Category Archives: Poetry

Frank Sinatra and Mick Malthouse – partners in verse.

penned a verse celebrating the arrival of Mick Malthouse 
to 'THE MOB' at Carlscum.
Malthouse is in good company within 'THE MOB' as BYRD's 
song to the tune of Frankie Sinatra's 'New York, New York' 
will demonstrate.

BYRD: Here is my version of ol' blue eyes classic 
(New York New York)
Enjoy this with a glass of Martini 
with two olives just like Frankie.

Start spreading the news
I've joined today
I have been poached to coach 
New Club... New Club...

Collingmaguirevomitshitwood are screwed
Ed and Bucks have had their say
I am going to shove it back at them!
New Club... New Club...

I will march in and conquer VISY
That stadium is now all mine!
And know that I'm King of all Kings
Yeah! Ed and Bucks Damn swines!

My new town Blues
"Sticks" and crew are all happy today
I'm gonna make a damn good start of it
In the New Club... New Club...

If I can make it there
I'll make it bloody anywhere
It's up to me...Yes! me
New Club...New Club...

Tipsmaster's note: A beautiful rendition indeed BYRD, 
creative, imaginative, well versed...a complete 
It's just a great pity that I have had an absolute 
gutful of Mick Malthouse and the way the footy world 
asks his opinion on everything as though he was some 
sort of a messiah.
Carlton and Malthouse...they deserve each other.


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Filed under Byrd, carlton, Poetry, Theme songs

FOOTY POETRY – episode 7

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster, Glenn Beer from team HOOTER has sent us his round 8 tips of verse in episode 7 of FOOTY POETRY

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: I can’t believe you found a word to rhyme with dildo! Nice work Hooter!

Geelong…when I was young, I was taught…never pick team Voldemoort…

North Melbourne…what the fark is a shinboner…there was once a ranger who was a loner…

Hawthorn…on Fremantle the hawks will do, a mighty load of wee & poo…

South Melbourne…how could anyone tip the Dees, the swans will bring them to their knees…

Footscray…the aim of the game is to kick more goals, so my tip today is the Poor Ols…

Essendon…Richmond’s wounds, they will lick ‘em….like a festering scabby wound, you just never ever pick ‘em

Brisbane Bears…against the GWS it is the Bears, my granddaddy always says, ”Son, who farken cares…”…

Carlton…to shove it up the Crows bum, I hate to say I tip Carlscum…

West Coast…the eagles will ream out St. Kildo with a bloody great ginormous dildo…

Great work Hoot – let’s see WHOOOO can match that!

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Filed under hooter, Poetry

FOOTY POETRY -episode 6

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster Peter Ingleton from team INGO has done it again with his latest entry to

FOOTY POETRY – episode 6

Bucks stood on the burning deck with a pocket full of crackers

He then pulled the packet out and ate them  all

Now  I could have gone with the story that one went  off

In his pants and blew off both his knackers

But apparently from what I’m told he’s got no balls


Thanks To Judester for the inspiration to produce such creative poetry.

Tipsmaster’s note: What can I say? Poetry is in the eye of the beer holder…


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Filed under ingo, Poetry


Footy poetry episode 5.
This little gem was lovingly sent to us by DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipstress Judith Beer from team JUDESTER.

The boy stood on the burning deck,
He barracked for the Blues,
So we shot him.
– who the hell cares whether that rhymes or not, it’s a bloody good result!
TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: It rhymes to me Judester, singing to my ears. Well done!

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Filed under carlton, Humour, Judester, Poetry

FOOTY POETRY – episode 4

FOOTY POETRY – episode 4 has been lovingly sent to us by former DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster GAZZA


Tipsmaster’s note: Well it rhymes Gazza and it relates to footy so you have covered all of the requested criteria. Well done!

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Filed under Hird, Poetry

FOOTY POETRY – episode 3

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipster  Peter Ingleton from team INGO has joined the poet’s corner with this instalment to EPISODE 3 of FOOTY POETRY

Collingwood are shit . And that’s it

Tipsmaster’s note: INGO – Your elocution was supurb, the poem delivered with impeccible timing, you have included humour, verve and style while stating a factual comment. A marvellous effort indeed!


Filed under Collingwood, Humour, ingo, Poetry


TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: This is a pic of BIG AL on a very windy day in Darwin.



Is it round seven?

It was muttered

Not tipped 9

I was gutted

I’ll try again with the Hawks and D’s

And do my best to not mention wee’s

But the ski season is closing in

So have to grant the hawks a win

The form team this millennium

Wear hoops of blue and white

The crows can knock them off

But this week, I think, not quite

I declare a CRAP OFF this week

Let’s gather up all of the dregs

The newcomers will go wanting

And the Gold Coast’ll have the Legs

The black striped pussy lovers

Might fear the long necked duck

But this will be a close one

Hence Sydney have my “Buck”

Brisbane suffered a flood just passed

With losses that are still in court

This week won’t be different

As they go down to Voldermort

The wiggles have a big red car

But it don’t have a big black sash

I can’t see the Hird disciples

Taking home this weeks cash

I have seen a dog take down a roo

And the reverse is also right

In this case I’ll back the hoppers

Cause the muzzled dogs can’t bite

Now both these teams live near ports

But I’ll join Powers knockers

I don’t think they are the real McCoy

So will happily tip the Dockers

I wish I had a big Halo

So I couldn’t ever lose

But the saint headwear won’t help

As they meet the rampaging Blues

My tips are done, it’s finished

I really can’t write no more

This should help the level

Of my quickly flagging score

Tipsmaster’s note: I am humbled by the pen he grips to enlighten us with his verse of tips…

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Filed under Big Al, Poetry