Category Archives: TIPS

The Three Amigos…Giro Numero Quattro…(Round 4)…

ROund 4 selections from our DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters and our ITALIAN CORRESPONDENTS, BYRD, MANKSI & UNCLE EV (The real Three Amigos?)

three amigos

In April 2014, the notorious bandit El Guapo Andrew “Gaddafi” Demetriou and his gang of AFL thugs, Ghillon “McMoron” McLachlan, Tony “Geek” Peeks and Andrew “Dill” Dillon are collecting protection money from the not so fortunate AFL clubs in the small village of Santo CarlColMelb.
Meanwhile Lucky Day – Mick “Nearly Departed” Malthouse, Dusty Bottoms – Nathan “Braggadocio” Buckley and Ned Nederlander – Paul “Lose” Roos are part-time B-grade actors (when they are away from their coaching field) who portray the heroic Amigos on the screen. When they demand a salary increase, the studio boss fires them and evicts them from their studio-owned housing in the Docklands.
After breaking in to the studio to retrieve their signature costumes, the Amigos head for the “Chihuahua Bar” South Wharf – Docklands.
The next morning when four of El Gaupo (Demetriou) AFL thugs come to raid the small town of Santo CarlColMelb, the Amigos do a Hollywood-stunt show that leaves the thugs (McMoron, Geek and Dill) very confused. The bandits ride off, making everyone believe that the Amigos have defeated the enemy.
The village throws a boisterous celebration for the Amigos and their (supposed) victory.
In reality, the thugs inform El Guapo of what just happened, he decides to return in full force the next day and kill the Amigos.

Collingmaguirevomitshitwood

Celebrating the Amigos conquest, in company with the towns folk enjoying a traditional meal of Chile Colorado (beef with chili sauce) El Guapo (Demetriou) and his AFL gringos burst inside the “Chihuahua Bar” hell bent in destroying the Amigos.
El Guapo and his imbecilic AFL bandits shooting their guns in the air threaten: “Do you know what “nada” means?”
“Isn’t that a light chicken gravy?” smirked Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) waving off El Guapo and his gringos continuing drinking shots of tequila by the bar.
Geek (Peeks) to Dill (Dillon): “How do you like your magpie?”
Dill (Dillon) swaggers over to a trembling Dusty Bottoms (Buckley), knocks off his tequila bottle from his hand, sculls his tequila, responds viciously: “Medium rare.”

Carlton

The head chef – Pablo typically taking no notice of the catastrophe that’s just about to unfold inside the Chihuahua Bar delivers Birria (steamed goat), Pollo Encacahuatado (chicken in peanut sauce) and a big bowl of chili con carne with a crate of Corona beer to the table.
“Do you have anything besides Mexican food?” Grumbles Lucky Day (Malthouse)
Enraged taking off his filthy apron, wiping the sweat from his brow, Pablo leans over his teeth clenched, snaps in broken English: “Que es tu problema? Your jugadores (players) are no good, no es mi culpa, now eat or get out!”

Port Adelaide

Seeing that the situation was getting progressively worse, in desperation Ned Nederlander (Roos) suddenly stands on the table, hand on his heart declares: “No! We will not die like dogs. We will fight like lions! Because we are…
Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) Luck Day (Malthouse) and Ned Nederlander (Roos): “The Three Amigos!”
Victorious Ned Nederlander jumps off the table, falling on top of chef Pablo, picks himself up, walks up to El Guapo (Demetriou) challenges: “Tell us we will die like dogs!”
El Guapo confused scratching his lice infested hair: “Eh?”
Ned Nederlander continues: “Tell us we will die like dogs!”
Dusty Bottoms and Lucky Day are now slowly backing away towards the entrance of the Chihuahua Bar.
El Guapo murderously grinning with his tobacco stained teeth screams: “You WILL die like dogs!”

Bulldogs

Narrowly missing being killed, The Three Amigos quickly get inside the 2014 Chevrolet Corvette parked outside belonging to El Guapo (Demetriou) he foolishly left the keys in the ignition, speeding off to destination nowhere on a full tank of petrol.
“Get them! Dead or alive” screamed El Guapo to his useless AFL thugs. To his horror, realizing his car has gone, El Guapo began sobbing uncontrollably: “My car! My beautiful car!”

Geelong

Eventually locating The Three Amigos hiding inside a disused warehouse in Bacchus Marsh, El Guapo (Demetriou) and his good for nothing bandits carefully scoured the area.
“I know each one of you, like I know my own smell!” Seethed El Guapo as his AFL dimwits proudly looking on.
Lucky Day (Malthouse) to Dusty Bottoms (Buckley) muttering to each other: “Uh this is real. They are going to…KILL us.”
“Oh Great! Real bullets!” Panicked Ned Nederlander (Roos).

Hawthorn

“You’re in a lot of trouble Mister!” Stepped out Lucky Day (Malthouse) unwisely facing the enemy.
“Can I have your watch when you’re dead?” Ridiculed Geek (Peeks).

Shitney

“You dirt eating piece of slime, you scum-sucking pig, you son of a motherless goat” Yelled Dusty Bottoms (Buckley), Ned Nederlander (Roos) hiding behind his two Amigos, trembling.
Dill (Dillon) already ferocious, McMoron (McLachlan) and Geek (Peeks) aiming ready to shoot all Three Amigos. El Guapo (Demetriou) is lethal, steps forward: “And you called us scum-sucking pigs…US!”

St Kilda

Lucky Day (Malthouse) to El Guapo (Demetriou): “Not so fast Mister! Or I’ll pump you so full of lead you’ll be using your nose for a pencil!”
El Guapo: “What do you mean?”
Lucky Day “I don’t know.”
McMoron (McLachlan): “He means that if you…
El Guapo: SHUT UP!”

Essendon

McMoron (McLachlan) innocently enquiries to El Guapo (Demetriou): “Could it be that once again you are angry for something else and you’re taking it out on me.”

Unexpectedly a total war erupts with El Guapo and McMoron over as to who will finally kill The Three Amigos.
El Guapo (Demetriou) McMoron (McLaughlan) Geek (Peeks) and Dill (Dillon) are all brandishing their guns threatening to shoot one another.
Shell shocked by this unexpected outcome, The Three Amigos ceased the perfect opportunity, carefully and with caution to sneak out.
Driving away in El Guapo’s (Demetriou) 2014 Chevrolet Corvette into the sunset.

 

The Three Amigos “Blue Shadows on the Trail”
http://youtu.be/OdDZqkDMCv8

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Disgraceful Tipstering Decision

Good morning tipsters.

I suppose by now most of you will have noticed on the tipping site www.footytips.com that we all tipped all 4 correct winners last weekend. Yes folks, as many of you notified me late last Friday, the tipping website had crashed so many of you were unable to submit your tips.

Hence the footytips website has decided to reward everyone with excellence, regardless of the fact that most of you pesky late tipsters were trying to get a sneaky edge over the rest of us by submitting your tips at the last minute.

Well let me tell you, I reckon it is a dead set disgrace. For the first time in my life I was head to head with tipster PEAR and one ahead of BARNSEY and PADDO. Now my one moment of tipstering glory has been bruitally taken away from me.

Bloody computers.

Oh woe is me…

Col – Your ever shattered tipsmaster.

This is the official message from the footytips website on the issue:

We will be awarding participating tippers correct tips and margins for all matches in all sports which occurred from
5PM AEDT Friday March 14th to Monday March 17th inclusive, as a result of the hardware and database issues that affected the footytips.com.au website and mobile platforms over the weekend.

We understand that many tippers were unable to make their selections over the weekend, and we believe this is the fairest solution for all active users.

Please note that we will not be awarding correct tips for the remainder of AFL round one from Thursday March 20 to Sunday March 23 inclusive.

We have taken steps to correct the technical problems that affected the footytips.com.au website and mobile platforms last weekend, and we are working hard to ensure you have a stable platform on which to make your tips.We apologise again for the inconvenience this has caused.

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CONGRATULATIONS TO OUR WINNERS

JUDESTER

Judester won the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP for the second time. Judester is one of our oldest…err…longest serving tipsters in the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP and always performs well in her tipstering, whether she is winning the competition or simply taking the jackpot as she did in round 8 earlier this year. Judester is also one of our best recruiters who along with her husband HOOTER, they both lure plenty of unassuming and unsuspecting new tipsters each season. JUDESTER pocketed $730.20 for her first prize.

Well done JUDESTER a very worthy winner indeed.

GLEN CLARKE

Second place went to Glen Clarke of team MOOSEBOY. Glen is also a previous winner of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP. On his first occasion of excellence, (back in the days of tipstering via fax machine), your tipsmaster played a bit of a game with MOOSEBOY and told him on the following Monday that MOOSEBOY had failed to submit his tips. Hence he had been awarded the away teams and failed to win the prize. Well MOOSEBOY went off his nut, blaming his wife for not sending the fax and really going into a tyradical rampage! (funny as…)

Anyway your tipsmaster later fessed up to MOOSEBOY and told him we were pulling his leg and that he really had won the prize. Plenty of chuckling was shared by all on that occasion! This year, MOOSEBOY had a stumble at the final hurdle and finished in second place with a prize packet booty of $304.25 Well done MOOSEBOY.

OLD SANTA

Third prize went to Chris Plant of team OLD SANTA –  a tipster who is always up around the top of the tipping table at the business end because he does know his footy. Although one would doubt his world famous footy scoops, such as the time he heard on the radio that Paul Salmon was a late withdrawl from the game, regardless of the fact that Salmon had just run through the banner with the rest of his team mates! OLD SANTA has won $121.70 for his third prize. Well done OLD SANTA

DANIEL CLARKE

Our booby prize went to a very worthy winner in DANIEL CLARKE (son of Glen) At 17 years of age, Daniel is one of our youngsters in the tipping comp but has been with us for about 10 seasons. Daniel has been a prize winner before and I think this season’s strategy of forgetting to submit his tips most weeks has proven most lucrative for him as he will pocket $60.85 for finishing 3rd last. Well done Daniel.

Keep submitting your tips for the finals series tipsters where the tipster with the most correct selections after the finals series will win a slab of beer of your choice (to the value of VB)

At the end of the season I will publish a full list of all winners, including jackpot winners.

Stand by!

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FOOTY TEAMS AND THEIR OLYMPIC SISTER COUNTRIES

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipstress and our Italian corresponant Nadia Suric from team BYRD has again enlightened us with her highly entertaining footy tips.

BYRD has related our footy teams to their Olympic country counterparts.

Please feel free to send me your own ideas for FOOTY TEAMS AND THEIR OLYMPIC SISTER COUNTRIES

Adelaide

Unquestionably a City of Churches, 749 of them!

Drive to a winery… a Church…Pray!

Pass by another winery… another Church!… Ask for forgiveness!

Stagger on to the next winery Oh God!…Hiccup!… I think I’m gunna spew …Hiccup!…Is that what I think it is?…Yup!…a Church…Repent!

Vatican City is enormously proud in bearing the Olympic flag for this humble lot.

 

North Melbourne

(God! I hate them) without a shadow of doubt the most awful, cold, nasty, rude and unfriendly club in the league. They are anti social, no morals, socially handicapped, and corrupt.

Leaves a chill in the marrow of your bones just like living in the subzero conditions in Siberia Moscow

 

Collingmaguirevomitshitwood

USA (Red Neck Capital – Texas) First class Bogans who cannot conform or adapt to normal and simple human behaviour.

No class, undefined, unrefined, disrespectful, uncouth and ill mannered.

Inaudibly, their speech makes “Eliza Doolittle” seem articulate…read on.

“ Dang! I cudnt unnerstand a wurd he sed … must be from some farn country.”


I rest my case!

Carlton

“Io Sono Carlton” in plain old English, quite simply Maestro “ I Am Carlton”

We are classy, cultured, fashionable, glamorous, ritzy, sophisticated, smart, stylish, and suave.

We have the looks, the charm and the know how in networking with the elite of the elitist. Integrity at it’s best!

The Italians always do it better…Ah!…Bella Italia

Known fact! Saudi Arabia has yet to send any of their female athletes to participate in the Olympics, their systematic discrimination is shameful, an outcry of utter disbelief, beyond comprehension. Is it any wonder that Buddy ”Monomaniac, Sexist Pig” Franklin has now taken flight to Dubai to seek multiple wives, the would be “Sheikh” can govern and rule as he sees fit. Totalitarianism. Buddy’s way or no way.

 

Shitney

The Carnivale Parade along with its colorful floats, adornments, music, glitter show casing their marvelous and daring costumes for the entire world to see. What better way in showing off and broadcasting this spectacular event? The shimmer, the glimmer and the sparkle would do Brazil – Rio De Janiero enormously proud.

 

Fremantle

Fremantle is not only a gateway to the west; it is also renown for it’s long colonial history as well for preserving the architectural beauty of the city. Being one of the famous docklands in Australia, a worthy representation of one of the largest and famous docks in the world is none other than the Port of Rotterdam – The Netherlands.

 

St Kilda

Amsterdam (The Red Light District)

Littered with brothels, sex shops, museums, the Red Light District leaves nothing to the imagination. In all honesty Maestro, this sleazy mob will feel right at home and at ease. At least these boys can roam the darkly lit streets freely, visit the red-fringed parlors or a peep show in a private cabin without the risk of being photographed or fined. Befitting in description.

West Coast

Mining Industry – Australia The rich is getting richer the poor is getting poorer. With the mining boom lately, I can think of none other but insatiable greed, materialism, obscene profits and wealth for the big, fat ugly mining magnates.

Apparently Geological experts have recently discovered that Gina “Jesus! Woman grab yourself a Stylist!” Rinehart caused the recent earthquake in Melbourne by dropping her purse!

On that note, the European countries notably the Greeks are really hoping to do well in the Olympics. If Greece wins gold medals, they can use them as cash.

Just thought I stir-fry some ideas in your wok Maestro.

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JUDESTER IS OUR HAPPY WINNER

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipstress Judith Beer from team JUDESTER is our latest winner of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP JACKPOT.

You will notice JUDESTER grasping firmly to her cash prize as she gladly poses for her DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP photo.

Just another happy tipster and living proof that anyone can be a winner in the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP

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OUR ITALIAN CORRESPONDENT BYRD TAKES US BACK TO THE EIGHTIES!

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipstress and our very own Italian Correspondent Nadia Suric from team BYRD has taken round 8 right back to the eighties. So much so that her round 8 tips suggest an eighties song to be sung for each winning team.

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: I hope these songs bring back as many great memories for you as they did for me…

What’s-a matter you? Hey! Gotta no respect.
What-a you t’ink you do? Why you look-a so sad?
It’s-a not so bad, it’s-a nice-a place.

Ah, shaddap-a you face!

Geelong 

The only reason I am going with the mighty Cats is my absolute and sheer disgust in tipping in preference for you know who….

I know this match can go either way, but this will be a close one, I’m worried as Geelong are beginning to slip, not another post trauma of winning the Grand Final 2011?

God help us! 

Song to sing and learn: “I’m an individual” – Jacko

North Melbourne (God I hate them!) Port Powerless I really don’t give a damn about this game both team bore me to tears.

I would rather spend the afternoon clipping my toenails and spread the clippings on my neighbours’ veggie patch.

Song to sing and learn: “Who can it be now?” Men at Work

Hawthorn The Dockers will suffer the atmospheric conditions in Tassie. The travelling will take its toll, Hawthorn are surpassing everyone’s lack of faith and may win this comfortably.

Buddy “Monomaniac, sexist, egotistical pig” Franklin, still love your T-shirts eh?….

The Cartlon Crew (ladies) is still watching you.

Song to learn and sing: “Centerfold ”- J.Geils Band

Shitney Maestro you have to make an executive decision and start introducing the N.P.M. rule. There is not even a glimmer of hope that this will be a winner, I feel so sorry for the Dees.

God! Imagine barracking for them? I rather spend the rest of the football season in Siberia or worse still Timbuktu.

Song to learn and sing: “ I Only Want what’s Mine” – Warrick “Crapper” Capper. 

Western Bulldogs Gold Coast Bums have been giving nothing but reoccurring nightmares and sleepless nights, for the love of God, go back to where you to came from “Planet Ork” Nanu Nanu

Song to learn and sing: “Another one bites the dust!” – Queen 

Essendon Confidentially, without a doubt, I will screech, bellow; yell if Richmond win this, after all this is the demented, insane, mental, and unpredictable world of footy.

Song to learn and sing: “Eye of the Tiger” – Survivor

Brisbane Lions Seeing that GWS (God! What Slobs) have lost their football virginity by winning for the very first time, definitely a phenomenal miracle.

Never ever to be seen again.

Song to learn and Sing: “Like A Virgin” – Madonna

Carlton My boys lost every opportunity in grabbing the top spot on the almighty AFL ladder by doing the unthinkable, playing dumb footy, the LCD screen was covered in spit, beer, wine, popcorn, and chips.

My poor and very expensive telly will be smashed in to smithereens if my Blue boys lose to Adelaide.

Song to learn and sing; “Shaddap you Face” – Joe Dolce 

West Coast Eagles Eternal thanks to your boys for finally breaking the spell of their winning streak.

Matey you can wipe the grin off your face; I’m still incredibly cheesed off with what your lot did to my boys in round 4.

This is retribution for the Saints being smart arses.

Song to learn and sing: “Don’t worry, Be Happy” – Bobby McFerrin

TIPSMASTER’s NOTE: Uccello molto stimolante! Ora ho intenzione di andare a far crescere una triglia!

(Very inspiring indeed BYRD! I’m now going to go and grow a mullet!)

pic: touchofitalytonawanda.com

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WINNERS ARE GRINNERS

Winners are grinners!

DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP tipsters Trish Fearn from team MAGPIE TRISH and Ian Jones from team IS IT SEPTEMBER YET? are enjoying life and celebrity as they celebrate being our two jackpot winners so far after 7 rounds of the DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP.

This has been an incredibly difficult season for tipstering so our jackpot winners are extra worthy of their cash prizes. Keep up your good work tipsters and you too may be celebrating a life of prestige and privelidge as a DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP JACKPOT WINNER!

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