The Time Of Your Life!…Giro Numero Ventitré…(Round 23)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV pay tribute to the many AFL retirees of 2017.

Once more here we all are at the final round of AFL season 2017.

Many of the game’s AFL greats are hanging up their boots preparing for the last goodbye either this weekend or in the finals.

The AFL classes of 2017 retirees are:

 

• Adelaide – Scott “Thommo” Thompson.
• Carlton – Dennis “Blueseum” Armfield.
• Collingmaguirewood – Jesse “The Unit” White.
• Essendon – Jobe “Jobe Wan” Watson.
• Essendon – James “Kell” Kelly.
• Essendon – Brent “Stants” Stanton.
• Greater Western Shitney – Steve “Stevie” Johnson.
• Hawthorn – Luke “Podge” Hodge.
• Hawthorn – Jack “Fitzy” Fitzpatrick.
• Hawthorn – Josh “Gibbo” Gibson.
• Richmond – Ivan “Mullet Wig” Maric.
• St Kilda – Nick For the last time Punters > “Dikileaks” Riewoldt.
• St Kilda – Sean “Dempsey” Dempster.
• West Coast Eagles – Matt “Goldilocks” Priddis.
• West Coast Eagles – Sam “The Butler” Butler.
• West Coast Eagles – Sam “Mitch” Mitchell.
• Western Bulldogs – Matthew “Keith At The Kennel” Boyd.
• Western Bulldogs – Robert “The Mail Man” Murphy.

 

Quite a hefty lists this year; some of these players were key figures, spiritual leaders within their clubs, in particular Robert Murphy.

Despite missing out on football’s biggest occasion the 2016 premiership due to an injury, this year’s class of retirees is quite an exceptional one with many of the game’s great are preparing to say goodbye.

Thereupon, there are many footballers that will see their top-level careers ended shortly, some not by choice.

Crucially, these retired footballers should not float around through the first year of retirement, instead have some definitive goals otherwise there will be a lot of spare time and boredom.

 

Boredom can quickly lead to damaging things.

 

In this high pressure-sporting portfolio, one must always be prepared for setting forth and setting out embracing retirement as a parting passage retreating to a brand new life of freedom.

Adelaide

 

Workhorse Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke isn’t slowing down anytime too soon:

“The trouble with retiring is that you never get a day off!”

 

Brisbane

 

Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan completely miffed that his Lions were dishonoured with the raspberry prize of AFL football justified: “There are some who start their retirement long before they start working.”

 

Carlton

 

Indispensible Brendon “Thor!” Bolton was explicit to Carlton president – Mark “Mambo Itaiiano” LoGiudice about hiring stating the obvious: “It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.”

 

Collingmaguirewood

 

Unshackling the burden of Nathan “Hasta La Vista” Buckley’s presence and age, with his usual candor, Eddie “Collingmaguire” Maguire spat: “You and your teeth don’t sleep together!”

 

Essendon

 

John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold viewed his future with trepidation: “If I retire everything will hurt and what doesn’t hurt won’t work.”

 

Fremantle

 

“Before I decide to take early retirement from my job, try staying at home for a week and watch daytime television.” Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon isn’t planning to go anywhere.

 

Geelong

 

“The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income. Chris ”Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott had the Geelong administrators wrapped around his fingers.

 

Gold Coast Bums

 

Comically, new kid on the block, Dean “Salmon” Solomon laughed off their shameful 115 points defeat foolishly entertaining: “It’s nice to get out of the rat race, but you have to learn to get along with less cheese.”

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?)

 

Sleepy head Leon “King of Leon” Cameron confessed: “At least I won’t have to set my alarm clock for you lot anymore!”

 

Hawthorn

 

Winning the popularity contest, Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson feared:

“The down side about retirement is having to drink coffee on your own.”

 

Melbourne

 

Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was optimistic: “My idea of night out is sleeping on the patio.”

 

North Melbourne

 

“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” Brad “Beam Me Down Way Below Scotty” Scott is ticking in with a fighting chance.

 

Port Adelaide

 

Smarmy Port Adelaide chairman, David “Kochie” Koch insulted Ken “Kinky” Hinkley with the following about retiring: “Getting “lucky” means you remember where you left your car in the car park!”

 

Richmond

 

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick confusion may probably be his solution: “When I retire, it’s going to be bloody hard to be able to tell the difference.”

 

St Kilda

 

Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson made no bones about his own retirement plans: “I’ll be doing what I want when I want!”

 

Shitney

 

Reputation still intact, John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire does not even have to try:

“I enjoy waking up and not having to go to work. I already do it three or four times a day.”

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Forever young, Adam “Go West!” Simpson anticipated with horror: “I’ll end up having more hairs in my ears and nose than on my head!”

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Touching his hand sequentially on to his forehead as he made the sign of the cross, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge with his arms outstretched, clutching on to his holy bible and crucifix, drenched the Bulldogs administrators with holy water, then pontificated: “Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word.”

 

 

 

This has been a unforgettable ride for AFL season 2017.

 

It certainly did not disappoint, plenty of dramas, scandals, shame files and an end of a many splendoured era in this year’s football.

 

Thanks for the memories.

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/CnQ8N1KacJc

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Pub With No Beer!…Giro Numero Ventidue…(Round 22)…

The Pub With No Beer!…Giro Numero Ventidue…(Round 22)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV question what life would be like at at Pub With No Beer… I dread to think of it…

 

This coming Saturday history will be created when the town of Ballarat hosts its first ever VFL/AFL game.

Situated along the Midland Highway Wendouree, an outer suburb of Ballarat, Eureka Stadium will be the venue to be used.

Luckily for the locals they are not going to be treated to a dodgy match either, far from it.

Eureka stadium was built in 1990; the stadium has been used for many events such as the North Ballarat Cricket Club, as well as the annual Athletics Carnival.

The facility today is home of the North Ballarat Football Club of the Victorian Football League.

The match lined up between the Western Bulldogs and Port Adelaide is going to be absolutely massive.

The Bulldogs must win this game in order to keep their finals fairytale alive, avoiding the sporting critics in labeling them as a one premiership wonder, inevitably turning them back into pumpkins; whereas Port Adelaide much to our indignation are aiming to hold on to the top four spot on the almighty AFL ladder.

 

According to the Bureau of Meteorology earlier in the week, this particular match might be affected with snow; since then the blizzard conditions has been downgraded to light showers.

 

Perhaps if the other AFL clubs were given the opportunity to play a game in the historical town of Ballarat, what would be their pre-match warm up?

• Grueling training schedule to acclimatize with the freezing conditions.
• Motivational tutorials including podcasts from their perspective clubs.
• Dynamic lunge stretching exercises helping with strength mobility and sprinting.
• Backward skipping.

 

Most definitely a mighty fine glass of lager, seeing that the season is drawing to an end, why train when you can spend the weekend away with your mates at a local watering hole right?

 

Raise your glasses Punters, a toast to all of the AFL senior coaches heading towards a local pub some where in the outskirts of Ballarat that will be serving no beer!

 

Cheers! 

Adelaide

 

“To drink or not to drink? What a stupid bloody question!” Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke would rather have spent the weekend away with his family at a winery some where in the Adelaide hills.

 

Brisbane Lions

 

“Sorry no WI-FI. Talk to each other instead!” Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan read the sign as he nervously entered inside the pub, approaching the bar, another sign: “This pub has no beer.”

 

Carlton

 

“Censosillicaphobia: The fear of an empty beer glass!” Brendon “Thor!” Bolton read out loud to the others as he picked up the pub’s signature coasters.

 

Collingmaguirewood

 

Reasoning with the bartender, Nathan “Hasta La Vista” Buckley pleaded: “To me drink responsibly, means don’t spill! In that case do you have any ciders?”

 

Essendon

 

John ”The Other Johnny!” Longmire tried to clear up and comfort his already frustrated coaching companions soothing: “Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.”

 

Fremantle

 

Ross “No Longer The Boss!” Lyon unconvincingly declared: “Beer will save the world!

I don’t know how, but it will!”

 

Geelong

 

“Camping with no beer, it’s just like sitting in the woods!” Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott tried to reason with the Bartender.

 

Gold Coast Bums

 

Another new kid on the block, Dean “Salmon” Solomon impresses his senior colleagues with his analogy of the golden syrup, advocating: “Beer does not make you fat! It makes you lean…against tables and walls.”

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?)

 

“I like my water with barley and hops, I’m not asking for a beer!” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron interrogated the bartender who was already threatening Leo off his premises.

 

Hawthorn

 

“I’m trying to save your ghost town from water shortages! You would be more environmentally sufficient if you served beer inside your stupid so called pub!” Analyzed Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson.

 

Melbourne

 

“Absolutely no alcohol beyond this point, so stop your bloody whinging!” Yelled the bartender to Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin

 

North Melbourne

 

“Don’t cry over your spilt milk Bradley! It could have easily been your beer!” Lectured his genetic code of his twin brother – Chris.

 

Port Adelaide

 

Trying to put his case forward, Ken “Kinky” Hinkley had this theory: “Beer is the answer, I can’t remember the question.”

 

Richmond

 

Elementary Damian “Hardly” Hardwick came up with the basics: “Dinosaurs had no beer. How did that work out?”

 

St Kilda

 

Poetically, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson professed: “Ashes to Ashes. Dust to Dust. When football is shit. A beer is a must!”

 

Shitney

 

John “Here’s Johnny” Longmire almost started a melee inside the pub with this bold statement: “I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, I’m too busy to have a beer. I don’t give a shit!”

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson teaches the philosophy of the importance of being earnest to the already fed up bartender, educating: “Education is important, but beer is even more importanter!”

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Confirming from his Holiness, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge pledged to the bartender that serving beer is not sinful preaching: “In Heaven there is no beer, that is why we are avowed to drink beer on God’s earth.”

 

 

Fine example these men would be.

 

Beer or no beer that is the question!

 

 

https://youtu.be/8E0aZ387M_I

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Take this job and shove it…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV have the AFL coaching fraternity looking over their shoulders as they ask who could be next to get the old heave ho…

As we have all predicted, the first axe has fallen at the Gold Coast Bums with Rodney “Rocket” Eade being sacked as a senior coach late Monday evening.

Former Essendon premiership player Dean “Salmon” Solomon is to take over for the Gold Coast Bums for the remainder of this season.

Bums chairman – Tony “Norman Gunston” Cochrane said that: The wins-loss ratio is not what we want it to be, not even close.”

Adding: “While there are difficult decisions to make, we need to focus on a future under a new senior coach.”

Chief executive – Mark “Shark” Evans admitted that Eade was clearly disappointed when he told him the news after the meeting, having called around Eade’s house where they shared a glass of wine or two.

 

Last drinks anyone?

 

Eade admitted that he would not have taken on the job in late 2014 had he know the true state of the club.

For example: off-field scandal, a wretched injury list, the departures of talented players and a trade request from star player – Gary “Gazza The Dazzler” Ablett Jnr.

Eade was told on Monday night that he would not have his contract renewed for 2018.

 

Regrettably, this is the sign of times in this cut throat sporting industry of ours, win and your in, lose and your well and truly screwed.

 

How would this lot react if they were given their marching orders?

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge had an accepting if not a distinguished approach: “I understand, it is now in God’s hands.”

 

“Yeah well, we’re gonna be short staffed today.” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron made certain he was indispensable to the executives of the club.

 

Shitney

 

John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire is no quitter: “I’m not fired! You’re fired!”

 

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon finally confessed: ”Not sure if I hate my job or just hate working.”

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott had only this to say: “You will never find another me!”

 

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick prepared himself for the inevitable: “Due to my current workload, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off until further notice!”

 

Gold Coast Bums

 

Shocked and stunned by the Bums Board brutality, Rodney “Rocket!” Eade brazenly concluded: “Take this job and shove it!”

 

“I’d have better leadership skills if I worked with better people.” Examined Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan.

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke without reserve blasted: “Feed your own ego. I’m busy!”

 

John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold spat: “Sorry I annoyed you all by just doing my job.”

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson reminded who indeed is the smart one: “The hardest part of my job is being nice to stupid people like you lot.”

 

Motivationally speaking, Brendon “Thor!” Bolton lectured the following on his swift departure: “Telling me how to do my job really motivates me…to shove my foot up all your arses!”

 

St Kilda

 

Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson reasoned: “ I can only please one person today. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn’t look good either.”

 

“I am putting you all on my to-do list!” Threatened Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin to the Board of Directors.

 

Hawthorn

 

Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson took matters in his own hands: “I can’t come into work today, because I’m so sick of this shit!”

 

Justifying his abysmal performance with his clumsy Roos, Brad “Beam Me Way Down Below Scotty” Scott lamented: “People like you were put on this planet to test my anger management skills.”

 

Port Adelaide

 

Without a care in the world, Ken “Kinky” Hinkley stated: “You know what that sounds like?

Not my problem!”

 

Nathan “Hasta La Vista” Buckley reveals: “It’s just not worth the jail time.”

 

Makes you want to serenade you boss with this fine tune over loud speakers.

 

Tempting huh?

 

 

https://youtu.be/eIjEauGiRLo

 

Position Vacant!…Giro Numero Venti…(Round 20)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV ask who is going to fill the shoes of the Football Operations Manager’s position. They have a unique way of applying to the position too…

Between now and at the end of the year, the AFL will have a new Football Operation Manager that was vacated due the scandalous circumstances by Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean back in mid July of this year.

Expressions of interest closed last Monday for the position left vacant by the departure just over three weeks ago.

So what does the best candidate actually should be looking for?

 

The AFL has listed the selection criteria’s for the best candidate for the job.

 

• Ensuring all AFL and AWL matches are delivered according to the rules and regulations.
• Overseeing the delivery of National AFL Talent Programs to develop and support the best male and female players, coaches and umpires.
• Overseeing AFL umpires to ensure the game is well officiated.
• Leading a large high performance team including all of their portfolios.
• AFLW
• Player education and welfare.
• Ground operations.
• Laws of the game.
• Match Review Panel and the AFL Tribunal.

 

Clearly, what seems to missing in this job description for the new football boss is on-field management of this sport.

What about guiding, nurturing, overseeing the game, demonstrating a vital interest in ensuring the game remains honest and true.

This is a job for someone with a serious interest to what the game should be and who has the guts and determination to take it there.

 

Potential successful applicants have already submitted their CV’s hoping for the top job.

 

Here is a glimpse of these fellas typical distinguishing characteristics and what job they should really be applying for.

 

Adelaide – Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke spends most of the day looking out the window.

The Pilot.

 

Brisbane – Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan is certainly not afraid of heights.

Imagine all the bottles of Windex Chris must go through!

Skyscraper Window Washer.

 

Carlton – Brendan “Thor!” Bolton keeps talking in other people’s sleep.

University Professor.

 

Collingmaguirewood – Nathan “Sayonara!” Buckley keeps running away from his black and white mental defective louts and keeps calling the police.

The Security Guard

 

Essendon – John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold still needs to iron out quite a lot of imperfections to ensure they’re smooth when you see them displayed in the stores.

Wrinkle Chaser (The Shoe Variety).

 

Fremantle – Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon copies and paste things on the Internet.

Student.

 

Geelong – Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott provides therapy for laptops abused by their human owners.                     IT Help Desk at Geelong Grammar.

 

Gold Coast Bums – Rodney “Rocket!” Eade ensures that his stupid Bums stay in the gene pool.                                                Swimming Instructor.

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?…) – Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron needs to have an acute sense for this role; he can work in various industries. Leo is a veteran of this already with his thugs.                                                      Odour Judge.

 

Hawthorn – Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson shoots couples on their wedding day!

Photographer.

 

Melbourne – Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin houses his Demons’ in.

Property Agent.

 

North Melbourne – Brad “Beam Me Way Down Below” Scott always lies with statistics.

Statistician.

 

Port Adelaide – Ken “Kinky” Hinkley has what it takes to be observant for any inconsistencies with his Ports’ within the excrement collection.

Urinalysis Observer.

 

Richmond – Damian “Hardly” Hardwick is a professional amateur, always wading into areas that he hardly knows anything about.

Social Communications Researcher.

 

St Kilda – Alan “You Can Call Me” Richardson keeps yelling: ”Shark! Shark!…Hey wait a minute…that’s no shark!”            Lifeguard at a Nude Beach.

 

Shitney – John “Here’s Johnny” Longmire shows up even though nobody actually called him, get paid for an answer they knew already and to a question they never asked.

PR Practitioner.

 

West Coast Eagles – Adam “Go West!” Simpson seems to be so fly.

Flight Attendant.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Western Bulldogs – Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge has the calming if not the pastoral pitch if there are any customers out there who are willing to sign up for plot B-9 today.

Telemarketer for a Cemetery.

 

Don’t give up your day jobs gentleman, on the hand maybe they all should!

 

As for us, we just don’t want to work. Nah! Nah! Nah! Not me!…Well not me!

 

https://youtu.be/2XYo5zaPw-4

 

 

 

Like Wow!…Wipeout!…Giro Numero Dicianove…(Round 19)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are trying to discover the WOW factor as the season end nears.

Approaching the end of the AFL season 2017, time to start being brutal as to whom still has the wow factor and who is sadly wipeout for this year.

Four more rounds to go, the writing is already on the walls, preparation in culling some of these sporting professionals has already begun.

 

Can they be saved by the wow factor, historical brilliance of their sporting achievements, or is it time to put some of this lot out of their professional misery?

 

It’s only a matter of time.

 

Shitney

 

Lance “The Sheikh” Franklin has been charged with making unreasonable or unnecessary contact to the face of Luke “Podge” Hodge, during the first quarter on Friday night at the MCG.

Franklin can accept a $1500 sanction with an early plea.

 

Summary: This would have wiped out the smirk from off Buddy’s face!

 

Ironically, Luke “Podge” Hodge has been charged with striking Tom “Tom Thumb” Papley – Shitney Swans during the second quarter of this round match on Friday at the MCG.

 

Summary: Dumber and dumber if you ask us. They may be both gifted athletes, thankfully The Match Review Panel (MRP) were not wowed in any sense.

Break the rules and you’re wiped out regardless of your money and fame.

 

Melbourne

 

Who would have thought that Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin had his Demons would be the top eight?

Extraordinary impressive.

 

Summary: Highly likely Goodwin has the force and the wow to push this club even further.

 

One cannot deny the horror that took place within this club at the end of last season; Karma certainly came knocking on Bradley’s door that’s for sure.

 

Summary: Wipeout the colours of blue and white, and instead carry the dreaded disgusting colours of black and white.

 

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?…)

 

Truth should be acknowledged; the youngest club within the AFL league has been consistent all year much to all our chagrin.

 

Summary: Toby “Boofhead” Greene may be wowing his club with his performance; he is a nut job and a complete wipeout when it comes to fair game playing.

 

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon can rest easy that his dopey Dockers won’t be waving that wooden spoon…for now that is.

 

Summary: An in-betweener, Lyon has the ability to wow his critics yet at the same time he can be a total wipeout with his convoluted theories about this game.

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley proving his critics wrong, his Ports are still in the AFL top eight. Dammit!

 

Summary: Unfortunately “Kinky” has the wow factor to push his boys to the finals.

 

Nick “Dikileaks” Riewoldt will play the Saints’ final four matches of the season and will finish 337 matches unless St Kilda makes a miraculous finals appearance.

 

Summary: Riewoldt could possibly be a wipeout but in a very honourable and memorable way.

 

Gold Coast Bums

 

Gary “Gazza The Dazzler” Ablett Jnr. Is really not here or there or anywhere to be seen, more off than actually on in this particular season.

 

Summary: Wow with his beloved Cats, total wipeout with the Gold Coast Bums.

 

Fate has certainly been cruel for us Punters with this mob stuffing up our tips this year. Toothless Tigers no more.

Their successful preparation so far hasn’t done us any favours. Hmmmpff!

 

Summary: Wow! Damian “Hardly” Hardwick is still alive and kicking professionally.

Wipeout the Tigers are renown to have cold feet when qualifying for the finals.

Mark our words!

 

Geelong

 

Patrick “Paddy” Dangerfield has been charged with engaging in rough conduct against Matthew “The Specialist” Kreuzer – Carlton during the third quarter this Saturday at the MCG.

Dangerfield can accept a one-match sanction with an early plea.

 

Summary: Either way play clean or Grand Final dream will be a total wipeout!

 

Not much can be said about Carlton this year, fielding in inexperience players, massive injury toll, lack lustered performance that frustrated not only the club but their die hard fans as well.

 

Summary: If the Blues slip even further from their current position on the almighty AFL ladder, Bolts along with his signature Cheshire cat grin along with his smooth talking won’t save him; it will be a wipeout in one of the most humiliating of circumstances.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge is a man of strength; from resurrecting this club from the brink of death is truly remarkable. A revolutionary of all things impossible made possible.

 

Summary: Wow! Wow! Wow! Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge is the oracle when it comes to AFL football.

 

John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold is truly a force to be reckoned with, the Bombers are blitzing through this season.

 

Summary: Wow! An incredible achievement considering that the this club was almost destroyed a couple of years ago.

 

Adelaide

 

Eddie “Superman” Betts has signed on an extension with the Crows until 2020, his supernatural ability to kick goals even when he’s not looking is truly phenomenal.

 

Summary: Like wow! Without question, Betts has metaphysical powers.

 

Taylor “Jailer” Adams  – Collingmaguirewood has been charged with engaging in rough conduct against Rory “O’Lordy” Laird – Adelaide during the third quarter on Sunday at the MCG. Adams can accept a $1000 sanction with an early plea.

 

Summary: We conclude that Adams is a total wipeout along with Nathan “Sayonara” Buckley not forgetting Shitwood CEO – Gary “Puke” Pert as well.

Who’s next?…

 

West Coast Eagles

 

These fellas have been playing consistently throughout this season, Adam “Go West!” Simpson is pretty chuffed that his boys are still sitting pretty in the top eight.

 

Summary: The Eagles tenacity is wowing their club even without their star player Nic “Nic Nat” Natanui extended injury throughout this season.

 

What a shocker of a season for these lads, despite Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan first season with this club, conclusively this has been an “Annus Horriblis.”

Fagan’s head could be on the chopping block.

 

Summary: The raspberry prize awaits, Mr. Fagan you would definitely want to wipeout this season and wipe the slate clean and start again, that’s if you’re still standing.

 

 

Perhaps these groovy psychedelic dudes can teach this lot how to get the groove and blow their cool back into AFL football.

 

 

https://youtu.be/bkgOumIrSY8

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Money! Money! Money!…Giro Numero Diciotto…(Round 18)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV have offered this little gem, free of GST!

The Australian Taxation Office has recently ruled that Australia’s millionaire athletes can funnel chunks of their earnings into low-tax trust funds.

The highest paid AFL stars, such as Nathan “Ferret” Fyfe, Lance “The Sheikh” Franklin as well as Gary “Gazza The Dazzler” Ablett Jr. can receive tax breaks of around $20,000 a year.

AFL players and other sports stars have won lucrative tax breaks for being famous so to speak, resulting in tens of thousands of dollars to the biggest stars.

Professional sports people will be eligible to cash in on their image, delivered by the Australian Tax Office.

 

The ATO has ruled the free kick is justified to compensate elite athletes for “exploitation of their “fame” and “image to promote their sport.

 

As for us poor punters, where is our long overdue tax break?

 

Oh wait a minute, current Australian Taxation Office analogy for the average Australian regardless of the mounting debt the Australian economy is facing:

• The more hours you work = more taxes.
• Lodging in your annual tax returns within the guidelines and the laws of the ATO.
• Pay all your taxes within the due date of the ATO to avoid any penalties.
• Anticipating a tax break just for some relief from all the other bloody taxes we all have to keep on paying.
• Abiding the ATO law not deceiving it!
• Totaling = Bugga all!

 

We are not earning squillions and quite simply we’re just not famous enough to meet the selection criteria according to the ATO.

 

Not so long ago, the ATO Deputy Commissioner – Michael “Cranky” Cranston was issued with a court attendance notice. As for his moronic son – Adam “Cretin” Cranston was arrested in one of Australia’s most entangled fraud investigation in which $165 million was stolen from the Australian Commonwealth.

So what did happen to the ATO corruption case?

First the scandal reared its ugly head in the media before being silenced faster than a speeding bullet?

 

Sports stars have got enough royalties through their endorsements; they don’t need an extra tax break.

 

Unbloodybelievable isn’t it?

 

Are the AFL stars really worth the tax break?

 

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke had his own theory about being truthful about his earnings: “Honesty is the best policy when there’s money in it.”

 

Essendon

 

Keeping it real, John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold reminded his boys about the importance of saving a penny or two: “Don’t spend on all your health in search of wealth.”

 

Port Adelaide

 

Not too exactly sure if Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was referring to himself with this admission:

“A fool and his money get a lot of publicity.”

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Ever the loyal mentor; Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge enforced to his faithful followers the pitfalls of having too much wealth: “It is health that is real wealth not pieces of gold and silver.”

 

Shitney

 

Smug John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire made no bones about his stupidity as well as his prosperity: “I hate math’s but I do love counting my own money.”

 

Fremantle

 

Ross “ No Longer The Boss” Lyon wasn’t taking any chances, seeing that his wealth and job has been in question for quite some time, confessing: “Money is a matter of belief.”

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?)

 

“It’s safe for me to keep on making money from creativity.” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron was all smiles; his motley crew is regrettably this year’s Grand Final contenders.

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Cautiously, Adam “Go West!” Simpson is being resourceful with his earnings, calculating: “Wealth is the product of man’s capacity to think.”

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton kept his wallet safely tucked away for the just in case scenario when it comes to job and financial security at this time of the year in this cut throat sporting organization: “Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back!”

 

 

Is money the root of all kinds of evil?

 

You decide?

 

 

https://youtu.be/ETxmCCsMoD0

 

 

R.E.S.P.E.C.T…Giro Numero Diciassette…(Round 17)…

Sex Scandles in the AFL – Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are calling for a little R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Another bombshell fell this week at the AFL Headquarters; the revelation was a lot more damaging as the stakes were even higher involving senior AFL officials in executive positions.

The two AFL officials, General Manager Of Football Operations – Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean and General Manager of Commercial – Richard “Ricket” Simkiss had conducted “inappropriate” relationships.

They resigned from their positions on Thursday night.

The scandal comes a week after Ali “Brawler” Fahour, who had been the AFL’s diversity manager, quit after he was banned for life from playing football for punching an opponent, knocking him out cold during a match with the Northern Football League.

 

For McLachlan, coming to terms on Thursday that he would have no choice but to terminate not one but two senior executives as a result of in-house affairs.

On Friday morning, McLachlan was close to tears when he told staff that his football lieutenant Simon Lethlean was finished along with the newly appointed Commercial boss, Richard Simkiss.

 

Without question, this has been a very difficult few weeks for the AFL CEO – Gillon “The Guv’nor” McLachlan, not only was Lethlean a close friend, he was also his right hand man as the football boss.

 

Ironically, the dismissal of the two AFL executives comes as the AFL has still yet to finalize an upgraded respect and responsibility policy within the AFL industry.

 

During the urgent press conference that was held on Friday the 14^th of July 2017 at 12:30pm, McLachlan emphasized the following: “The AFL I want to lead is a professional organization based on integrity, respect, care for each other and responsibility.”

Expanding: “We are committed to a process of change and I am confident that change is being seen across the industry.”

“The journey that we are on to a more equal and respectful workplace must be more than just two words. It must be backed up with action and change.”

 

What is the current formation of logistical thinking within the senior coaches given the tempestuous few weeks within the ALF administrators?

 

Is there really any admiration and appreciation given by the others in their own clubs?

 

 

 

 

 

 

St Kilda

 

In recognition of his Saints performance, Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson made his intentions quite clear: “Keep it simple. Respect my time, match my effort, keep your word, always be honest and most importantly stay consistent.”

 

Resurrecting the club from hardship, John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold was blunt: “Respect is for those who deserve it not for those who demand it Alan!”

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott, pleased with himself; castigated with the following:

“Seek respect Clarko not attention. It lasts longer.”

 

Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson was defiant: “Screw that! Treat people how they treat you!”

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley awakened Brad’s memories from the culling he executed at the end of last season: “Bradley, that was the moment you lost all the respect, no surprise that the current ladder position is defining your future as a coach.”

 

Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott crudely blasted: “With all due respect Kenneth, you’re an arsehole!”

 

Gold Coast Bums

 

Rodney “Rocket” Eade has been in this business for far too long, with his usual acuteness hitting the nail straight on the head, reiterated some home truth to Bucks: “Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated, trust is gained, loyalty is returned.”

 

Nathan “Definitely A Gonner” Buckley brushed Eade off with this statement: “I know I should be respecting your opinion but I find it difficult because you’re a bloody idiot!”

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?)

 

Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron vocation towards his brutes’ game playing with: “Some people won’t respect you until you become disrespectful.”

 

“Well then Leo, I guess that you are perfect as you are, with all your flaws and problems. There’s no need to change a thing.” John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire settled.

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good! Pkye analogy on the Crows winning formula so far: “A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect, it’s that simple!”

 

“Donald be careful how you talk about yourself, you’re the only one listening!” Reacted an unconverted Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin.

 

Brisbane Lions

 

Chris Reviewing The Situation” Fagan motive was explicit: “I only respect people who respect me, and I forget people who forget me.”

 

“There’s no one left within the coaching division, you have already been oldfangled!” Damian “Hardly” Hardwick laughed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton praised his boys despite their losing streak, calmly mentoring: “Respect your efforts, respect yourself. Self-respect leads to self-discipline. When you have both under your belt, that’s real power.”

 

Reminding his faithful Bulldogs about integrity, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge carefully read out-loud from his scroll: “Football is like life. It requires perseverance, hard work, self-denial, sacrifice, dedication and respect for authority.”

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson made sure that none of his Eagles were going to end up at the Tribunal lecturing: “There is a difference between expressing your opinion and being rude.”

 

Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon typically in his own world only had this to say: “I respect the opinions of others even if I always disagree with them.”

 

Equality, integrity, responsibility and respect within the AFL industry?

 

Time will certainly tell.

 

 

https://youtu.be/mGuW7pD_fhg

 

I will survive…Giro Numero Sedici…(Round 16)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI and UNCLE EV are questioning who can survive the weekly scandles and scuttlebut of an AFL season.

What on earth is wrong with the AFL football this season?

Is the AFL football completely out of control?

 

The ugly incidents that has been mounting up recently in the AFL in the last few weeks have been unfortunately too frequent:

• The Bachar “Hooligan” Houli including Tom “Thug” Bugg hits.
• That brutal punch to a local footballer – Dale “Prevail” Saddington knocking him unconscious during a local game by the AFL diversity manager – Ali “Brawler” Fahour, now banned indefinitely and rightly so from playing or officiating any future football matches.
• This weekend gone by, St Kilda forward – Tim “Grim” Membery and Collingmaguirewood’s midfielder – Levi “Shitwood” Greenwood appear certain to be handed suspensions for their high hits.
• Richmond captain Trent “Bent” Cotchin continues to walk a fine line with his on field antics and aggression, despite the fact he gut punched St Kilda’s Jack “Lone Ranger” Lonie on Saturday night.
• Former North Melbourne legend – Glenn “Sloucher” Archer has been charged over an alleged assault at his son’s junior football match in Melbourne in June of this year.

 

Since round 9, remember the sledging controversy?

AFL CEO – Gillon “McMoron” McLachlan and football Operations Manager – Simon “Lethal Weapons” Lethlean ordered a reset on intentional punches, so far 13 players have been found guilty of intentional strikes to the body.

 

No surprises that the Match Review Panel (MRP) is going to be exceptionally busy before this season will come to an end.

Brownlow medalist – Jimmy “I’ll See Ya Jimmy!” Bartel who sits on the AFL’s Match Review Panel is concerned about all of these incidents. The Panel is discussing the possibility of issuing red cards at the elite level.

 

Is this manner in conducting oneself an excuse for survival in a professional sporting existence to carry on playing ruthlessly in this blue-blooded game of ours?

 

Men behaving badly?

 

There is a matter of business to be taken care of as to who will actually survive this week let alone this season.

 

 

 

 

Adelaide

 

“Safe as houses!” Declared Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke. Adding: “My Crows and I are invincible!”

 

Walking around with his bible and a giant gold crucifix, dousing Holy Water to his beloved Bulldogs for protection, ever the faithful, Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge beseeched: “To whom much is given, from him much will be required.”

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?)

 

“I don’t settle for second best! We will win the AFL Grand Final, you hear me boys! It’s not negotiable!” Threatened Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron to his uncultivated misfits.

 

Taking a more precautionary approach, Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson openly confessed: “Behind every scar, there is an untold story of survival.”

 

Essendon

 

John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold took full advantage of Buck’s dilemma: “There’s talk circulating around the AFL that you could possibly head back north again and coach the Gold Coast Bums. You were known as that grizzly bear. Better than nothing mate!”

 

Nathan “I’m A Gonner” Buckley already in the firing line this year could only manage this incentive: “I’ve already been through hell. So I tell my boys give it your best shot.

Not only will I survive, we should probably win!”

 

Shitney

 

“Look who’s laughing now? People always doubted me from the beginning of this season.

Well up yours! We will survive and we will revisit the AFL Grand Finals! So there!” Affirmed an unforgiving John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire.

 

Rodney “Rocket!” Eade wasn’t so sure: “I think I should be okay, I know I’m under pressure, but surely my job is saved by virtue of the Gold Coast Bum’s performance over the last month right?”

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott secret coaching formula is finally revealed, he sings this little ditty to his Cats before every game: “I’m a little smart arse fat and stout, here is my finger, here is my mouth. When I get all worked up I will shout, piss me off and I’ll knock you out!”

 

“I’m doing okay with the kids. I’ll be staying on, there’s still a lot of work that needs to be done.” Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan was unusually optimistic given the fact that his toothless Lions will no doubt be awarded with the raspberry prize of AFL football, the wooden spoon.

 

St Kilda

 

Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson survivorship skills: “Don’t fear me when I’m my angry and screaming. Fear me when I’m angry and quiet because I’m plotting my revenge!”

 

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick, typically in La La land, scratching his head, questioning his Tigers as they could only horrifically look on: “I was going to do something, then I got distracted for 5 seconds and then I forgot again! Who are playing against this round?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fremantle

 

“Don’t bother playing this game son, we all know that at some point you are going to be given the flick, the vacancy in Collingmaguirewood prison doors are inviting you in.” Ross “No Longer The Boss” knew it was only a matter of time.

 

“So you think you’re safe, do you?” Barked Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott.

“Then again it will cost the club a bloody fortune to pay you out.

“How could you do this to them? You coward!”

 

Carlton

 

Brendon “Thor!” Bolton, clearly frustrated had only this to say: “If there is no struggle, there is no progress!”

 

Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was noble with this statement: “My Demons are so good, they simply cannot be ignored.”

 

West Coast Eagles

 

Self assured, Adam “Go West!” Simpson declared: “You poor things, we can destroy anyone in seconds.”

 

“You’ve survived 100% of everything in your life so far, so there’s a pretty good chance that you will not survive whatever is next!” Ken “Kinky” Hinkley retorted.

 

Survival of the fittest?

 

For how much longer?

 

 

https://youtu.be/0DJC-ECU8IE

 

 

Do you really want to hurt me?

Do You Really Want To Hurt Me?…Giro Numero Quindici…(Round 15)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are offering a valuable lesson for all footballers when it comes to smacking, whacking and knocking an opponent out cold.

Uproar has surfaced this week in the AFL, the use of character references from the Prime Minister himself, Malcolm “The Smiling Assassin” Turnbull and media personality and academic Waleed “Wally” Aly in Richmond’s defender – Bachar “Hooligan” Houli’s defense at the AFL Tribunal.

Bachar Houli was given a two-week suspension for his backhand hit on Carlton’s Jed “Return Of The Jedi” Lamb, a strike that left Lamb concussed and out for the remainder of the game.

Houli categorically denied striking Lamb in the head, he even declared: “It’s false, absolutely false. I’ve never hit anyone in my life.”

 

What transpired next is that Houli’s counsel submitted character references from the PM, via a transcript of a speech given at a function at Punt Road the following Monday and from Gold Logie winner Waleed Aly.

 

Former Match Review Panel member, Nathan “The Guv’nor” Burke quickly criticised the use of character references from the Prime Minister as well as the media personality saying:

“He would much prefer to see the incidents viewed and graded purely on their merit.”

This led to more bickering, another former Tribunal member, Daniel “The Dan” Harford quoting: “There is a case to suggest that if you make intentional contact with a forceful flaying arm to the head of an opponent, to knock him out cold straight away, you should be looking at six weeks.” Adding: “Somehow, we ended up with a two week ban, which is manifestly inaccurate and I have no doubt that the AFL will challenge the verdict.”

 

And the AFL did.

 

The AFL has succeeded in it’s historic first ever appeal of a Tribunal decision.

Bachar Houli was suspended for four matches on Thursday night after the AFL’s appeal against the decision of it’s own tribunal was upheld.

 

It really does not matter how good a player is or how they represent themselves within the wider community, it does not account how good a bloke is outside the field, it has no relevance to what he does on the field.

Quite simply, Houli made an error; therefore he needs to be disciplined appropriately within the jurisdiction of this game regardless of what happens in his day to day life.

 

How would these throngs define whacking to avoid another smacking from the AFL Tribunal along with the AFL administrators?

 

 

 

Melbourne

 

Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin was in no mood for Longmire or his Swans, pointing an accusing finger, yelling out just before kick off: “Oi! Johnno! Go cry over there!”

 

John “Here’s Johnny” Longmire grinning viciously, shot back: “We’ll kill you with success and then bury your lot with a smile!”

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge seemed troubled with his Bulldogs performance as they are slipping further away from the top eight. His usual calmness diminished, cautioning his disciples the following: “Be ye therefore ready also, for the son of man cometh at an hour when ye think not.”

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson contemptuously condemned: “The Eagles are professional football players, they don’t mess around, you hurt them, watch out! My boys kick balls for a living!”

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke had nothing but praise for the Crows blistering success so far this season: “To watch my team push themselves further than they think they can, it’s a beautiful thing.”

 

Laughing hysterically, Brendon “Thor!” Bolton issued the following to Donald after hearing his adorations for his Crows: “Well I set my DVR for The Biggest Loser, it keeps recording Adelaide Crows games.”

 

Gold Coast Bums

 

Rodney “Rocket” Eade was flipping from one AFL rule to another, questioning his own beliefs: “When you call a ball is out but it’s actually in. Shouldn’t have said that. I should NOT have said that!”

 

Staring down at the blackened entrance of the abyss, the bottom of AFL ladder, Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott was brutal and quite frankly hurtful, lashing out mercilessly:

“Time to bow out, flake out, leg it, and wash your hands of this competition old man if you cannot even recall the last game your Bums played, let alone the rules!”

 

GWS (Geez1…Which State?)

 

“Just give me a ball, a field and someone to embarrass.” Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron was sanguine with this particular outcome.

 

“Is that a fact Leo? Our code of football is still trying to teach your Barbarians and yourself how to actually play AFL football, not rugby you twat!” Retorted Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott.

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley was explicit: “Listen up fellas, you don’t get what you wish for, you get what you work for!”

 

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick egotistically revealed: “Haters gonna hate, deflators gonna deflate.”

 

Essendon

 

As the siren sounded for the commencement of the game, John “The Other Johnny!” Worsfold pulled Fagan aside inquisitively: “Any of you guys know the rules?”

 

Curling his right hand into a tight fist ready for attack, Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan threatened: “Hurt me and you’re going to feel pain. Hurt any of my boys and you’re going to need an ambulance!”

 

Hawthorn

 

“I’m sorry was that your face I just hit?” Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson felt the need just to whack Bucks, for no apparent reason at all.

 

“Nice wig Clarko. What is it made out of? Your wife’s chest hair?” Nathan “Definitely A Gonner” Buckley quipped, smacking Alistair across his head.

 

Fremantle

 

“Hey! Whatcha thinkin about Coach?” Questioned the Dockers to Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon as he was just kneeling down pulling grass at Domain Stadium.

“I dunno, winning and stuff.” Was all Ross could articulate?

 

As the football world knows it, the AFL Tribunal will be exceptionally busy before this season is well and truly over.

 

 

https://youtu.be/2nXGPZaTKik

 

 

Never Gonna Give You Up!…Giro Numero Quattordici…(Round 14)…

Our Italian Correspondents BYRD, CONTESSA MANSKI & UNCLE EV are polishing their coaching daggers but maintain they are ‘Never gonna give you up’

More than half way into this season it’s the conversation of the security of some coaches’ jobs again as a hot topic.

Most fans are buoyant about their side’s chances at making a finals push or even a premiership inclination, but for some, the talk around their club is centered on the coach and his future.

Nathan “Definitely A Gonner!” Buckley, Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott, and Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson are the men who are feeling the heat at this very moment.

Bucks is refusing to give up finals despite the Magpies 31-point defeat at the hands of Port Adelaide on Sunday.

The Pies are in their fourth consecutive year without finals, a grim reality for the club.

Scott dropped a bombshell in the AFL football world along with his faithful supporters by culling four beloved club veterans last season.

Now he is swallowing the bitterest pill in his coaching career for ruthlessly giving the bum’s rush to arguably North Melbourne’s best veterans in the club ever to pull on a Kangaroo Guernsey.

Clarko has being fined a whopping $20,000 for his umpire spray recently, adding to his woes,

Alistair was once renowned for being considered one of the best senior coaches of his time. He is now grappling with the impending plausibility that his flightless Hawks could possibly be crowned with the raspberry prize of the AFL since 1965 …that bloody wooden spoon!

 

Safe guarding their validity within their own clubs, the other AFL senior coaches are fighting for their rights to hold on to what they have still got…a job!

 

Adelaide

 

Don “Is Don…Is Good!” Pyke: “I’m not gonna give up, shut up or let up until I’m taken up, as a matter of fact I’m just warming up.”

 

Alistair “Big Mouth Strikes Again!” Clarkson: “I’m allowed to scream and cry, but I won’t  f*****g give up!”

 

Shitney

 

John “Here’s Johnny!” Longmire: “Never ever give up unless there is something good on TV…me!”

 

John “The Other Johnny” Worsfold: “Life is too short to have to work along with a mutton head like you.”

 

 

Port Adelaide

 

Ken “Kinky” Hinkley to Buckley: “Before you give up, think of the reason why you held on for so bloody long.”

 

Nathan “Definitely A Gonner!” Buckley painfully confessed: “There’s a difference between giving up and just not wanting to take someone’s shit anymore!”

 

GWS (Geez! Which State?)

 

Leon “King Of Leon” Cameron: “Ever tried, ever failed, no matter try again. Fail again. Fail better.”

 

Chris “Reviewing The Situation” Fagan: “There’s a difference between in giving up and knowing when you have had enough!”

 

Western Bulldogs

 

Luke “St. Luke” Beveridge: “Give up your ego Bradley and you will find God!”

 

Brad “Beam Me Down Below Scotty” Scott: “Give my regards to your holiness, I never tried quitting and I never quit trying!”

 

Melbourne

 

Simon “Simon Says” Goodwin eloquently had this to say just before kick off in way out west:

“Thou shalt not stress over the opinion of an irrelevant little shit!”

 

Adam “Go West!” Simpson skillfully barked: “I will not let anyone walk in my mind with their dirty feet. No what I mean?”

 

Geelong

 

Chris “Beam Me Up Scotty” Scott bluntly had this to say: “Fear is a habit; so is self pity, defeat, anxiety and despair. It is what it is. I’m never ever giving up!”

 

“Rubbish Christopher! Even if others give up on you, never give up on yourself, that is the determination, power, strength to thrive in this game.” Scolded Ross “No Longer The Boss” Lyon.

 

Carlton

 

Surrendering definitely is not on Brendon “Thor!” Bolton watch.

He is not even bothered about the insecurity of his job. With his trademark Cheshire cat grin, Bolts sang merrily to this tune on the way to the MCG: “Twinkle Twinkle little star, point me to the nearest bar.”

 

Damian “Hardly” Hardwick: “Of course I always talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.” Concluding: “Through my own consultation and recommendation, when you’re giving up, someone is still going.”

 

St Kilda

 

Alan “You Can Call Me Al” Richardson: “I am a skilled professional in pointing out the obvious and I speak fluent in sarcasm.”

 

Rodney “Rocket” Eade: “I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times just to be sure.”

 

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn you round and desert you.

 

We’ll see.

 

https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ