I will survive…Giro Numero Sedici…(Round 16)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are questioning who can survive the weekly scandles and scuttlebut of an AFL season.


What on earth is wrong with the AFL football this season?

Is the AFL football completely out of control?


The ugly incidents that has been mounting up recently in the AFL in the last few weeks have been unfortunately too frequent:

  • The Bachar “Hooligan” Houli including Tom “Thug” Bugg hits.
  • That brutal punch to a local footballer – Dale “Prevail” Saddington knocking him unconscious during a local game by the AFL diversity manager – Ali “Brawler” Fahour, now banned indefinitely and rightly so from playing or officiating any future football matches.
  • This weekend gone by, St Kilda forward – Tim “Grim” Membery and Collingmaguirewood’s midfielder – Levi “Shitwood” Greenwood appear certain to be handed suspensions for their high hits.
  • Richmond captain Trent “Bent” Cotchin continues to walk a fine line with his on field antics and aggression, despite the fact he gut punched St Kilda’s Jack “Lone Ranger” Lonie on Saturday night.
  • Former North Melbourne legend – Glenn “Sloucher” Archer has been charged over an alleged assault at his son’s junior football match in Melbourne in June of this year.


Since round 9, remember the sledging controversy?

AFL CEO – Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan and football Operations Manager – Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean ordered a reset on intentional punches, so far 13 players have been found guilty of intentional strikes to the body.


No surprises that the Match Review Panel (MRP) is going to be exceptionally busy before this season will come to an end.

Brownlow medalist – Jimmy “I’ll See Ya Jimmy!” Bartel who sits on the AFL’s Match Review Panel is concerned about all of these incidents. The Panel is discussing the possibility of issuing red cards at the elite level.


Is this manner in conducting oneself an excuse for survival in a professional sporting existence to carry on playing ruthlessly in this blue-blooded game of ours?


Men behaving badly?


There is a matter of business to be taken care of as to who will actually survive this week let alone this season.







“Safe as houses!” Declared Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke. Adding: “My Crows and I are invincible!”


Walking around with his bible and a giant gold crucifix, dousing Holy Water to his beloved Bulldogs for protection, ever the faithful, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge beseeched: “To whom much is given, from him much will be required.”


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


“I don’t settle for second best! We will win the AFL Grand Final, you hear me boys! It’s not negotiable!” Threatened Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron to his uncultivated misfits.


Taking a more precautionary approach, Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson openly confessed: “Behind every scar, there is an untold story of survival.”




John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold took full advantage of Buck’s dilemma: “There’s talk circulating around the AFL that you could possibly head back north again and coach the Gold Coast Bums. You were known as that grizzly bear. Better than nothing mate!”


Nathan “I’m A Gonner” Buckley already in the firing line this year could only manage this incentive: “I’ve already been through hell. So I tell my boys give it your best shot.

Not only will I survive, we should probably win!”




“Look who’s laughing now? People always doubted me from the beginning of this season.

Well up yours! We will survive and we will revisit the AFL Grand Finals! So there!” Affirmed an unforgiving John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire.


Rodney “Rocket!” Eade wasn’t so sure: “I think I should be okay, I know I’m under pressure, but surely my job is saved by virtue of the Gold Coast Bum’s performance over the last month right?”




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott secret coaching formula is finally revealed, he sings this little ditty to his Cats before every game: “I’m a little smart arse fat and stout, here is my finger, here is my mouth. When I get all worked up I will shout, piss me off and I’ll knock you out!”


“I’m doing okay with the kids. I’ll be staying on, there’s still a lot of work that needs to be done.” Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan was unusually optimistic given the fact that his toothless Lions will no doubt be awarded with the raspberry prize of AFL football, the wooden spoon.


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson survivorship skills: “Don’t fear me when I’m my angry and screaming. Fear me when I’m angry and quiet because I’m plotting my revenge!”


Damian “Hardly” Hardwick, typically in La La land, scratching his head, questioning his Tigers as they could only horrifically look on: “I was going to do something, then I got distracted for 5 seconds and then I forgot again! Who are playing against this round?”












“Don’t bother playing this game son, we all know that at some point you are going to be given the flick, the vacancy in Collingmaguirewood prison doors are inviting you in.” Ross “No Longer The Boss” knew it was only a matter of time.


“So you think you’re safe, do you?” Barked Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott.

“Then again it will cost the club a bloody fortune to pay you out.

“How could you do this to them? You coward!”




Brendon “Thor!” Bolton, clearly frustrated had only this to say: “If there is no struggle, there is no progress!”


Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was noble with this statement: “My Demons are so good, they simply cannot be ignored.”


West Coast Eagles


Self assured, Adam “Go West!” Simpson declared: “You poor things, we can destroy anyone in seconds.”


“You’ve survived 100% of everything in your life so far, so there’s a pretty good chance that you will not survive whatever is next!” Ken “Kinky” Hinkley retorted.


Survival of the fittest?


For how much longer?







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Do you really want to hurt me?


Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?…Giro Numero Quindici…(Round 15)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are offering a valuable lesson for all footballers when it comes to smacking, whacking and knocking an opponent out cold.

Uproar has surfaced this week in the AFL, the use of character references from the Prime Minister himself, Malcolm “The Smiling Assassin” Turnbull and media personality and academic Waleed “Wally” Aly in Richmond’s defender – Bachar “Hooligan” Houli’s defense at the AFL Tribunal.

Bachar Houli was given a two-week suspension for his backhand hit on Carlton’s Jed “Return Of The Jedi” Lamb, a strike that left Lamb concussed and out for the remainder of the game.

Houli categorically denied striking Lamb in the head, he even declared: “It’s false, absolutely false. I’ve never hit anyone in my life.”


What transpired next is that Houli’s counsel submitted character references from the PM, via a transcript of a speech given at a function at Punt Road the following Monday and from Gold Logie winner Waleed Aly.


Former Match Review Panel member, Nathan “The Guv’nor” Burke quickly criticised the use of character references from the Prime Minister as well as the media personality saying:

“He would much prefer to see the incidents viewed and graded purely on their merit.”

This led to more bickering, another former Tribunal member, Daniel “The Dan” Harford quoting: “There is a case to suggest that if you make intentional contact with a forceful flaying arm to the head of an opponent, to knock him out cold straight away, you should be looking at six weeks.” Adding: “Somehow, we ended up with a two week ban, which is manifestly inaccurate and I have no doubt that the AFL will challenge the verdict.”


And the AFL did.


The AFL has succeeded in it’s historic first ever appeal of a Tribunal decision.

Bachar Houli was suspended for four matches on Thursday night after the AFL’s appeal against the decision of it’s own tribunal was upheld.


It really does not matter how good a player is or how they represent themselves within the wider community, it does not account how good a bloke is outside the field, it has no relevance to what he does on the field.

Quite simply, Houli made an error; therefore he needs to be disciplined appropriately within the jurisdiction of this game regardless of what happens in his day to day life.


How would these throngs define whacking to avoid another smacking from the AFL Tribunal along with the AFL administrators?






Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was in no mood for Longmire or his Swans, pointing an accusing finger, yelling out just before kick off: “Oi! Johnno! Go cry over there!”


John “Here’s Johnny” Longmire grinning viciously, shot back: “We’ll kill you with success and then bury your lot with a smile!”


Western Bulldogs


Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge seemed troubled with his Bulldogs performance as they are slipping further away from the top eight. His usual calmness diminished, cautioning his disciples the following: “Be ye therefore ready also, for the son of man cometh at an hour when ye think not.”


Adam “Go West!” Simpson contemptuously condemned: “The Eagles are professional football players, they don’t mess around, you hurt them, watch out! My boys kick balls for a living!”




Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke had nothing but praise for the Crows blistering success so far this season: “To watch my team push themselves further than they think they can, it’s a beautiful thing.”


Laughing hysterically, Brendon “Thor!” Bolton issued the following to Donald after hearing his adorations for his Crows: “Well I set my DVR for The Biggest Loser, it keeps recording Adelaide Crows games.”


Gold Coast Bums


Rodney “Rocket” Eade was flipping from one AFL rule to another, questioning his own beliefs: “When you call a ball is out but it’s actually in. Shouldn’t have said that. I should NOT have said that!”


Staring down at the blackened entrance of the abyss, the bottom of AFL ladder, Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott was brutal and quite frankly hurtful, lashing out mercilessly:

“Time to bow out, flake out, leg it, and wash your hands of this competition old man if you cannot even recall the last game your Bums played, let alone the rules!”


GWS (Geez1…Which State?)


“Just give me a ball, a field and someone to embarrass.” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron was sanguine with this particular outcome.


“Is that a fact Leo? Our code of football is still trying to teach your Barbarians and yourself how to actually play AFL football, not rugby you twat!” Retorted Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott.


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was explicit: “Listen up fellas, you don’t get what you wish for, you get what you work for!”


Damian “Hardly” Hardwick egotistically revealed: “Haters gonna hate, deflators gonna deflate.”




As the siren sounded for the commencement of the game, John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold pulled Fagan aside inquisitively: “Any of you guys know the rules?”


Curling his right hand into a tight fist ready for attack, Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan threatened: “Hurt me and you’re going to feel pain. Hurt any of my boys and you’re going to need an ambulance!”




“I’m sorry was that your face I just hit?” Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson felt the need just to whack Bucks, for no apparent reason at all.


“Nice wig Clarko. What is it made out of? Your wife’s chest hair?” Nathan “Definitely A Gonner” Buckley quipped, smacking Alistair across his head.




“Hey! Whatcha thinkin about Coach?” Questioned the Dockers to Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon as he was just kneeling down pulling grass at Domain Stadium.

“I dunno, winning and stuff.” Was all Ross could articulate?


As the football world knows it, the AFL Tribunal will be exceptionally busy before this season is well and truly over.






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Never Gonna Give You Up!…Giro Numero Quattordici…(Round 14)…


Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are polishing their coaching daggers but maintain they are ‘Never gonna give you up’

More than half way into this season it’s the conversation of the security of some coaches’ jobs again as a hot topic.

Most fans are buoyant about their side’s chances at making a finals push or even a premiership inclination, but for some, the talk around their club is centered on the coach and his future.

Nathan “Definitely A Gonner!” Buckley, Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott, and Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson are the men who are feeling the heat at this very moment.

Bucks is refusing to give up finals despite the Magpies 31-point defeat at the hands of Port Adelaide on Sunday.

The Pies are in their fourth consecutive year without finals, a grim reality for the club.

Scott dropped a bombshell in the AFL football world along with his faithful supporters by culling four beloved club veterans last season.

Now he is swallowing the bitterest pill in his coaching career for ruthlessly giving the bum’s rush to arguably North Melbourne’s best veterans in the club ever to pull on a Kangaroo Guernsey.

Clarko has being fined a whopping $20,000 for his umpire spray recently, adding to his woes,

Alistair was once renowned for being considered one of the best senior coaches of his time. He is now grappling with the impending plausibility that his flightless Hawks could possibly be crowned with the raspberry prize of the AFL since 1965 …that bloody wooden spoon!


Safe guarding their validity within their own clubs, the other AFL senior coaches are fighting for their rights to hold on to what they have still got…a job!




Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke: “I’m not gonna give up, shut up or let up until I’m taken up, as a matter of fact I’m just warming up.”


Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson: “I’m allowed to scream and cry, but I won’t  f*****g give up!”




John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire: “Never ever give up unless there is something good on TV…me!”


John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold: “Life is too short to have to work along with a mutton head like you.”



Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley to Buckley: “Before you give up, think of the reason why you held on for so bloody long.”


Nathan “Definitely A Gonner!” Buckley painfully confessed: “There’s a difference between giving up and just not wanting to take someone’s shit anymore!”


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron: “Ever tried, ever failed, no matter try again. Fail again. Fail better.”


Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan: “There’s a difference between in giving up and knowing when you have had enough!”


Western Bulldogs


Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge: “Give up your ego Bradley and you will find God!”


Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott: “Give my regards to your holiness, I never tried quitting and I never quit trying!”




Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin eloquently had this to say just before kick off in way out west:

“Thou shalt not stress over the opinion of an irrelevant little shit!”


Adam “Go West!” Simpson skillfully barked: “I will not let anyone walk in my mind with their dirty feet. No what I mean?”




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott bluntly had this to say: “Fear is a habit; so is self pity, defeat, anxiety and despair. It is what it is. I’m never ever giving up!”


“Rubbish Christopher! Even if others give up on you, never give up on yourself, that is the determination, power, strength to thrive in this game.” Scolded Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon.




Surrendering definitely is not on Brendon “Thor!” Bolton watch.

He is not even bothered about the insecurity of his job. With his trademark Cheshire cat grin, Bolts sang merrily to this tune on the way to the MCG: “Twinkle Twinkle little star, point me to the nearest bar.”


Damian “Hardly” Hardwick: “Of course I always talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.” Concluding: “Through my own consultation and recommendation, when you’re giving up, someone is still going.”


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson: “I am a skilled professional in pointing out the obvious and I speak fluent in sarcasm.”


Rodney “Rocket” Eade: “I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times just to be sure.”


Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn you round and desert you.


We’ll see.




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Superstition!…Giro Numero Tredici…(Round 13)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are daring into the AFL world of suspicion. Do you dare to follow in the round of 13?


The number 13 is considered to be unlucky one to quite a number of people.

Fear of the number 13 has specifically being recognized with fear if not superstitions.

Presently, rotten luck has once more reared its ugly head for some of these clubs.

September was looking pretty rosy a few weeks back for some of these clubs including a few of the senior coaches, regrettably the AFL finals is now only a distant illusion.

Superstition the fear and notion that someone or something is sending you negative vibes could be the likely answer?


Is that what is really happening to some of these once upon a time affluent AFL clubs?

Devil’s won luck? Hardship? Temporary setback? Rotten luck?


Are these football teams trying too hard, avoiding superstition or are they in actual fact a bunch of colossal idiots giving us poor dear punters Mary Hell when it comes to tipping?


These fellas, they seem to think their poor performances so far is based on the number thirteen that has befallen on them and the dark cloud of superstition is certainly to blame.




Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scotty dreads cats, especially the Black variety.

The black cat known characteristics is independence, willfulness and stealth.

According to Christopher, these felines are to be kept at a very long distance, as the black cat is deemed guilty of witchery in association even in AFL football.


Remedy: Abundant supplies of Dine – New selections gourmet delight delivered daily to his genetic code of his twin brother Bradley and the entire North Melbourne Football club.


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson along with his Saints are constantly walking under or around the AFL ladder so to speak inviting bad luck and negative spirits around their club.


Remedy: Leave the AFL ladder alone, walk away and give some other club a go.

Much safer.



Peeing on the road.

John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire has a fight on his hands.

Constantly reminding his Swans to not mark any territory before or during a game, they will all end up getting sty in their eyes.


Remedy: Too far gone we’re afraid, pretty sums up their abominable if not inadequate post AFL Grand Final performance. Incurable!


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley is scared out of his wits catching any of his Ports sleeping on a table.

Admittedly these boys have done this on numerous occasions during a pub-crawl, no stopping them now!

Thirteen weeks into this current season and you want to rehabilitate these misfits?


Remedy: We can’t think of any!




According to Brendon “Thor!” Bolton his theory for their ups and downs this season is:

The Malocchio or the evil eye.

It’s the look that one person gives another if they are jealous or envious.

According to Italian folklore, those giving the Malocchio can cause harm to someone else.

It is just another way of putting a curse on others that can cause physical pain such as a headache, stomachache or even cause misfortune.


Remedy: Wear a navy blue cornetto or corno (Traditionally known as the the horn, usually made of gold) that resembles a chili pepper around your neck and chant out loud: “Vai via “Mea Colpa” Malthouse!” slamming the doors shut at Carlton Headquarters – IKON Park three times firmly in his face!


Western Bulldogs


Violation of “The Ten Commandments” is troubling Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge of late.

He has every reason to feel unsettled after their win in the 10th round and the week after his beloved Bulldogs were on a bye, thanks to the modern rules of the AFL imposed by the Administrators.

Into the following week of competition, things have not gone according to “St. Luke’s” plan; he sees the bye round as a definite curse, a desecration to this game.


Remedy: Walk into the AFL Headquarters – Docklands, with a megaphone.

Read the entire Ten Commandments to Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan including to his nut job football general manager Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean.

Conclusively engulfing the office in a herculean tidal wave to teach “McMoron and “Lethal Weapons” a valuable lesson about dignity, respect and recognition of the old laws of this sacred game.



Everything is superstitious, in this sporting world, the writing is on the wall and the AFL ladder is about to fall…on somebody.


Look out!






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Under Pressure

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are wondering if you are all Under pressure? If so you may ease things with their annual mid year AFL report.


Once again, the mid season is upon us, time now to begin with the mid year report on the AFL coaching mindset.

Without a doubt this would have to be one of the most unpredictable season for quite some time as far as game playing is concerned, flip the other side of the coin, the benchmark in pointing the comparison with the coaching outlook has been dealt with heavy scrutiny.

In particular with some notable coaches and their clubs, unless they can get their teams to succeed in doing what the club wants them to achieve, win some games.

The 2017 season is shaping up to be as a make or break one for a number of AFL sides and their coaches.


The curse and the torment of the mid season, before too long someone will eventually feel anxious, stress and unwillingly due to pressure will have to call it a day.


Who will be facing the AFL guillotine?




Don “Is Don…Is Good! Pyke is proving to be a formidable operator with his Crows, highly likely they will revisit the finals in September…again!

Looks as though the big kahuna has already charted his geographical map into the finals.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 9.5/10 – Guts and stamina.




Seeing that this is Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan’s first season as their senior coach, at this stage whatever wins will be a positive one, let’s just give him time to sculpt his Lions into a more competitive side.

Don’t bother with bootless errands or you will be literally torn to shreds.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 3.5/10 – Snail Trailing.




Brendon “Thor!” Bolton is still relatively new to the role who is fielding an inexperienced list; he needs to win more games unless he wants to end up like his predecessor – “Mea Colpa” Malthouse.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5/10 – Growth -Too much yapping will send these boys packing.




Since Nathan “I’m Gonna Be Sacked Sooner Rather Than Later” Buckley tenure as the senior coach, beyond question is his survival has been much to speculate and is under pressure more than any other senior coach in the league.

Clearly admired by his administrators and his players, but will that be enough?


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 1/10 – Unwanted. Believe the truth Bucks!




Not much has happened since John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold has come on board.

Give him due credit, he had to take steps in moving this club forward after a tumultuous four long years of extreme hardship.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6/10 – Forget and Respect.




Ross “ No Longer The Boss” Lyon maintains to develop and produce young recruits, but he still seems to rely heavily on the older players leading to massive defeats.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 2.5/10 – Asininity and stupidity.




After a slow start, Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott has surprised quite a few with their winning formula. Can he take the Cats to the finals? Another flag?


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 7.5/10 – Cool for Cats.


Gold Coast Bums


Cursed by injuries and the desertion of several key players, Rodney “Rocket” Eade’s contract expires at the end of this season; he needs to finish this season off on a high.

Can he do it?


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 4.5/10 – Stubborn.


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


Leon “King of Leon” Cameron has been sanctified with the AFL’S current list.

The ladder leading Giants are a premiership favourite midway through the season.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 8/10 – No fear.




Considered one of the best Coaches of the modern era, the Hawks are at crossroads.

Contracted through 2019, Clarko needs to stop thinking that the football world owes him a living.

AFL football and his club were here first!


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 3/10 – End of an era?




Still finding his feet, Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin and the Demons are desperate to see their side in the finals. If not, Goodwin will probably be blamed for another missed opportunity.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.5/10 – Uncertain if not unsettled.






North Melbourne


Committed to rebuild and restore the club after sending off Brent “Legend” Harvey and several other players last season much to all our disgust, Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott is determined to focus on still being competitive, regardless of his critics.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.o/10 – Ruthlessly vindictive.


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley will be off contract at the end of this year, anything short of the finals will leave him vulnerable and unsafe.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5.5/10 – Facetious.




Damian “Hardly” Hardwick has turned his fortunes around; only recently Damo admitted that he was nearly sacked last year. Contracted through next year, he will surely get an extension.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 5/10 – Bold.


St Kilda


Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson is incredibly lucky that he still has Nick “Dikileaks” Riewoldt in the team, so far so good.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6.5/10 – Fortune favours the brave.




John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire along with his unsteady crew will have to sail a very long journey if they want to revisit the finals this year.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 4/10 – Twelve weeks in a leaky boat.


West Coast Eagles


Adam “Go West!” Simpson took the Eagles to a grand final in 2015 remember?

Not sure if he can pull this one through. Still finding their form.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 6.0/10 – Temperamental. One week they’re hot and the next they’re cold.


Western Bulldogs


Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge is locked in until the end of 2020 after last year’s premiership.

A brilliant negotiator, mentor as well as being admired and esteemed by the wider football community and beyond.


Italian Correspondent’s Survival Score: 10/10 – Immortal.





Run with the ball or you will fall.








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Embarrassment!…Giro Numero Undici…(Round 11)….


Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are feeling a touch embarrassed about their DGES WORLD FAMOUS FOOTY TIPPING COMP prowess this season..are you feeling the same?

Have you ever felt embarrassed?

  • Singing with your headphones, not realizing how loud you are.
  • That embarrassing moment when you need to do a silent fart, suddenly a sneeze comes that makes you fart out loud. (Come on you lot! Fess up!)
  • Awkward moment when you’re talking about someone and that person is standing right behind you.
  • When you get mad at someone and you slam the door then realized you forgot something so you have to go back.
  • Looking at something else then walk into a tree or pole and everyone stares at you.
  • Waving at someone you think you know but you actually don’t.
  • Typing out a text or email in a rush and sending it to the wrong person.


We all know that feeling of discomfort, self-consciousness, shame and uneasiness.


In particular sports is at it’s finest when the performances are executed with precision and perfection, which is why awkward and embarrassing moments in any sports seems so jarring.

It just doesn’t feel right.

Sports builds character, while other argues it reveals character. The truth is that sport is filled with characters, some sketchy, others reckless and still others bizarre.

We love watching sports for the triumphs, but also for the failures including the personal imperfection.


Progressing on to the eleventh round in this rampaging if not an unpredictable 2017 AFL season. The blemishes are beginning to surface, blotches of paranoia, discolouration of self-doubt, speckles of a setback, and the unavoidable breakouts of gloom.


Should any of these teams be compelled to feel apologetic, crushed, embarrassed, hesitant, regretful or offensively with egg on their face?


Currently the state of wonder is certainly one for the books.


Port Adelaide


Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was on a roll, taking full advantage of Clarkson’s descending spiral with his flightless Hawks: “Hey Clarko! Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will never regret about your wingless Doves.”

Astonishingly withholding his anger, with ease, Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson replied: “An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his pathetic fools.”








Infuriated that his revered Crows most likely will be knocked off the top spot, Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke without reserve bluntly humiliated the following: “Christopher, just because you don’t get it, doesn’t mean you’re stupid. It means you actually are.”

“Yeah Donald be that as it may, the difference between stupidity and genius, is that genius has its limits.” Disgraced Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott.


West Coast Eagles


Munching on an apple, Adam “Go West!” Simpson gave the low-down of his intention to Rodney: “An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough!”

Unfazed by Adam’s cheap shot Rodney “Rocket” Eade eloquently observed: “Well Simpson, you are definitely on the spectrum of socially awkward.”


GWS (Geez!…Which State?)


Pleased as punch that Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron along with his misfits has the inconceivable misfortune in sitting at Numero Uno on the almighty AFL ladder, audaciously Leon bit: “You know Johnno, I’m not saying we’re perfect, in fact my boys and I know that we are and we’re worth it.” Egotistically adding much to Worsfold chagrin: “It’s embarrassing to be stars.”

“I wish Leo you were fluent in silence!” John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold was evidently flustered with GWS phenomenal performance so far.


North Melbourne


Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scott telling it like it is to Hardwick about his Kangaroos substandard performance of late conceding: “I’m easily embarrassed, that means I am more trustworthy, loyal, honest and generous as a person.”

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick was not even entertained by this admission, repelling with this fast knock down: “Being sarcastic on a regular basis can add 3 years to your life Bradley, praise and flattery about yourself will shorten your life.”




Still coming to terms with the disgraceful defeat last round of Ahem!…100 points!

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon unrealistically justified: “It’s only embarrassing if you cared what other people think.”

Bewildered by Lyon’s shortsighted standpoint, Nathan “Sooner Or Later I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley without reserve confessed: “I’ve been embarrassing myself publicly for over 20 years. Why should I stop now?”


Is this all a faux pas or failure to perform a duty if not a moral contractual obligation?


Unseemly the temporal length of this game will soon be revealed.





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Hit And Run!…Giro Numero Dieci…(Round 9)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV have consulted Maltese Rockstar Joe Camilleri to find out about the HIT AND RUN that has the AFL heavyweights with their jumpers in a twist because of the AFL Jumper punches.


Here we go again…

If it is not sledging one week, we now have the controversial jumper punches swooping in from the economical offices of the AFL boss – Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan and his football general manager Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean.

At the same time, the duo’s insight have not introduced the new rule as such, they have ordered that the punishments be strengthened when unruly and grumpy jumpers take it upon themselves to punch the stomachs, chins, jaws of other players.


“Lethal Weapons” commented on Tuesday: “My view is that I don’t like the current practice of on-field punches by players. I am strong on that view.

“As of this weekend’s matches, players and clubs are on notice that we don’t tolerate it. Adding: “The MRP (Match Review Panel) is well aware of my views and the views of the AFL on this. I also don’t believe we need to make any changes to the rules or the guidelines for the MRP to implement our views.”


To be fair, the MRP were not aware of this new recommendation and the mind-set of the AFL, perhaps even if they were, then the football general manager is a complete idiot.

Obviously, “Lethal Weapons” aspect in glimpsing the look including the outlook in this perspective picture, in prospecting the scene, sight, vision and the ways of this marvelous game we all love, is his reason to apply the rules with logic and clarity?

The maddening question is why has it taken the AFL such a long time to see the jumper punch for what it is?

If we were to deconstruct this code of football or any game for one miniscule detail, then the game will recede very quickly, diminishing everything from it that makes this sport so unique.


On that note, Dear Punters, being traditionalists that we all are, any administrators, senior coaches and players you would like to jumper punch or punch?




Establishing the Cats winning formula, Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott was blunt: “People say everything happens for a reason”.

“So when I punch you in the face, remember I have a reason.”

Giving Chris the kiss of death, Ken “Kinky” Hinkley fated: “If you got punched every time you lied Christopher, you’d be dead!”




“Ignoring you is the easiest way from punching you.” John “Here’s Johnny! Longmire cursed to Clarko.

Clutching his right hand into a tight fist, Alistair “Angry Little Man” Clarkson threatened: “There’s something about your ugly mug that makes me want to punch you in the face right now!”

Western Bulldogs


Ever the faithful prophet, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge avowed to Richardson before the game: “Who is not with me is against me, and whoever does not gather with me scatters.”

“Sure Luke, you seem to always have a plan until you actually get punched in the mouth!” Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson growled, storming off towards his treasured Saints.




Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was sick to his back teeth hearing Eade continuously gloating on about the Gold Coast Bums recent trip to Shanghai a couple of weeks back, intimidating:

“I will hit you so hard, even Google won’t be able find you! Bloody windbag!”

Rodney “Rocket” Eade wasn’t even bothered with Goodwins’ disrespect towards him, validating: “I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”




Pinching his left index finger and thumb together, John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold is livid after reading recently through social media about Hardwick’s “Clouded” interpretation on the new jumper gut punches.

“You’re THIS CLOSE in getting your throat punched Damo!

“You just can’t seem to keep that fat trap of yours shut! Since when did you become our spokesperson you flippant tool!”

“Keep your head high Jonathan and I’ll keep raising my middle finger towards you even higher.” Damian “Hardly” Hardwick pompously swaggered passed Worsfold giggling almost resembling “The Prince Regent” from The Black Adder.




Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke dispatched the following message to Ross: “I may look calm, but in my head I’ve already punched you in the face three times.”

“A penny for your thoughts seems a little pricey Donald!” Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon ridiculed.




Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan loathed the mere fact of his delicate Cubs playing against the beastly Pies, lamenting: “Bucks just needs a high five…in the face…with a chair!”

Torturing Fagan even further as the Lions are still listless on the almighty AFL ladder, Nathan “Sooner Or Later I’m Gonna Be Sacked!” Buckley oppressed: “The AFL needs your club like water in my lungs.”




Brendon “Thor!” Bolton could smell Brad “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott and his Kangaroos from a mile away, pinching his nose, Bolts revealed: “Common sense is like deodorant. The people who needs it most never uses it.”

Fuming, Brad “Beam Me Down Scotty” Scotty challenged: “Despite medical advances, there is no known cure for someone who needs a punch in the face, except for an actual punch in the face!”


GWS (Geez! Which State?)


“I’m not trying to hit you or throw you in the nearest garbage tip Adam, I just want this game to mine.” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron petitioned.

Laughing hysterically, Adam “ Go West!” Simpson heckled: “Threats are the last resort from a man with absolutely no vocabulary.”


In that case, I suppose we gotta keep putting a boot in, running, hiding, cause it’s gonna get to you.





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