Category Archives: Smitty


INGO would like to smack this bloke in the head. INGO would also like to smack Lloyd but he would probably take a dive so you couldn’t get him.


Neon Leon
Brad Scott
Jake King
The Entire Hawthorn team, special mention Campbell Brown
Anyone called Shaw
Anyone called Cloke
Anyone Irish

AAA AUSSIE MAL: What about Bradley?

BARNSEY had plenty to add and he caused a bit of a stir along the way:It would have to be 10 years ago as he dosent play now. no 27 for the AFL, HARVEY was his name .P.S. i think this would be jimmy hirds choice as well .


Anyone called Shane Watson

Andrew Hilditch

Jeff Gieschen

Umpires numbered 1 to 100

The entire Rocca Family

Camporeale (when he played)

Knights (when he played)

Scott Turner (wacked Gary O’Donnell) and nothing else

Nathan Hauritz

Luke Power

Lleyten Hewitt and his Mrs…..and his parents….and his coaches

BARNSEY had another crack (let alone a lack of punctuation):

lay off hewitt. You call yourself Australian and you are denigrating one of the greatest people to have played for this country in any sport or pursuit. In Australian colloquialism he’s the first one you would have in the trenches with you. his passion and will to win for the country he represents (aussie aussie aussie oi oi oi) is second to none. How could you be critical of his desire too win at any cost for and on behalf of his team,coach, family and friends and last of all the Australian public Watching at home in their loungerooms cheering on the underdog (Aust davis Cup Team) in some South American Hellhole with everything Against You. A Feral Hostile Crowd Spitting on you (the day after playing Bongo Drums outside your Hotel room all night)  and yelling out on every ball toss as you serve, playing on a dodgy pothole ridden (redshit) claycourt surface against players who learnt their craft  on these inconsitent courts (their backyard).then theres the intimidation from some hasbeen 120 KG coach stalking the sideline slagging you and inciting 50000 poor, pennyless, kill you for your boots downtrodden people (with not much in life to look forward to other than hoping pablo escobar might need another mule to deliver some packages for him and will pay them the equivalent of ten lifetimes of work) to murder. What i have seen him do many times in davis cup as an aussie for and on behalf representing this great people, except those sooks who complain about his DESIRE and PASSION too WIN (thats what its all about).so if you find him to competitive , FUCK OFF to another country ,ask kevin leahy or aussie Mal and Steamroller if their mobs would like a WINNER like hewitt to bring them home some DAVIS CUP trophies (single handedly) and have one of their countrymen as world number one for 100 odd weeks .thats what you should should remember when you here his name , not the shit the bias media portray , they have taken a negative stance to him and you have eaten it up (SHEEP). The Media decide who we hate and who we like whatever it takes to sell more papers , so before you judge him and his family (as the media Have) just imagine how you could be made to look if your every move was monitored and it was in the editors hands to either show a mix (@50/50) or a onesided view 0-25/75-100 or the other way 75-100/0-25 , this is the positive or negative view and they give us the negative one. COME ON


Hey…check his record before that skanky ho threw her leg over for a quick oofty-magoofty, and then after she dug her claws in and married him because her burgeoning career in some 4th rate crappy soap opera was on the skids…he used to win tournaments pre-skank…and has won bugger all post-skank…having the right to slag off at whoever, whenever, wherever and about whatever is what makes us Australian, and if you’re going to take that right away from us, then get a black dog up you!!!!!…anyone who does a commercial, with his “look at me, I’m in the crowd…here I am” mother for poo paper, deserves all the ridicule and criticism thrown at him…and if you reckon that numbnutted, brain dead, morons like Sheehan, McAvaney and other imbeciles who call themselves journalists who still write with crayons can influence our opinions, then you can get 2 black dogs up you!!!!!…AND he was ranked #1 for 75 weeks, not 100 odd as incorrectly stated…

Good to hear from you Barnsey…catch up soon for a beer…cheers…


Sorry Guys…… I overlooked one!!


Lleyten Hewtitt’s  crazed eye, saliva spitting,  purile abusing, fan club !!!!!………..and his ‘Come ‘on’ move when he points his fingers at his mouth……

Look Out! right of reply from  the BARNESMAN:

Hello Hoot its Been awhile. talking about Rights, thats what i was doing , the right to reply to slagging that is unjustified ,how dare insignificant little arsewipes try and knock him off the pedestal i  (& his purile fanclub) put him on. Have a crack at rebecca but leave the champ alone,  i will smack anyone who slags him off in the head if they have the guts to do it in my presence. you seem to have a problem with her, i dont watch commercials i surf the stations so i didnt see what you are talking about but they obviously did it for ca$h, good on em. give the boy some credit , He’s got his needs and shes a damn lot better on the optic nerve than Princess Fiona from Shrek, and if shes got some baggage who cares if your tapping that your going alright. Thats probably why his tennis went south because he’s all tapped out from the night befores session in the for macca V & 4 eyes i change channels when i see their heads , but i dont see how sheehans opinion on hewitt would count for much hes afooty gossip not a tennis buff. the media may not influence you hoot as you weigh things up & come to your on conclusions , but a big majority of the population believe most things they read or see on 10 second news clips as being the whole story & the truth, whereas as i said the editor can make it appear how they want it to , & whatever view sells more papers will be it , thats why so many Sheeple hate hewitt , just dont slag him around me.

INGO’s had enough:

You all need to take a breath and stop writing 10 page doco’s, Colin take a lead here as the Tipmaster and bring these guys into line.

STIVA: Bring The Barnes Man into line, been tried MANY times before and to no avail!!!!
Then POMMIE go into the act:

Obviously people have not met Barnsey!! TOP BLOKE, has a point about Hewitt, he has bust his balls in the Davis Cup not many players bother, he did, not for personal gain but for Australia!!!! and how many sportsman can you say that about? without a fat cheque at the end of it, and to be honest I hate him as well but I am English eh! Pommie.

TIPSMASTER’s note: I like how Pommie had to tell us he is English…derr Fred…


Where do you start?
Assuming it was a goodun and they didn’t get up, it’s a toss up between….
Colin Robertson (he can say what he likes, I was at the ground at the 1983 GF and saw him king Watson 80 metres off the ball, then run another 80 metres down the wing being chased by Bryan Wood. Not just a thug, but a coward)
Leigh Matthews (biggest thug in history, modus operandi was king hit from behind after checking where the solitary field umpire was. Check him out in the 1984/85 GF’s, you’ll see him jump into packs from behind and start throwing haymakers then run off, another true coward)
Dermott Brereton (second biggest thug)
Campbell Brown (biggest loud mouthed sook ever, had his chance to get even with Lloyd but when face to face chose to run off and slap Monfries instead, tries in vein to live up to father’s expectations)
Dipper (he must have arthritic elbows from the number of players he knocked out who were actually playing the ball. After knocking him out, you should then steal his brownlow medal, as he was most unworthy winner ever)
Tony Lockett (serial thug that always took option of ironing out players rather than grab the footy…and seemed to take too much pleasure in it)
Either of the Cornes brothers (brought up by a dud, and burdened to carry on the family pedigree of sour,bitter inferiority complex)
Nathan Buckley (needs no explanation…Fig Jam, in first 10 years of playing even his teammates wanted to smash him)
Treadrea (about 1/10th as good as he thinks he is)
Carey (needed the strutt knocked out of him)
Ricuito (serial shirtfronter, notorious for running past the football to take out unsuspecting players…another coward who believed he was tough but rarely confronted players face to face)
Brad Hardie (most disliked furc to play the game. Coach hated him, teammates hated him, now even media co-workers hate him)

Take your pick…again, provided they didn’t get up.

I would have added Robert Muir, but king hitting him would only make him upset, and 17 teammates couldn’t help you if Robert Muir got upset.


  • Brett Heady; Colin Robertson; Scott McClaren; Brett Heady; Ray Huppatz; either of the Scott brother; Brett Heady; the idiot that sat in front of us at the ‘G that time his knucklehead skank threw her St. Kilda scarf over her shoulder at us when we bagged out Locket…and we weren’t even playing St.Kilda…what the fark is a sainter anyway!!!; Clive Waterhouse (just for being called Clive); Robert Walls; Brett Heady; Mike Sheahan; Caroline Wilson; Adrian Anderson; Andrew Demetriou; Brett Heady; Michael Tuck, the kid that pinched my full can down at Moorabbin and Brett Heady……..

  • What a can of worms you have opened…..
    I would have to say ANY Carlton player…. In particular Greg Williams.

  • tony modra,both jarmans,craig bradley,adam goodes,paul roos,alastair lynch,wayne campbell(twice),chris mcDermott,(three times),anybody with shaw as a last name,steve wright shits me still,and rod carter to see if i could straighten his head up a bit!!!

  • Kernaghan, adelaide education stopped at kinder

  • But he belts out a mean country & western song…

  • Smooks had Scott Turner….well, we all had our chance after one (of several) losing gf nights at the Royal, and we nearly had to try thanks to a certain tooth challenged country boy affectionately known as Axel!
    Boy, Scotty was a bit bigger in real life than on tv and so was Simon Atkins (or was that his twin brother?). And he didn’t appreciate the O’Donnell shirtfront being brought up at 3 in the morning after 30 beers. Anyway, like I pointed out before, the proviso with all this is that they don’t get up. :)

    • Great memories Smitty. How funny was it when Scott E Turner stole Axel’s hat (or was it the bandana?) and wouldn’t give it back.


      • What was even funnier was Adam the Vongeisser giving Axel a lecture about pulling his head in before he joined in with Scott E Turner and pushed it in himself…the funny bit was not the threat of violence, but Adam actually telling someone else to be sensible, at 3 in the morning after a skinful, and doing it with his dead serious hat on.
        What ever happened to Axel?

  • Rotten, stinking, up-himself, shit bag of a bloke
    Phil Carman (regardless of who he was playing for at the time….I hated him at Collingwood too).
    Steve Kernahan. Stupid dumb-arse Fevola.
    Greg Williams. David Rhyce Jones
    In fact, any Carlton moron. Alan McAlistar.
    Adam Goodes. Alistair (I have to take drugs because I’ve got chronic fatigue syndrome) Lynch.
    Phil Carman.
    Barry (I didn’t do nothin’) Hall.
    Steven T.R. Milne. Jason Dunstall. Mark Jackson and Phil Carman


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Filed under Barnsey, competitions, hooter, Humour, ingo, Judester, Legend, Pear, Pommie, Smitty, Smooks, SOCKO, stiva, Uncategorized, Who would you smack in the head



SMITTY: My funniest footy cards…I’ll explain why.


1. Ron Alexander – never seen a player take the photo more seriously.  Looks like he got out his comb and some brylcream and trimmed the mo, then put on his most serious face.  Also he looks about 45 years old.

Tipsmaster’s note: Smitty – there’s nothing wrong with being 45 years old. I’m only a few years shy of 45 and you were in the same year as me at school…and Pear and Symo are there already…


2. Brian Walsh – as a kid I always hated this card even though he was an Essendon player, and he was one of those cards that you seemed to keep getting in every second pack you opened.  As a lid I thought he looked like a fat toad….nothing’s changed, he still looks like a fat toad.

Tipsmaster’s note: I too always hated this BAD FOOTY CARD – Just another famous ‘Walsh’ in the Essendon stable.


3. Wayne Primer – I think they got him out of bed and just told him “your hair looks fine, don’t worry about washing it just run a quick comb through it”.  I think Wayne had 365 bad hair days for a few years running.

Tipsmaster’s note: Primmer Donner? Click go the shears on that mop.


4. Jezza – Of my whole card collection, about 800 or so, he is the only card  have ever seen where the player does not seem to know where the camera is.  “Jezza, over here”
Tipsmaster’s note: Jezza always had good awareness…although is that a cardy he’s wearing?

8.Phil Baker, Brent Crosswell, Frank Gumbleton & Malcolm Blight.  Nothing particularly funny bout these photos, but notice the signatures.  As a kid playing for Avondale Heights, we went and watched the Kangas train one cold winter night and I took my North Melb. footy cards in the hope of getting the signed.  I’ve included these cards to show Blighty for the tosser he was.  He refused to sign the card over his picture because “then you won’t see my face, son” and signed it on the reverse.  What a great ego. Did I ever tell the story about Kenny Fletcher and the dud cheque?……….

Tipsmaster’s note: Frank Gumbleton always looked about 45 and Snake Baker is a dead ringer for Marty Feldman! P.S. The Ken Fletcher dud cheque is a great story, Smitty…

scan0006. David Cloke, Gary Cowton, Peter Welsh & Goeff Raines –  a good sample of gay men hiding in the 1970’s.  I’ve actually got about 3 years running of Gary Cowton looking like this and I have a theory that he talked Peter Welsh into going to the hairdressers with him one day and getting the same perm.  Peter Welsh then tried to grow that beard to look a little more manly whilst Gary stuck with his mo as it worked a treat at the Blue Oyster Bar.

Tipsmaster’s note: They are brilliant BAD FOOTY CARDS, Smitty – P.S. Barnsey had a perm once – I’m still trying to get a hold of the photo…watch this space…


6. Ian Miller & Barry Padley – are these the scariest footballers you’ve ever seen, they both look like they’re just about to knock the shit out of the photographer. I think Barry was just asking the photographer “what the fuck are you looking at” as he was snapped.

Tipsmaster’s note: Avondale boys for sure, these 2


5. Kelvin Templeton – A true Bult lookalike, nothing more needs to be said.

Tipsmaster’s note: You know what they say, 1 in 3 of the world’s population is a Bult!


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