pointed out before, the proviso with all this is that they don’t get up. :)

    • Great memories Smitty. How funny was it when Scott E Turner stole Axel’s hat (or was it the bandana?) and wouldn’t give it back.


      • What was even funnier was Adam the Vongeisser giving Axel a lecture about pulling his head in before he joined in with Scott E Turner and pushed it in himself…the funny bit was not the threat of violence, but Adam actually telling someone else to be sensible, at 3 in the morning after a skinful, and doing it with his dead serious hat on.
        What ever happened to Axel?

  • Rotten, stinking, up-himself, shit bag of a bloke
    Phil Carman (regardless of who he was playing for at the time….I hated him at Collingwood too).
    Steve Kernahan. Stupid dumb-arse Fevola.
    Greg Williams. David Rhyce Jones
    In fact, any Carlton moron. Alan McAlistar.
    Adam Goodes. Alistair (I have to take drugs because I’ve got chronic fatigue syndrome) Lynch.
    Phil Carman.
    Barry (I didn’t do nothin’) Hall.
    Steven T.R. Milne. Jason Dunstall. Mark Jackson and Phil Carman

Leave a comment

Filed under Barnsey, competitions, hooter, Humour, ingo, Judester, Legend, Pear, Pommie, Smitty, Smooks, SOCKO, stiva, Uncategorized, Who would you smack in the head

BAD FOOTY SHORTS – episode 1

Welcome to episode 1 of ‘BAD FOOTY SHORTS’

(WARNING. Contents may offend)

Episode 1 features BAD FOOTY SHORTS from three of our DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP brothers, MOOSEBOY, LEGEND & PEAR of the Clarke clan.

I’m wondering if the Clarke boys may have got their BAD FOOTY SHORTS mixed up in the laundry basket. After all, Moose looks like he’s wearing Legend’s shorts, Legend’s shorts look like a floral arrangement, and Pear’s shorts look like the curtains out of the caravan.

If you can top that, send me your own version of ‘BAD FOOTY SHORTS’


Filed under Bad Footy Shorts, Humour, Legend, Mooseboy, Pear

Famous Face – episode II

Episode 2 of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP’s segment, ‘FAMOUS FACE’ features a handful of our tipsters from the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP.

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, STIV was watching an obscure channel on Foxtel the other night when he came across a replay of a famous Rugby Union match from the past…11th August 2001 to be exact.

The famous match involved a New Zealand v Australia  Bledisloe Cup contest at ‘THE HOUSE OF PAIN’, Carrisbrook, Dunedin -New Zealand (woo err woo).

Tipsmaster’s note:  I wasn’t sure how to spell ‘woo err woo’, the sarcastic,supposedly  scared type moment  I was looking for which is meant to be synonymous with The House of Pain – please forgive me, I’m sure you all know what I mean.

Stiva was watching the replay of this famous contest (where the Aussies nailed the Kiwi’s arses at the House of Pain ). Suddenly the camera flashed on the sea of gold Wallaby guenseys in the crowd, only to find DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters, Stiva, Barnsey, Legend, Pear, Mooseboy and Col, supporting the Wallabies, singing songs and generally being very sensible Wallaby supporters on a rugby tour of New Zealand.

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster AAA AUSSIE MAL was also amongst the group, as was AUSSIE VIC, both supporting the ill fated All Blacks.

The ‘Where’s Wally’ contest in the crowd pic is to find the secret celebrity guest star, Richard Hadlee’s niece. Yes folks, the niece of Kiwi test cricket star (and wanker), Richard Hadlee happened to be in the crowd just near us and she took a little offence at being reminded that her famous uncle is indeed a wanker.

Send us your own version of ‘FAMOUS FACE’ – only on DGES FOOTYTALK


Filed under Barnsey, col, competitions, Famous Faces, Humour, Legend, Mooseboy, stiva, Uncategorized




All Associated with The Geelong Football Club would like to thank and acknowledge all participants of the AFL and associated affiliations for their contribution towards the 2009 AFL Season for without this the season just would not have been such a wonderful one. Most notably THANKYOU:
Thankyou St Kilda

** For being so wise to play “Muppets” R Clarke, McQuallter and Zac Dawson. Would not get a game for Deniliquin 4ths in Old Ammo’s. Anymore “specials” for 2010??
** For forgetting Steve Milne has a heart the size of a pea and only looks good against Port, Freo and Melb. Love a choker in big games.
** Unable to understand difference between a good player and a champion. NOTE Nick Reiwoldt is a Good Player – not a champion. A champion:
– Kicks goals after siren to win games ( Stk v Ess ).
– Plays well on the BIG STAGE – Harry Taylor smashed him.
– Wins a Brownlow in a GF winning year.
** Rod Butters for negotiating the Ethiad deal for StK in 2003 as we like StKilda playing 12 games year under a closed roof – nice and warm, flat firm grassy ground, no rain to get the hair wet or ruin the fake tan. Note – BIG FINALS are played in open with wind / breeze, rain, sun – it is called the MCG.

Thankyou Collingwood

** Supporters for saying all August ” Can not wait to get Geelong in Finals as they are soft…”
** For thinking they are better than they really are – very average football team.
** For providing a great entree to 2009 when they lost the Night GF as part of a Geelong Feb training drill.
** Having faith in Medhurst, Anthony, Rocca, Davis and Didak – Shannon Byrnes had more stats in 09 finals series than these five tragics combined.
** For not taking “Stevie J” with a second round draft pick in 2006 – THANKYOU.
** Providing great TV for all watching Eddie and family sink into their seats during second half Prel smashing they received. BEETROOT HEADED BUFFOON.

Thankyou Bulldogs

** Scott Clayton – imagine if you had selected Buddy at #3 and not the cry baby Ryan Griffen ???? You would now have your full forward and who knows ??? Thankyou Scott.

Thankyou Adelaide

** Allowing Coll to beat you by 2 points in final at G as it merely elevated their internal self opinion prior to meeting Cats in Prelim final.

Thankyou Brisbane

** Thankyou for allowing Carlton to get 30 points up in last quarter on an otherwise dreary Sat night, only to them go bang, bang, bang and leave them stranded as LOSERS. One of the best Sat night movies have watched in years.

Thankyou Carlton

** “They know We are Coming” …still waiting.
** One player does not make a team – keep playing Cloke, Fev, Bentick and Stevens – puts a smile on all our faces.
** Thinking playing Fev will get you a flag. More chance with Barb from the cheer squad.

Thankyou Essendon

** For putting Haw in their rightful place – out of the eight in R22. Memories of “Sooky Jeff Kennett” in the stand with hands on head will linger for many years to come.
** Providing a memorable Anzac Day for those enjoying a day of relax – beating Coll feral in last minute – thankyou.
** For not imposing too much pressure on Adel in final One. This meant Adel were fresh to play Coll and stretch them so they were spent before Prelim final.

Thankyou Hawthorn

** For being the most arrogant, self centred, rude, self indulgent Premiership Team the AFL has ever witnessed.
** Jeff Kennett for having the audacity to question Geelong’s “Mental Fragility” in March 2009 – not bad for a team who can not even make the eight as defending premier.
** For having the nastiest and most aggressive little “runt” of a coach – wonder why Todd Viney and Hardwick left with more to follow.
** For thinking Buddy and Roughead would take too glory again – understand two players do not make a team.
** For playing fat / overweight / unfit “Porky Pig” – Stu “give me a tub of pasta and ice-cream” Dew. Really Clarko…
** For being so gracious and accepting of Buddy suspension for smashing of Cousins in R21 – karma boys re Ess game one week later.
** For the continuous squealing re injuries – Geelong were lucky they had no injuries in 2009 !!!!!

Thankyou North Melbourne

** Leigh Colbert…draft picks resulting in Corey Enright and Cam Mooney. Sometimes it pays to be loyal hey Leigh ???? Cam may send you a photo of the Cup if you’re lucky. If not – join the queue.

Thankyou Richmond

** Thankyou for Brad Ottens and the annual 8 premiership points.

Thankyou Melbourne

** For giving StKilda a nice “feel” round 22 of the MCG.
** For giving Geelong pick 8 for Brent Maloney in 2006 – resulted in Brad Ottens arrival to Cattery.
** Clint Bizzell for pick 17 – James Kelly to Cattery.

Thankyou Freo, West Cost, Syd and Port

** Thankyou for the frequent flier points – will come in handy end of season trips.


** Grant ” I am not jealous” Thomas – every Monday Night 10pm Footy Classifieds you built up St Kilda all year – teamwork, determination, spirit, skill….always said you could never coach you overrated whale.
** Jeff Kennett – where is your poofy Brown and Yellow jacket now ????
** Shayne Crawford – for each week on Footy Show just continually reminding us all what a real dickhead you are always are and were – weak for not playing 2010.
** Joffa – did not see you much in finals – oh forgot…Coll have to win a final for you to wear the Gold Jacket.
** Carlton, Melbourne, North, Essendon, Port, Freo – for letting Joel Selwwod slip through to pick #7 2006 draft.

Leave a comment

Filed under Geelong, Humour, Legend