Category Archives: MANSKI

The Three Amigos…Giro Numero Quattro…(Round 4)…

ROund 4 selections from our DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters and our ITALIAN CORRESPONDENTS, BYRD, MANKSI & UNCLE EV (The real Three Amigos?)

three amigos

In April 2014, the notorious bandit El Guapo Andrew “Gaddafi” Demetriou and his gang of AFL thugs, Ghillon “McMoron” McLachlan, Tony “Geek” Peeks and Andrew “Dill” Dillon are collecting protection money from the not so fortunate AFL clubs in the small village of Santo CarlColMelb.
Meanwhile Lucky Day – Mick “Nearly Departed” Malthouse, Dusty Bottoms – Nathan “Braggadocio” Buckley and Ned Nederlander – Paul “Lose” Roos are part-time B-grade actors (when they are away from their coaching field) who portray the heroic Amigos on the screen. When they demand a salary increase, the studio boss fires them and evicts them from their studio-owned housing in the Docklands.
After breaking in to the studio to retrieve their signature costumes, the Amigos head for the “Chihuahua Bar” South Wharf – Docklands.
The next morning when four of El Gaupo (Demetriou) AFL thugs come to raid the small town of Santo CarlColMelb, the Amigos do a Hollywood-stunt show that leaves the thugs (McMoron, Geek and Dill) very confused. The bandits ride off, making everyone believe that the Amigos have defeated the enemy.
The village throws a boisterous celebration for the Amigos and their (supposed) victory.
In reality, the thugs inform El Guapo of what just happened, he decides to return in full force the next day and kill the Amigos.


Celebrating the Amigos conquest, in company with the towns folk enjoying a traditional meal of Chile Colorado (beef with chili sauce) El Guapo (Demetriou) and his AFL gringos burst inside the “Chihuahua Bar” hell bent in destroying the Amigos.
El Guapo and his imbecilic AFL bandits shooting their guns in the air threaten: “Do you know what “nada” means?”
“Isn’t that a light chicken gravy?” smirked Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) waving off El Guapo and his gringos continuing drinking shots of tequila by the bar.
Geek (Peeks) to Dill (Dillon): “How do you like your magpie?”
Dill (Dillon) swaggers over to a trembling Dusty Bottoms (Buckley), knocks off his tequila bottle from his hand, sculls his tequila, responds viciously: “Medium rare.”


The head chef – Pablo typically taking no notice of the catastrophe that’s just about to unfold inside the Chihuahua Bar delivers Birria (steamed goat), Pollo Encacahuatado (chicken in peanut sauce) and a big bowl of chili con carne with a crate of Corona beer to the table.
“Do you have anything besides Mexican food?” Grumbles Lucky Day (Malthouse)
Enraged taking off his filthy apron, wiping the sweat from his brow, Pablo leans over his teeth clenched, snaps in broken English: “Que es tu problema? Your jugadores (players) are no good, no es mi culpa, now eat or get out!”

Port Adelaide

Seeing that the situation was getting progressively worse, in desperation Ned Nederlander (Roos) suddenly stands on the table, hand on his heart declares: “No! We will not die like dogs. We will fight like lions! Because we are…
Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) Luck Day (Malthouse) and Ned Nederlander (Roos): “The Three Amigos!”
Victorious Ned Nederlander jumps off the table, falling on top of chef Pablo, picks himself up, walks up to El Guapo (Demetriou) challenges: “Tell us we will die like dogs!”
El Guapo confused scratching his lice infested hair: “Eh?”
Ned Nederlander continues: “Tell us we will die like dogs!”
Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day are now slowly backing away towards the entrance of the Chihuahua Bar.
El Guapo murderously grinning with his tobacco stained teeth screams: “You WILL die like dogs!”


Narrowly missing being killed, The Three Amigos quickly get inside the 2014 Chevrolet Corvette parked outside belonging to El Guapo (Demetriou) he foolishly left the keys in the ignition, speeding off to destination nowhere on a full tank of petrol.
“Get them! Dead or alive” screamed El Guapo to his useless AFL thugs. To his horror, realizing his car has gone, El Guapo began sobbing uncontrollably: “My car! My beautiful car!”


Eventually locating The Three Amigos hiding inside a disused warehouse in Bacchus Marsh, El Guapo (Demetriou) and his good for nothing bandits carefully scoured the area.
“I know each one of you, like I know my own smell!” Seethed El Guapo as his AFL dimwits proudly looking on.
Lucky Day (Malthouse) to Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) muttering to each other: “Uh this is real. They are going to…KILL us.”
“Oh Great! Real bullets!” Panicked Ned Nederlander (Roos).


“You’re in a lot of trouble Mister!” Stepped out Lucky Day (Malthouse) unwisely facing the enemy.
“Can I have your watch when you’re dead?” Ridiculed Geek (Peeks).


“You dirt eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat” Yelled Dusty Bottoms (Buckley), Ned Nederlander (Roos) hiding behind his two Amigos, trembling.
Dill (Dillon) already ferocious, McMoron (McLachlan) and Geek (Peeks) aiming ready to shoot all Three Amigos. El Guapo (Demetriou) is lethal, steps forward: “And you called us scum-sucking pigs…US!”

St Kilda

Lucky Day (Malthouse) to El Guapo (Demetriou): “Not so fast Mister! Or I’ll pump you so full of lead you’ll be using your nose for a pencil!”
El Guapo: “What do you mean?”
Lucky Day “I don’t know.”
McMoron (McLachlan): “He means that if you…
El Guapo: SHUT UP!”


McMoron (McLachlan) innocently enquiries to El Guapo (Demetriou): “Could it be that once again you are angry for something else and you’re taking it out on me.”

Unexpectedly a total war erupts with El Guapo and McMoron over as to who will finally kill The Three Amigos.
El Guapo (Demetriou) McMoron (McLaughlan) Geek (Peeks) and Dill (Dillon) are all brandishing their guns threatening to shoot one another.
Shell shocked by this unexpected outcome, The Three Amigos ceased the perfect opportunity, carefully and with caution to sneak out.
Driving away in El Guapo’s (Demetriou) 2014 Chevrolet Corvette into the sunset.


The Three Amigos “Blue Shadows on the Trail”


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Gilligan’s Island…Giro Numero Tre…(Round 3)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD & CONTESSA MANSKI have gone on a 3 hour cruise this week to select their tips.

(TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: Mary-Anne or Ginger? I was a Mary-Anne chap myself.)


Ok folks, just sit right back and hear the tale that started from the tragic port in the Docklands.
Aboard this tiny ship was a mighty sail man by the name of Clive (Palmersarus) Palmer.
The Skipper was big, brave and filthy rich. Five passengers were set sail that day, for a three-hour tour.
On board the S.S Wino was the Skipper himself, with Gilligan – Jonathan (Lost in Translation) Brown, the Millionaire – Geoffrey (Doctor Who?) Edelsten and his wife Brynne (Bedazzled) the Movie Star – Nicole Kidman (Nic) the Professor – Stephen (Skunk) Dank and Mary Anne Caroline (Caro) Wilson.
The forecast, clear sunny skies with light fresh winds, the S.S Wino is expected to sail 24 nautical miles throughout this journey.
All aboard, as they’re setting sail to a place on the map where no one has ever returned – Werribee Triangle.


Upon the first hour, things were sailing smoothly; the Skipper with self-pride is ravishingly pouring gallons of imported beer, spirits, Bollinger and Penfolds Grange to the crewmembers. Steering the S.S Wino with confidence, the Skipper was gloating about his Dinosaur theme park on the golf course at his Coolum resort – Sunshine Coast not to mention the Titanic 2, blackmailing the Finnish based company “Deltamarin” to build his vessel in the ship yards China.


Departing the South Wharf – Docklands, the S.S Wino is en-route along the Yarra River, calmly passing the picturesque outskirts of Port Phillip Bay.
Tempers already boiling over no thanks to the unusual assemblage on board, already drunk.
Palmersarus, completely wasted, staggers towards “Gilligan” Jonathan (Lost in Translation) Brown hoping to acquaint with his crewmembers slurs:
“You don’t (hiccup) know anything (hiccup) about space.” ending it with a loud burp.
Gilligan: “I do know one thing. You take up more of it than I do!” Shoving Palmersarus out of his way, taking over the ship’s wheel drastically changing the planned course of this ill-fated tour


“Oi! You lot!” Revealed “Gilligan” “I’m um….the…Skipper! I’m…um…in…um…charge now! We’re heading out West. Hold on tight!” Turning the ship’s wheel far left to a full 360 degrees. The speed is dangerously now at 60 kilometers per hour. Everyone on board falling undignified to one side and on top each other.
Palmersarus is rolled over, crumpled near the hull of the ship like an old fossil, dribbling and snoring his head off, much to the disgust of the crewmembers.

Gold Coast Bums

S.S Wino is speeding away from the pristine clear waters of Port Phillip Bay, entering the mouth of Werribee River.
“Mary Anne” – Caroline Wilson pinching her nose nudges the Professor, who is nervously fumbling through his back pack to ensure nothing went missing during the S.S.Wino sudden change of course, enquirers: “What is that smell? Urgh! This ship is beginning to stink like sh…”
“It’s probably Palmersarus. Definitely not me!” Interrupted the Professor immediately picking himself up rushing over to sit next to the Millionaire and his wife, abruptly leaving a wary Mary Anne, glaring at the Professor suspiciously.

West Coast Eagles

“Ladies and gentleman” Gilligan happily announces to his frustrated crew-members, continues: “To my right, we are now approaching Werribee Caravan Park, prime real estate or a weekend retreat, the choice is yours. It’s all about location; The Werribee River is just a stone’s throw away. Great for Trout fishing.”


Mary Anne exploded: “Shut up stupid! You dumb moronic imbecile. This is no tropical paradise, this is the muddy entrance of Hell!” By this stage the she Devil emerged. Mary Anne venting her anger began swearing at the Millionaires’ wife – Brynne as she innocently was adjusting her diamante belt on her 20 million dollar jump suit.

GWS (God! What Slobs)

“Don’t call me stupid! I’m not stupid!” A defiant Gilligan retaliated, angrily steering the boat, on the verge of tears.
S.S Wino is exiting the Werribee Caravan Park heading towards Grahams Wetlands Reserve, the smell of moss and gigantic blow flies and mozzies began to swarm all over the boat.
A big blowfly rudely awaked Palmersarus, flying inside his mouth, eventually choking him.

Port Adelaide

The weather started getting rough, the familiar smell of grass at the Werribee Golf Club aroused Palmersarus from nearly choking to death. The Skipper demanded Gilligan to stop the ship. Palmersarus wanted to build another Dinosaur theme park, calling his business associates and the likes on the phone. Before too long the S.S Wino was accelerated along the Werribee River in full throttle, bypassing the Werribee Race Course, eventually moored at the Western Water Purification Plant (Shit Hole).



As the fierce stormed moved in, the Skipper wasted no time in shoving Gilligan’s head through the ships wheel; demanding his Captaincy, the Millionaire is strangling the Professor over his botched job in injecting fillers and anti-wrinkle treatments on his wife who now resembles a busty Sylvester Stallone.
In the midst of this mayhem, Mary Anne (Caro) eventually pushes everyone, including sleeping beauty – Nicole Kidman (the Movie Star) in to the muddy shitty waters of the Western Water Purification Plant, turns back the S.S Wino towards the Southern Wharf.
Laughing out loud, with her trusty GPS on her iPhone, Mary Anne is heading back to the port of Docklands laughing out loud victoriously: Look who’s in the shit now!”


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MANSKI sings the Bombers’ tune.


DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, MANSKI adds a touch of her dulcet tones with this little dittie, lovingly inspired by Stephen Patrick Morrissey (The Smiths)

Seeing that you lot were Bombed last week, I have been inspired lyrically by none other than Stephen Patrick Morrissey (The Smiths)
Get your bouquet of flowers swinging and start singing away you little charmers………………..

Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now

I was happy in my haze of my drunken hour
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
I was looking for a win and never got a win
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To the Bombers who don’t care if I live or if I die?

Two Bombers entwined then pass me by
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
I was looking for a win and never got a win
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
In my life
Oh, why do I give valuable time
To all the players who don’t care if I live or if I die.

What Sheedy asked of me at the end of the day
Lioydy would have blushed
“You’ve been in the game far too long” he said
And I natrually fled
In my life
Why do I smile
At Bombers who I’d much rather kick in the eye?

I was happy in my haze of my drunken hour
And heaven knows I’m miserable now
“Oh You’ve been in the game too long” Sheedy said
And I naturally fled
In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To all the Bombers who don’t care if I live or if I die?

Oh boo bloddy hoo!

TIPSMASTER’s note: Nice durge, Manski  –  the kind of toe tapping tune I can dig.


Filed under Essendon, Humour, MANSKI